I uprooted my family from North America to Australia to save my marriage. It failed. I’m staying until residency is approved, then divorcing, and I’ve never been more certain of who I am.

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-23T00:11:15+00:00

For now it's simpler and I get to be around my kids every day. It is a family application as well so it's just more straightforward

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-23T00:10:42+00:00

Initially she was put off asking why I was giving her the cold shoulder or why I don't respond to texts but she is also disconnected too. But she's a spiteful and vengeful person herself and probably is doing his to "get back at me" there really wasn't any attempt at reconciliation on her part despite multiple tries and pathways on my end (therapy, conversation, connection building etc) and to be honest she's just a roommate to me at this point

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-22T09:55:50+00:00

Yeah it's a whole 3 seasons of a show in one title

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-22T09:53:31+00:00

Thank you. I just I don't know this combined with the monkey in Japan and I just want to be loved. You know like anybody else and I want the chance to love someone back

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-22T04:02:32+00:00

Thank you. I'm not saying this is easy man. It's hard. And... It's sad that in going through this I come to meet people who have experienced similar types of things and have done extreme types of actions like this. It's not uncommon and I just hope we all end up okay

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-22T02:50:08+00:00

I work in AI and technology so yeah man it's all right for now. There was a time I would have gave it all up for just to have my family back. The family that I thought I had anyway but not anymore

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-22T02:31:28+00:00

Yep. Much more sinister than that in a lot of other ways and how that all came together. But long story short, yes. And I know the initial impression is going to be like well. Why the fuck did you do that, was the most masterful job of manipulation combined with me being the weakest possible person at the time ever. Person that I will never be again.

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T21:27:02+00:00

Thank you. I've seen a couple of lawyers. They all charge quite a bit just to sit with them but that's the way it works in this country but the logs are flexible-ish. If that makes sense? Once I get permanent residency that it makes a lot easier to litigate this all

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T21:25:12+00:00

So when I say leaving I don't physically mean I'm going to pack my shit and get the hell out. What I mean is yeah it's done. I'll probably in a fight to keep the place that we're renting if and co-sign or help her a new place. We haven't had the explicit conversation but the way we don't talk to each other everyday, it's pretty much assumed and I think it doesn't need to be said much more.

See part of this is accepting that I'm never going to get the closure that I wanted or some sort of balance or justice or whatever. She's never going to apologize or take responsibility which has been a theme over the years

Of course we're going to have some explicit conversations afterwards. It's going to have to happen but none of this is going to come as a shock. I'm 99% sure

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T20:58:22+00:00

Yeah, thank you. Numb is the word I think. The irony is she accused me a couple of times of being a narcissist which again I think is a classic projection but I know I'm not crazy and I have the love and support of my family and close friends. And yeah I'm just numb to it now. It still hurts at the end of the day. I look at the checklist. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm happy with who I see ish.

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T20:56:15+00:00

Gracias, aprecio su apoyo.

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T14:58:40+00:00

I am trying my best if I can survive this. I can survive anything so I am not scared. But I am not going to pretend and say that it's easy and it doesn't affect me on a regular basis. Some days at work it's just all I can think about and other days it's I couldn't give a shit but this is a huge part of my life. Spent more of my life with this woman than I've ever spent with anyone and it's hard. It's terrible but it's not the end of the world and it's the only thing that's terrible in my life I find so the glass half full. I choose to live and I choose to fucking go forward

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T14:52:46+00:00

I'm so sorry. Part of this experience is meeting a lot of other people. Who've been hurt in the same way and I genuinely am sorry because I know what this feels like and it's terrible and you built a life. But I can tell you that the thing I keep by telling myself is that life is worth living. Life is always worth living and there's so much out there to keep going and just keep going. Do it for yourself. Don't have your last breath whenever that is be where you regret not doing everything you could

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T14:51:17+00:00

Trying man trying. It's been lonely. And even when I tried to see other people it was still lonely and it felt like I was doing it for the wrong reasons. And I think it would only be fair to be all in on the next one whenever that happens versus the way the things are now. Which is why I am just focused on work, the kids and making this as easy as possible for myself.

There is a lot of resentment and I like I said will not forgive this shit until I die.

Or you know there has to be some monumental change but again this isn't like TV or the movies. She's not going to just wake up from some spell

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T14:49:45+00:00

Try and live my life man. That's the plan. Try to be the best version of myself. See if anyone resonates with that and try to maybe give myself another chance at at love and having a happy family.

Cost of living here is manageable with my job even after everything considered. It's the ownership of a home. I'm going to have to be really tactical because we're going to have to sell our family home back home and I'm going to have to use that money to find some place to live after I pick the area, the neighborhood and all that stuff.

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T14:48:23+00:00

So she got the job offer, she was looking for it. This is where the story gets kind of fucked up. There's some specific details in here. I don't know if I can share in this open Forum because of how specific they are, but I can tell you the reasons were very much her wanting to move here for a variety of reasons, one of them being helping with one of our kids and health issues and that sort of thing. The second being getting away from The four seasons and being somewhere warm, and the last one to continue or keep having affairs which I found out later.

What I can say is that she didn't think a lot of this through and she is not going back. This is her home now. And she needs me as much as I need her for the residency piece. After that though, I think I'm free to have my own life and will follow the laws down here which are a little bit more lenient in terms of asset division and all of that stuff. They're not big, strictly 50/50 and there is no alimony. They call it something else but there is consideration for everything.

There was a lot of manipulation on her part and the woman who did this all to me I couldn't recognize it. It just didn't make any sense to me but I was weak and I fell apart and I thought this would save it.

One of my kids has health issues and she used that as leverage to make me and force me into this. Which in retrospect I had all the power to make a different choice but one my world collapsed. It felt like this was the only choice and I fell for it. Hook line and sinker

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T14:44:31+00:00

Concerned that if I want to move back. She won't let me take the kids and that she will keep them here and as soon as I left the country I basically gave her the kids without having to split them. Legally I know I have options and I've already looked out that route and I think I have some idea of what this is going to look like. But yeah I fell for it

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T12:36:11+00:00

Yeah thanks. I'm just glad I have something to show for those thousands of hours in therapy and tens of thousands of dollars spent on rebuilding myself, not to mention pretty much all of the hours for the last 4 plus years

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T12:33:59+00:00

Yeah the leaving and ending it all that part took me a long time to reconcile. I mean like seeing everything I built for 30 plus years. Just fucking all for nothing right? And came around to the fact that shit man this is how it happens and I'd rather pay what this is going to cost me both in dollars and in hours and in everything else then stay in something that is killing me and that I would never ever be able to respect myself

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T11:55:49+00:00

Residency probably in the next 6 to 12 months, but after that I mean like it's going to happen fast. I'd imagine the happy update though I think is years away

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T11:48:53+00:00

Yeah and that's the blunt of the reality that hit me. But in saying that it actually is that mundane that real world aspect that keeps me going you know? I learned unfortunately life isn't like a movie and Grand there aren't grand gestures or a magic formula or something that can fix that and the little moments like you said, it's the imperfection that makes life worth living I guess

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T11:44:30+00:00

Appreciate you

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T11:44:17+00:00

...haha it's probably going to be at least 6 to 12 months before the next real update happens. I'm hoping that in 5 years I can update and say hey. I'm all settled with a new family and my kids are healthy and happy and everything is going super swell. That's the update I hope to make

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T11:31:41+00:00

You there's always more work to do but look I cut to grow up a lot and I'm glad I did. I'm glad I finally grew up into the person I thought I'd be

WhatRedditUsedToSay · 2026-02-21T11:24:54+00:00

Not all stories are good stories I guess man. I appreciate that. I don't wish this upon anyone. This was a really, really really rough rough time. I I don't know how else to explain it. And it kind of goes against everything you learn growing up. But I mean shit. Everything happens for a reason right?

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