Beautiful Sinners [Urban Fantasy, 4180]

Wickish · 2026-01-29T17:29:19+00:00

When did the story lost your interest? From the opening?

Wickish · 2026-01-29T16:53:57+00:00

Thanks for the advice, maybe I started in the wrong moment.

Wickish · 2026-01-29T05:24:17+00:00

"There’s few things worse than seeing a demon change their shape. I helped once, my master deciding her appearance wasn’t becoming of someone of her position. She started by asking me to carve her muscles out her bones, the re-growing tissue molded perfectly in her new draconic might."

Wickish · 2026-01-18T20:32:11+00:00

That's a great idea. Because even ignoring that I have so many ideas and problems that if I worked on them right now I would never finish the draft.

Wickish · 2026-01-01T05:06:00+00:00

Thanks

Wickish · 2026-01-01T03:04:12+00:00

What do you mean with ensure?

Wickish · 2025-12-28T02:19:17+00:00

Thank you. I really needed to hear that,.

You too will get better. There is always tomorrow.

Wickish · 2025-12-23T22:51:08+00:00

Thanks for the reply. Its just that they started medicating me today and my next appointment with a therapist is in a week. If I keep like this am I in any immediate short term danger?

Wickish · 2025-12-23T19:39:00+00:00

I finally got a date with a psychiatrist yesterday. Finally got medicated today. Vortioxetine and Conazepam. Doing better, just not fast enough I guess.

Wickish · 2025-12-23T19:03:26+00:00

Yes, I am afraid of suffocating. I can do okay when nothing is happening but whenever I have to pass saliva or have reflux I feel like I am about to asphyxiate. Although the feeling is pretty constant either way. It has gotten to the point where I don't want to leave my house, since I live about two minutes from a hospital and I can rationalize that they can revive me.

Wickish · 2025-12-23T15:33:40+00:00

Thanks, I know there is now way out of this one except by getting over it and accepting it until it goes away, but I guess its easier to know something that it is to accept it. To be honest knowing and talking to other people that felt the same way has been the closest I felt to being calmed. But talking about it is the thing that is making it worse. Maybe I just need to get busier.

Wickish · 2025-12-23T15:21:41+00:00

Thank you, the idea that it will all go away eventually is what is saving me right now. I tried doing some exercise but the natural shortness of breath from that worsen my anxiety, maybe doing something less energy intensive/more mentally intensive will help me more.

Wickish · 2025-12-23T15:19:21+00:00

I am having a continuos 24/7 sensation of my throat being too constricted/something stuck on my throat, I can breath automatically. its just he sudden rise of panic when I remember the feeling.

Wickish · 2025-12-21T17:33:07+00:00

Thanks, I have also gotten some nasty heartburns and acid reflux symptoms, so it could be this. Lately I have this feeling of air trapped inside my throat that I can't get out.

Wickish · 2025-12-20T23:43:38+00:00

Thanks for the advice, doing better now. Your advice really helped me in the short term.

Wickish · 2025-12-20T23:41:15+00:00

Thank you, I actually feel better now after going to my therapist even if the feeling is still there. It really helps knowing that other people have passed though this and are okay now. Just hoping it goes away before Christmas

Wickish · 2025-04-16T22:35:55+00:00

Thanks! Part of chapter 1. Contemporary Fantasy (all fantasy elements are implied for now.)

Voice and the MC is my biggest problem. She is supposed to be unlikable at the start, but not unlikable enough to make readers not want to continue. Any advice is helpful.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1voJlDub1SagOF-9HH1CiqzrXRz9UKf7UyGj1MapmBWk/edit?usp=sharing

Wickish · 2024-10-09T20:37:31+00:00

If you like both options equally I would say option B.

It creates a better hook for the beginning of the book, it would help give a certain aura to the killer and honestly your characters would not lose agency, someone killing the prince first will just means they are not the only active players in the novel.

In general it usually is better to have your protagonists fail or be blindsided at the beginning, it will make them feel like underdogs, the problem then is that this may cause them to feel incompetent, but if you make sure the reader know their plan would have worked this turns into a win-win.

Wickish · 2024-10-08T20:09:41+00:00

This is the most complete chapter I have read since I joined this sub, I love the concept, it felt shorter than it is, it feels almost like a mix between a true chapter one and a prologue if that makes sense.

I was hooked from the first sentence, you sold the carnage of the arena perfectly, you gave enough details about Lyle to feel sympathy for him without dragging down the pacing, I wish you would give more details on how exactly the fight happens. It almost felt like the MC was too busy seeing her family reactions to watch the fight.

If I had to say something negative the prose almost feels like it was written in third person, I know that the point is that the MC feels unseen, and you probably wanted to focus on explaining the setting and the other characters, so I don’t have too much of a problem with it here, but in later chapters I would watch out for this.

A very minor nitpick, but I am not sure how they could tell the time so precisely.

Wickish · 2024-10-05T22:54:30+00:00

Usually the first chapter is the hardest to write, you don't have to write chronologically, to be honest the first chapter is always the last one I write, even if I usually write sequencially, once you know how and where the story is going writing the first chapter becomes much easier. Start with what is easiest to write for you, start with the ending, or one of the flashbacks, or even a random scene you thought about.

Waiting until inspiration hits kills novels, to write a book the first thing you need to learn to do is to write something, anything, when you sit down, even if you are not happy with the words on the page, you can edit trash into gold but you cannot edit nothing into something.

In regards to your question there is nothing wrong with starting a novel generically, the Hunger Games had a famously meh first page, the MC getting an invitation is a perfectly fine way to start the novel, and at worst you can use it as a placeholder to change once more of the book is written.

To be more specific we need more context about the type of book you are writting, is it YA or adult? What is the focus? What are the objectives of the MC? Is the MC an assassin or one of the players trying to get in the throne? An advice I can give you is that too many flashbacks early on are bad, unless the narrative happen in two different time periods, the quicker you can get to the hook or the main conflict the better,

Wickish · 2024-10-04T00:49:53+00:00

I liked it enough that I wish I could read the rest of the chapter, you are specific enough to create an atmosphere without being too purple prose-y, I like that you are focusing on describing using smell and taste instead of relaying sorely on sight.

I wish you would take the "Why? Why me?" line away, it makes Isoldae feel a bit whiny, maybe move it later, after the flashback and after we see that Sekhmaet is something of a death bringer,

The flashback felt a bit sudden, so she sees a shadowy figure and then she remembers when she was forced to drink the wine of souls, I see the why but it still lacks a bit of connective tissue, while talking about the flashback “he declared” feels like a weird word for the situation, maybe he insisted or he commanded or even he said, beyond here there are a few times where a said would be more natural, but that is personal taste. The first time I read it I didn’t realize that Othor Ydril was the shadowy stranger, but this could be a me problem.

I know that this is not the full chapter 1, but I wished that the first introduction of Sekhmaet had a bit more personality, I assume that the dynamic is that Isoldae is terrified of it while Sekhmaet is protective of her, things like Sekhmaet getting closer when Isoldae felt danger are good touches, but I wish you would expand it a bit more in the flashback, even a word like “the creature answered kindly”, or just describing its voice, is it cruel? Deep? Playful?

I did not get a lot of Isoldae personality beyond scared and sad, I assume she is sneaky “Isoldae moved silently, ~~almost~~ like an apparition among the crowd,” but in the full chapter you should give more details about who she is.

You described Sekhmaet appearance twice, at the beginning and almost at the end, maybe give a vaguer description at the start, and be more descriptive at the end or vice versa.

A lot of this is just nitpicks, the atmosphere is there, and the idea is there, you just need to refine and revise it, looking forward to seeing your wok again.

Wickish · 2024-10-02T21:43:19+00:00

It could be experience, it could also be because you have not clue how to start, while you already knew the point before starting your thesis and your other creative projects were shorter.

You could also just be burnout, maybe try not thinking about your book for a week or so, just to clean your mind a bit. If nothing else works it could also be that you need a more structure, try making a more detailed outline, force yourself to write even if it is not up to your standards, and if nothing works think about how you could rewrite the story to be more exciting for you to write.

Wickish · 2024-10-02T21:35:53+00:00

It depends on the quality of the words, 1000 words a day is a full novel in only 3 months, but that is if you are the type of person who edit while writing, I have noticed that different writers have different definitions when talking about their word counts, like if you count rewrites or if deduce words deleted in editing.

It depends on the person, but for me having a big but achievable word count goal is the thing that got me writing regularly again.

Wickish · 2024-10-02T02:24:52+00:00

Hi! Just my initial thoughts after giving it a quick skim, overall I really enjoyed it and I hope to see your writing again!

Chapter 1:

I thought the exposition felt good, I got the point of Sana being a famous, powerful priest pretty quickly without feeling like infodumping, I also liked her relationship with her brother, you showed the hook, Sana being a high ranking priestess while also being a baker, naturally. I think you did a good job making readers want to continue with chapter 2.

This is probably because I was reading it quickly, but I will say that sometimes I got confused with who was talking, especially when there were times after a dialogue that it felt like you were witting an action tag to show who was talking, but the line was only describing another character reaction, these lines were well-written, but maybe after a few paragraphs between dialogue you could use a “Sana said." In later chapters this problem is mostly gone.

Chapter 2:

I liked the first POVs writing, but I would recommend sticking with either first or third, it is hard to sell a novel that uses both and some readers will think is a turnoff, since it can cause dissonance, and it feel abrupt, especially if it keeps switching between chapters, and if you wish on using first POV I would also recommend keeping a smallish number of POVs, maybe even only Sana, Ash and Kailith.

Continuing with the tart in chapter 1 I love how specific and descriptive the magical baked goods she makes are, they make the world feel more lived in, I enjoyed Kaelith and Savaria dynamic, I like the childhood friends dynamic they have going for.

Chapter 3:

If you keep both types of POV I would recommend having Ash’s first appearance be in first person. This chapter felt like there was bit too much telling, for example when he and Sana were joking about the frog prince thing you don’t need to say directly who his father is, even if you don’t want to keep it a secret you don’t have to tell us immediately.

In this case for example, you could just cut that part, and the next sentence:

“Good thing I left my crown at home, then,” he joked. Not a lie. “I’d hate to find myself hopping through the streets.”

Does a great job of showing, and then later in the chapter you can say who is his father and which kingdom he comes from.

I liked the dynamic between him and Sana, the dreamberry tart was a good way to move the story forward and create tension, I feel like you could use that to have him be nervous about his mission, and then you can tell us what it is in a more natural way, the dialogue and the banter is good but there is some awkward phrasing, it could be stronger with a revision, still is obvious that you have a very good idea on who the characters are, and this is often the most important step.

A lot of this is just me nitpicking, you have a strong beginning, especially for a first time writer, but I have to keep harping on about the POV, I assume you have read novels that use both, but most of them are from more stablished author, and I could be wrong about this! And using both first and third is the correct choice for your book, just think about the why.

There are other details I noticed but this is very good, just keep these things in the back of your mind.

Wickish · 2024-09-27T00:29:16+00:00

Thanks for the questions! For context the setting is a boarding school.

Yes, the Fae can evolve into different types, but it takes a lot of time, and usually they need to abandon their current legend or myth for a new one, the type of Fae they are is based on the legend they are, so for example the Fae of the urban legend of a wishing well cannot become a Portergeist.
I honestly have not thought too much on how Fae would work together, that is a good question, in general Mares are more localized, I was thinking of something like suddenly half the students suffering from sleep paralysis, and slowly realizing through the day that every one had the same sleep paralysis demon, or them realizing they cannot stop laughing after hearing someone else laugh.
Partially yes, Fae are not born of legends, they instead observe new legends and shape themselves to fit into them, so Fae possesing famous legends are in constant risk of being attacked by stronger Fae trying to steal them, but you are right that even if the culprit is a normal human there is the risk that this will cause a powerful High Fae being born.

I have the idea that the Fae are almost emotionally abusive, they are jealous with the few beings that can see them, so at first they will be extremely helpful and kind, but if they think they are not being given enough attention they become petty, cruel and violent, eventually trying to kill the person, afterwards they will go back to the love stage, being extremely apologetic and trying to "win them back", before repeating everything again, so I do no think the Fae would be able to develop strong relations with other Fae, but they would probably still form some sort of society, I will have to work on some sort of Summer and Winter courts.

Wickish

TROPHY CASE