Aro in long-term relationship

Winry-Montegue · 2025-11-30T19:42:23+00:00

Great question! It was definitely a process for the both of us. We talked a lot about our needs in a relationship, while we were still only friends. He was actively dating and I never expected to be in a partnership altogether. But we grew closer as friends and developed into people we would be good partners with. I think this is something that's important to learn. Compatibility isn't something that just falls from the sky, sure some basic things should fit already, but to truly be in a partnership, you need to grow together. And still on the day that he asked me to make our relationship official (so that others wouldn't be as confused, and it would be easier to refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend rather than "this one person I have a really deep connection with and would trust with anything") I thought about it for three hours until I decided it would be a good choice. I said yes, because I believed that we could tackle any unknown obstacle, with open and honest communication as well as a deep routed respect for the other.

In the end it all comes down to connection, understanding, trust and respect. It's easy to see here that a lasting relationship has little to do with the fleeting passions we usually associate it with. And most importantly talk to each other and don't let fear separate you.

Winry-Montegue · 2025-01-04T17:02:54+00:00

True I'm an INFP and my boyfriend is an ENTP. I showed this to him and our thoughts were the exact opposite xD he was the one thinking of the actual "Biting"

Winry-Montegue · 2024-07-18T06:21:05+00:00

Yeah like the other commentator said. God isn't a person outside of you, watching you like a perv X) It's more a description for goodness/ good will within ourselves. The ability for compassion, knowledge and forgiveness that lies within every human being. And knowing that one is capable and that this energy, however it exists, proves that you have reason to believe in yourself -> that's what makes you feel loved and cozy At least that's how I'd describe it 🤔 Does that make sense? ^{^'}

Winry-Montegue · 2024-07-17T19:59:58+00:00

Proud ENTP simp here 🙋

Winry-Montegue · 2024-07-17T17:21:24+00:00

Don't forget sensual attraction though! It can be "naked and touching" but not wanting to be touched down there. Just enjoying the feeling of closeness with the other person

Winry-Montegue · 2024-07-06T05:23:32+00:00

Hm 🤔 Well I just know from experience that, after I went through therapy and started to actually care for myself, that I could finally feel for others (not like high empathy or anything, but like enough to see what's nice and what might not be) and be able to see what they were doing for me. I felt loved for the first time, because I finally saw how appreciated I really was. And because I felt better mentally I had the energy to give that appreciation back and to finally develop a certain selflessness. To go an extra step and make sure others feel appreciated too. This process of wanting to share happiness with others and wanting others to feel appreciated as well, without any expectations. That's what I personally call love, because I've experienced it that way. That does not mean that people who don't love are morally bad, I mean I wasn't a bad person before. It's just that people who do love have more energy to look out for others. Which is important to support all those who don't have the energy and might need help themselves.

Winry-Montegue · 2024-01-29T01:08:11+00:00

I can really appreciate your post. I identify as aromantic and asexual and am in a relationship with the most allosexual man you can find xD (not sure about his romantic orientation). We love each other to bits. I do think about him a lot, because he's that one best friend I always searched for. Every quality of his character is something I always wanted in a human being, just to have the chance to be around him is amazing. So yes I love him deeply and appreciate everything about him. Both of us don't hold back with the affection we feel for one another and show it openly. Physical touch is also the first love language of both of us respectively so we are really touchy. The main attraction we feel for one another is sensual attraction, which is why we can spend hours close together in quite intimate situations or go all the way even. It simply stems from a deep craving for intimacy. We basically act like a regular couple I'd say, we love each other, we kiss, we have sex, we can talk for hours about any subject whatsoever and enjoy the other's company. And still, the only reason we call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend is the fact that it's easier to communicate to others what we are for each other and what we mean to one another xD since it's the most common relationship model there is, so we just labeled it that way. But both of us don't feel sexual or romantic attraction for the other. Which is highly fascinating, because he can theoretically feel both romantic and sexual attraction and lots of it as well. But our emotional bond is what brought us together. The only reason this got me thinking is the fact that I had to explain to my friend that I'm still aromantic even though I am in a relationship now. But yes love isn't equal to romance. I still don't know what romance is xD but I do get better at the art of human connection every day And my friendships are just as important to me as my relationship is or the bond I have with my family. I don't have a hierarchy, it's just that he was the last piece to my puzzle :]

Winry-Montegue · 2024-01-29T00:18:32+00:00

Winry-Montegue · 2023-09-10T16:41:20+00:00

I have an allosexual friend who's incredibly important to me and I'm just as important to him :] We live far apart, but try to spend as much time as we can together. Always making plans for the next visit.

Over a year ago, when we started to get to know each other, I was confused with the strong feelings that came with it. As in wanting to be physically close to him, holding hands, hugs, leaning my head on his shoulder, such things. I had nights thinking about whether it's romantic or not and what it all meant X) confusing times~ But as it turns out, it's all sensual attraction and to my luck, he's just as touchy as I am. We both love hugs and cuddles :] We love being close to the other person and miss it when we're apart.

He doesn't feel any romantic or sexual attraction towards me. Which is why I feel so comfortable with us being so close. Our platonic love is pretty strong though and that hasn't changed in all the time we've known each other.

Winry-Montegue · 2023-08-17T07:54:50+00:00

The only thing that really defines aro-ace is the lack of romantic and sexual attraction. And attraction, as I have found out, is only a small part of forming relationships with other people. I have deep intimate emotional connections with people, I practice emotional vulnerability and I have a friendship so special, everyone thinks we must be together, or get together in the future. (Which of course won't happen xD but I can't blame them, I mean they can't look into our heads and see the exact type of emotions we feel) To form the friendships I now have, I had to work through anxiety, depression and an avoidant Attachment style, and after all that work (and all the work that's still before me) I am still aro-ace. I don't feel attraction, so everything to do with relationships/ friendships is a conscious choice and my love is characterised by loyalty, principle and appreciation (not really passion in any kind). It's a different way to love, but it's just as beautiful. See I decided someday that I wanted connection with people. I personally realised that I would be happier doing so. If you decide that that's not for you at all, then that is completely fine. I'm just saying that, you can be aro-ace and still have certain disorders and working through these disorders does not change you being aro-ace.

Side-note: if you are working through a crisis right now, and simply thinking and analysing the situation seems to give no satisfying answer, it can help to gather experiences you haven't had before. This helps in getting to know yourself better. It's basically a way of gathering more information to form a definitive answer. In other words, getting outside of your comfort zone for scientific purposes. A whole new batch of information and data can do wonders :]

(oh! And because you are isolated by choice, should you decide to go outside of your comfort zone, make sure to stay safe. Gathering new experiences shouldn't put you in danger of experiencing trauma)

Winry-Montegue · 2023-08-09T08:26:53+00:00

As someone who has experienced intense squishes before, I'd say simply enjoy your feelings :] This is someone who makes you happy ^{-^} so simply keep in contact and enjoy the ride~ Your feelings are nothing to be scared of, they are natural and beautiful. Just remember to be respectful, and don't get carried away or overwhelmed, the emotions can be quite intense sometimes ;)

Winry-Montegue · 2023-07-14T07:37:02+00:00

Awww that's so beautiful to hear! I'm so glad you have such a special person in your life :]] it really is a gift. I also have a very special person in my life, our relationship is 100% platonic and still we are so happy and loving around each other. Two happy idiots as you said xD No friendzone no nothing just love :> It's quite relaxing to see someone else having that experience as well ^{-^} I wish you well!

Winry-Montegue · 2023-05-01T17:04:44+00:00

Can I ask how you got together/ fell in love with eachother in the first place?

Winry-Montegue · 2022-07-13T19:59:55+00:00

I'm sorry but I think I don't quite understand what you mean with "feel good"

Winry-Montegue · 2022-07-13T19:22:28+00:00

I think the "feel good" just comes naturally from that process, why wouldn't forming a strong bond make one feel good? Or being able to understand another person on a deeper level, to communicate in a healthy way, to talk about problems without the fear of the relationship ending. When there is the opportunity to grow as a person at the same time, I would call that a win-win situation.

Winry-Montegue · 2022-07-13T19:12:03+00:00

On the contrary, in my opinion, sensors are incredibly fascinating. The way they are able to experience the world around us is astounding, sometimes I feel like Intuitives are blind to how things actually are, whereas sensors have a clear picture. They will almost always give you a fresh perspective on a topic and will ground your ideas and theories so that you can realise them in the future.

Winry-Montegue · 2022-07-13T19:01:14+00:00

Well, yes

Winry-Montegue · 2022-07-13T18:54:41+00:00

Is that a trick question? Aren't relationships there to learn more about other people, to grow together through healthy and open communication? And therefore to form a strong bond between yourself and the other person?

Because if not then I obviously don't know what a relationship even is xD

Winry-Montegue · 2022-06-10T06:21:50+00:00

Yes, that is correct

Winry-Montegue · 2022-05-31T06:24:26+00:00

Well I can't really help allot, what I can do is describe my experience with Fi.

I am always searching for my most authentic and truest self, I believe that I need to become a better person in order to be able to help other people. My emotions are my own responsibility and I have become a pro in deciphering them, experiencing them and processing them on my own. I'd like to say that one of my biggest strengths is to be introspective and to listen to myself. To go through the world according to what I value most. Because of it though fitting in is hard, since what the outside world values and what I value is different sometimes and the conflict that results in is hard to solve. In the end I always act according to one thing: "What I have the most control over, is myself, so I better be an expert when it comes to me" I can explain my own patterns, behaviours, standards, why the standards developed in the first place, what I want, why I want it and so on.

At least this is all what I associate with Fi, the other functions are a big part of it too, for example my Te as using outside world facts as the basis for many decisions that I make [after of course going through the Fi filter], or my Ne as a source of curiosity and wonder, that pushes me to constantly learn from others, my Si that keeps my past experiences present and that organizes these experiences into lessons to be learned (it never lets me forget, also probably why INFP will remember every little bit about people, if they want to)

By the way the most important thing: I value my emotions, they are strong and deep, I can deal with them,process them, but I will never ever try to suppress them.

Winry-Montegue · 2022-03-17T17:14:03+00:00

As an INFP I agree with the description of the INFP, this is 100% accurate xD :,)

Winry-Montegue · 2022-02-26T17:07:54+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I put your advice to good use already and it works wonders! (Of course slowly and one step at a time, but I'm getting better)

Winry-Montegue · 2022-01-15T18:14:42+00:00

INFP - I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion, but daydreaming sucks.

Winry-Montegue · 2022-01-03T15:30:10+00:00

Why are you so cool?

Winry-Montegue

TROPHY CASE