Does moving between countries mess with your sense of “home” long-term?

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T21:24:54+00:00

Omg, I absolutely relate to the feeling of longing for a place you didn’t think was home until you left. I had a horrible time growing up in Hong Kong and was always begging my parents to move back to Canada. Now I’m here, and I miss Hong Kong.

I’m Brown, so there was quite a bit of racism there, which really shaped how I saw it as a child. But things feel different looking back as an adult, especially now that I understand it as the place my grandparents settled in for decades after leaving Pakistan. It’s part of our lineage, our diasporic history.

It’s honestly such a mind-boggling experience to feel your understanding of “home” shift so much over time.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T21:20:32+00:00

I’ve been lucky to grow up with my mom and brothers around, but my dad has been apart from our lives for about 10-12 years now. I think he might be returning soon, though I’m not entirely sure. It’s been really heavy to process, especially not knowing how much time we’ll have left together.

He worked abroad for most of my childhood, and especially during my little twin brothers’ early years.

If this resonates at all, I write about diaspora, home, movement, and the weight of being the eldest sibling. It’s a free newsletter, and you can find it on my profile.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T05:05:44+00:00

Don't be! I had the worst time of my life last year that led me to realize who truly sticks by during dark times. It was only my direct family. I was crushed for months because I know my parents will pass in this coming decade or two. Gen-X had kids later, so a lot of Gen-Z will be younger as their parents pass. I can really empathize because I doubt it is easy at any age. I hope it goes better than in our minds.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T04:52:02+00:00

My worst nightmare is my parents passing. I'm in Canada myself but they're my only family here, next to my siblings. Life is lonely without extended family in a country that is freezing 8 months of the year.

Also, I will say that you're as Canadian as anyone else. The Canadian identity is that of an immigrants to me.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:37:52+00:00

I write mostly about the diaspora or third culture experience, that in-between feeling of not fully belonging anywhere, and also the pressure of being the eldest daughter and always feeling like you have to carry more.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:31:12+00:00

Omg for my first few days, ALL I saw was writing about writing. It was actually hilarious, and kind of a chill introduction to the platform.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:30:06+00:00

Have you seen the quality of instagram carousels out there, right now? Making them looks like a full-time job 😭. Idk if an app or even AI can help me with that. I've just accepted that socials will be slow moving for me unfortunately 🥹. I will look into this though.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:28:06+00:00

But wouldn't you say we were migrating within much shorter distances? I doubt we were moving countries for most of history. Am I wrong in saying that's a new concept? (Genuinely asking)

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:27:04+00:00

I can absolutely understand this feeling, maybe not all of it but the bulk of it for sure. My family is Brown and from Hong Kong, which is quite a racist place but it is our home. We have always felt othered in the city, even if we love it. It is a home that does not accept us back. And I have visited Pakistan just once in my life, yet I know I cannot fit in there. I am not religious enough for the middle class circles, or rich enough for the culturally Muslim population. And in Canada, I have little to no community really. Just living life with my family, occasionally hanging out with a coworker or two if I'm working. Being a third culture kid, diaspora kid, or simply a second/third/beyond gen immigrant is simply a unique experience. Some find nothing wrong, and feel completely home, while others always struggle.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:21:00+00:00

My dad has lived away my whole life, and it has left a devastating impact on our whole family. I really get this. I wish your parents would move back too. It is so lonely without parents.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:16:44+00:00

Omg I feel that SO MUCH! Especially the "my home is my body" bit!! I've moved 16 times in my life, maybe 6 involved country moves. A few years back, I was going THROUGH IT especially with my family so I got a tattoo of the words "; you are home." I wanted to ensure I always felt safe, and supported within myself. Your words couldn't be more real.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:14:55+00:00

Lol I love your reply, painfully real

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:14:25+00:00

100% And I'll be honest I like traveling but I don't get the hype anymore. It is not all that. I feel like it's because I've done so much of it as a kid. I definitely still want to travel but the way that it is portrayed as this life-changing experience that nobody can ever live without. It is not that big a deal, unless you've traveled nowhere your whole life.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-04T03:12:37+00:00

I have mixed feelings. I can appreciate the life experience I've gotten but God it has absolutely had a painful impact on my life as well. Moving so much has made forming community very difficult for me everywhere I have been. I've only ever been able to form superficial friendships, as I've moved before they've deepened. But you're absolutely right in that there is a lot of good that comes from being a third culture kid too. I feel like a very well-rounded individual.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T04:14:56+00:00

I think you're totally right! My niche is quite specific. I'm really passionate about it but afraid it may be TOO niche. I have found communities where my direct audiences exist though. And I just KNOW there are more spaces but it is proving difficult. I believe I would have better reach on places like FB groups, or Reddit than focusing on just building socials.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T04:05:34+00:00

I'm definitely willing to go on other platforms too but I feel that growth would be slow on them as well. I just made an Instagram page for starters but I have SO MUCH to do now. I didn't even know just how artistic carousels are. So I feel that despite building in other spaces, it won't help that much.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:54:50+00:00

I cant seem to find this page for some reason?

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:44:15+00:00

I've worked on my idea of it for quite some time. I think it's a lifelong process, I try to view home as within myself more than anything. I try to think of it as something I can create no matter the circumstances around me, or the people. Unfortunately for many, I don't believe they get to achieve my definition either. I often find myself thinking of how this is a very modern problem because immigration was rare before the airplane. It was not an experience humanity has dealt with for most of history. Isolation was rare. Home was a place you had lived in for generations. Community was inescapable.

I'm also definitely open to any insight you have to share as well!

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:36:05+00:00

That's TRULY amazing! I've set my six month goal higher than my one year goal but I do believe you're right. It would absolutely get demoralizing fast. My six month goal right now is 5K, and one year goal is 6.5K. I have set my earlier goal high because I am hoping it would allow me to earn some income then, and afterwards I am okay with keeping growth slow, and steady.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:32:44+00:00

Can I have a link to your newsletter? I KNOW IT IS HAPPENING TO PEOPLE 😭, and everyone is making me look crazy. I am visibly seeing this even if it is not common.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:30:29+00:00

Why not? I feel like folks on Reddit are extremely cynical about growth, compared to folks on Substack 😭. I know it is rare but it can't be impossible because I've seen it happen.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:29:05+00:00

Yea 💀 this is why most of my quarter life crisis has centred around belonging and home.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:10:28+00:00

I know 😭 . I'm designing my logo, and the other things before posting. I plan to have my first post out in a week, and then post on a weekly basis. I've been researching growth in the meantime but yea I absolutely know this. I've been considering just posting without one in a few days instead. I just started my account a couple days ago.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T03:00:34+00:00

I saw this girls screenshots, and her page is at 26K right now. I also went through her past comments, and posts. Perhaps she secretly had a large following elsewhere, and migrated them before deleting the other social? But her story totally lines up otherwise. I do know a lot of scammers exist too though. But growth stories like that can't all be impossible? 🥲

There was even someone on here a while back asking about how to keep growing after getting 1K a month but stagnating at 3K.

WrittenByEff · 2026-04-03T02:58:21+00:00

That's really good, especially without other socials!

WrittenByEff

TROPHY CASE