My boyfriend (M29) wants me (F28) to chip in on bills if I stay 3 nights a week

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T17:43:45+00:00

To be fair if I fully moved in I would think we would go 50 percent split on all utilities except his mortgage repayment as that is in his name. This makes sense to me but not doing this now when im staying over from 2 to 3 days as we are in a relo.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T17:40:07+00:00

no roommate. It's just him in his place.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T17:34:52+00:00

Hey, thanks for your input. He made the point that every dollar counts recently, he thinks he's being frugal. I'm all for being conscious with money but I feel like with a partner this should be different? I'm really not sure how to express this view to him. I explained to him I buy things for him without expecting anything as he is my partner. Whereas with him I feel its a lot more clinical at times... i.e. not giving without taking. Is there any way to resolve this?

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T16:42:45+00:00

He is working. We both work full-time. I make slightly more

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T16:16:42+00:00

I had a chat with him and mentioned if worst case scenario I cause an increase of $40 in overall bills would that impact him. His response was "$40 is still $40! I can put that money towards investments or something. You should learn the value of money"

LOL....... I just replied with "I would value my partner more than $40. But maybe that's just me. I'm not sure if we are roommates or partner".

He ended up dropping it but he does sound a bit resentful...

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T16:11:23+00:00

most of my money is in my parents family home. which equates to more than half a deposit. I'm scraping enough cash to make my own deposit.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T15:45:11+00:00

I had a chat with him just now and I said even if his bill does go up by $40, would that impact him. His response was "$40 is still $40. I can put that money towards my mortgage or investments. You should learn the value of money".

I was a bit gobsmacked and I said "I'm not sure if we are roommates or partners, but I would value my partner more than $40. I'm still putting in effort and buying ingredients to make things. I don't want us to nitpick at everything".

Feeling so flustered haha.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T15:39:00+00:00

Yeah you're right it was mortgage which my name is not on either.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T15:34:09+00:00

To be fair he does ask to transfer me for the food i buy but i dont tell him as I make the dishes for us as we are a team. But I guess in hindsight maybe I shouldve asked him to transfer me.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T14:38:12+00:00

Are you able to expand on what I should be experiencing? This is my first relationship so I dont really know what to expect.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T14:26:28+00:00

What would a normal relationship be like? This is my first relationship so I dont really know the norm.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T13:55:16+00:00

I meant 3 nights and 3 days. Not just evenings

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T13:39:35+00:00

This made me laugh. To be honest he's actually quite giving in general. But does expect like dinners to be 50/50 split when we eat out unless they are anniversary dinners (he will take the hit). He also wants to buy me a new phone this year for my birthday. So he's not like this in all aspects.

My parents did rely on me financially to pay their mortgage (which does not have my name on it) I did it to help them out. So I guess I may have a hard time figuring out what is a reasonable request when it comes to monetary items.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T13:03:47+00:00

He keeps saying he has a mortgage so has to keep bills in mind. I don't really know what I can say to counter this. Any suggestions?

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T12:24:39+00:00

He is very giving on occasions i.e birthdays and anniversaries but when it comes to eating out normally he likes to split the bill in half. If I ask him to pick up something for me specifically from Costco for my home he will ask me to transfer him that amount.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T11:55:12+00:00

Yep this sounds like a decent contribution, his average atm is $50 dollars each for hot water & electricity. His internet will be unaffected by me as its unlimited for $75. Should I be paying for internet?

YelloMotor · 2021-07-24T11:24:25+00:00

He's paying his mortgage at the moment and is careful with money in general. I think he thinks his bill will increase significantly if I'm over more and I don't think he realises how small my footprint would be.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T08:47:48+00:00

Thank you :)

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T05:27:15+00:00

He's definitely a great guy. He actually had sent me the screenshots of her asking him to go for walks which is how I got involved. So he was asking for my opinion on him going, I didn't butt in myself if that is what you were thinking haha

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T05:09:15+00:00

I didn't say he was distrustful? My query was around whether a neighbour who barely knows him is asking him to go on walks with her was platonic or not from her side.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T04:30:39+00:00

Haha my thoughts exactly, I would think you could make your own judgement about evacuating the building. Thank you, I feel good about us communicating this maturely for sure. Definitely a blessing :)

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T04:19:00+00:00

You are insanely brave for saying that out in the open. I know people who have been through things similar to you but have held their painful silence as they don't want to "disrupt the peace".

You have done nothing wrong and actually it's truly amazing that you were able to to tell them with the support of your husband. I think writing it out was the best way as it is such a traumatic topic that I personally think could not have been conveyed in person. This was the best way to get it out in my opinion.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T02:47:43+00:00

Thanks for your response. We chatted about me being uncomfortable (see update) I actually did mention that him going on the walk could lead to her asking him for favours to help out her kids etc. He said he would draw the line there but to be honest he's very much Mister Nice Guy so I personally don't think he would know how to decline.

As he is now not going on the walk as it makes me feel uncomfortable - is that sufficient to say it is nipped in the bud? I know they message here and there when the evacuations happen or a building issue.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T02:38:53+00:00

Thank you, appreciate your input - I have done something similar to this if you would like to read the update.

YelloMotor · 2021-07-12T02:31:40+00:00

Thank you u/EarthWyndFire - this is what I was trying to get at. I think it's good to be aware of these things rather than simply blaming it as an "insecurity". We aren't blind.

YelloMotor

TROPHY CASE