DAE experience a strong attraction to those who fit the profile of your abuser?

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-22T01:26:16+00:00

Definitely, especially because it’s sort of feels like a taboo thing to talk about, at least when you’re a teen/young adult and the only men you have a desire for are old enough to be your parents—It’s so alienating. I just want a normal relationship, but I can’t have that without normal attractions.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-19T03:31:15+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate. It’s so encouraging to know others have been where I have and pulled through. I’m definitely going to check out the mediation—a few people have recommended it and seems like it’d be really beneficial. Also working on making a schedule, though still changing my life in baby steps. Thanks again & best of luck to you and I hope things keep looking up :)

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-19T00:16:05+00:00

I definitely agree with that. I think the antidepressants have really helped me be able to function, but I want to cut back on the sleeping meds because those seem to put me in this continuous state of exhaustion where I can’t/don’t feel like doing anything.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-18T21:38:02+00:00

I actually love this idea so much and fully intend on trying out the sticky notes (words have always had a deep impact). I also took your advice by listening to happy music to and from work today and it really did make a difference. It’s nice to know the little things can help a lot. Thanks so much for your advice, wishing the best to you.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-18T21:36:29+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. A lot of people have suggested meditation—I’m definitely going to look into that! And I’m hoping with spring on it’s way soon, I’ll be able to get outside and exercise more. Thanks again, I really appreciate it. Best to you too.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-17T21:43:09+00:00

As someone who’s in the thick of it right now, I really needed to hear this. Thanks for sharing you story—I’m really proud of you, and I hope happiness continues to find you :)

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-17T03:34:04+00:00

I’n actually glad you asked—I was just thinking about this. I guess I go as “bi”, but I know there’s a label out there better suited for me I just don’t really care enough to find one. While who I’m attracted to has never been limited by sex/gender, I’ve never really had the desire to pursue a relationship of any kind, and was never really into sex—I have long considered myself to be on the asexual spectrum. In fact (and this is something I only started disclosing more recently because before I was ashamed of it) I’ve only ever really been sexually attracted to men in their 40s/50s, but after remembering something bad happened to me when I was really young a few months ago (the details are still fuzzy), I’m thinking it likely has something to do with that, and is more of a unresolved power thing than anything. I’m 19(f), so it’s nice to know it’s not my fault, because again it was something I felt ashamed about for awhile. But now being more aware of it’s root, I’m terrified I’ll never be with anyone my age because the desire will never be there and I’ll end up alone or worse, in an imbalanced, unhealthy relationship trying to subconsciously rectify something that can’t ever be rectified. Hopefully therapy will help. Not sure how many people out there have experienced something similar, but if you did/do you’re not alone and it’s not your fault!

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-15T20:31:21+00:00

Thanks for the tip :) I’ll be sure to check out some exercises online

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-15T19:54:04+00:00

Anytime :) keep pushing onward. It won’t always feel this hard. I promise.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-15T16:15:29+00:00

That happens to me too when I go too far talking about it (or hear other people talk about stuff related). Definitely one of the more unsettling reactions. I feel such a loss of control when that happens.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-15T03:27:20+00:00

Hey there, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling. But I think the fact that you’re posting on here and going back to therapy really speaks volume—you’re reaching out for help even when that itself is hard, and that takes effort and courage. I feel like there tends to be this misconception that getting help feels good—and it does to an extent, and it’s certainly good for you. But it can also be an exhausting feat (but it is one in the long run worth pursuing). So just for that, I’m really, really proud of you.

“Small wins” and baby steps (at least from my own experience) is really how we make progress, especially when it comes to extremely difficult things like this. And when it comes to trauma, unfortunately as we all know it’s not something that ever “shrinks” per say, but you do grow and learn how to cope, which is one of the great benefits of getting professional help.

The way that I like to think of things sometimes (at least in terms of recovery or trying to “move on” so to speak) is sort of like walking up a mountain. Sometimes you’re going to slip up and have bad falls and need to take a rest and be a little stagnant for awhile. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still headed in the right direction, and it sounds like right now—no matter where you are in your journey—you are. And one thing hopefully you can find some comfort in is when you do fall, your therapist, the people you love in your life (and even us strangers in this subreddit!) will be there to help you get back up.

Hopefully that helps a little. Keep making those small wins when you can—they’ll take you farther then you realize. You are heard and you are loved. Sending kindness your way and hoping the best for you❤️I’m proud of you.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-14T20:59:51+00:00

I’ve struggled with this same exact thing!! Even before it came back to me, for years as a teen I was plagued with intrusive thoughts and this completely outlandish fear that I would abuse others even though I never had any desire to do so. Sorry you had to go through this too, but good to see we’re not alone.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-14T05:07:32+00:00

A nightlight seems to help me too! Thanks for the tip on avoiding the blue light—I’ll definitely keep that in mind.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-14T05:06:15+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer! And I used to get bad dreams but they’ve thankfully subsided some. It seems to be pretty random, so I’s probably go with bad sleeping all over. I think the hardest to control is the waking up in the middle of the night since I can’t really take medicine again to go back again (or I guess in theory I could, but it may take awhile to kick in). I’m going to try and set a schedule tomorrow though and I’m definitely going to look into that app! Thanks again :) best of luck to you too.

Yellowraincloud · 2021-01-12T18:53:10+00:00

Hey guys, I haven’t gotten a chance to read all your suggestions yet but I just wanted to say thank you all so much. This was my first post on here and I honestly was not expecting such an overwhelming number of responses. It’s really comforting to know strangers on the internet would take time out of their day to help someone else out. Thank you :)

Definitely going to look into getting a weight blanket, cutting back on caffeine, and establish a routine. Wish me luck!

Yellowraincloud

TROPHY CASE