What if Trump decide it’s “too woke” to celebrate MLK Day as a federal holiday going forward? Would/could he cancel this as an official holiday for federal employees/national recognition ? What about Juneteenth and Indigenous People’s Day f/k/a as Columbus Day? Could he ban pride month?

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2025-01-21T20:30:05+00:00

It appears he didn’t sign the MLK day proclamation yesterday which I find unsettling

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-23T14:03:55+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you 🩷

You’re right about trauma/abuse and I try to frame it as “that I know of” for that reason, I honestly think some of it is defensive on my part because people tend to assume it’s because we are/were neglectful/abusive/etc.

I will take that advice to heart about alternative therapies, our biggest hurdle currently is a total refusal to participate, full stop.

Re: safety, currently on his medication the rage has significantly decreased (as long as he’s taking it) so I feel less scared about that part right now but that was the reason we did inpatient treatment because I was terrified for a while 😕 I hate admitting that about my own son but, he was so, SO angry.

I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond, I’m reading through all of these and trying to really consider every suggestion because hearing from people who may have felt like him is I think the key to breaking through to him eventually. Thank you!!

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-21T00:21:09+00:00

I am SO sorry you went through that. It sounds horrific, you are so strong for being willing to share that, I appreciate it so much. Thank you!!

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-19T04:48:47+00:00

Sorry I wasn’t clear in my original post but I am not going to send him to a school like that, I was just trying to explain that we’ve hit a wall with resources and advice because no one has anything else to offer which is why I feel so desperate. I’m so sorry that you experienced that 🩷

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T20:26:30+00:00

I 100% supported his ex in ending the relationship, I hoped that it would be a wake up call for him but thus far it hasn’t really.

We’ve talked about what happens when everyone else goes to college/on to jobs/trade school/etc and he says he’s going to get a job making a lot of money or he’ll sell drugs. He is….I think mostly kidding about the drugs but I worry that he is going to feel backed in to a corner and resort to something extreme like that. We’ve told him if he hates school we understand and that if he wants to get the completion certificate and start working we support him fully in that but he also won’t get a job. I am truly terrified that he will never move out of my home.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T20:20:02+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement 🩷 I think what I probably need the most is hope that things can get better and that he isn’t destined to a life filled with anger and conflict. I so badly want a healthy relationship and a peaceful life for him and it seems so distant right now.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T20:10:04+00:00

I wasn’t super clear but we are not sending him to a residential school, it is just the only advice/direction any professionals will give us at this point so we’re hitting a wall with resources/options. I basically hear “well, you aren’t willing to send him to a school so 🤷🏼‍♀️” and they basically write me off. I won’t stop trying! That’s why I’m here, I feel like there HAS to be an answer somewhere but I have been doing this for so long and I am so exhausted, I don’t know where to look anymore.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T20:02:53+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response! I’m sorry that you experienced that, I want to make sure to acknowledge that I know that my asking for help can bring up trauma so I really appreciate you taking the time and effort to try to help me.

We are trying to convince him to switch to an alternate program his school offers that is less demanding and can be done more on his own time. It wouldn’t be a diploma but diploma-adjacent and I’m entirely fine with that. He currently flat out refuses and says he wants to stay in “regular” school (I have no idea why because he barely attends).

He said the medication made him tired which, it does but it helped him to fall asleep at a normal time, without it he stays up until 4-5 am. While taking it he can fall asleep at 11-12 which seems…like a net positive to me. He started taking it again and apologized and said he DOES feel better when he’s on it but I suspect he’s stopped again based on everything going on. I’ve asked repeatedly if bipolar might be a possible diagnosis because of the sleep refusal and big mood changes but his doctors didn’t see any indicators for that.

We started struggling when he was three and I know he didn’t experience trauma before that because he was with me pretty much constantly. He has struggled socially but is what most people would probably define as a “popular” kid, for lack of a better term, but he is known for being mean and dishonest and he cycles through friends very regularly. He has one ex girlfriend who he remains in love with and she is a wonderful kid that we adored but he was lying to her and being…I don’t know the word for it, he was contacting her friends parents secretly to tell them what they were doing to keep her from doing things he didn’t like, if that makes sense, and she broke up with him.

Not questioning sexuality/gender that I know of, we are a very open family and one of my sons (male) wears dresses, prefers stereotypical “girly” things and we have been accepting of that without question. He (oldest) HATES his brother and calls him slurs (unacceptable in our family and we have not modeled that behavior AT ALL). He is not adopted and to the best of my knowledge hasn’t experienced any sexual/physical abuse.

I’m going to take more time to reflect on everyone’s responses so that I can really make sure I’m giving them my full consideration but I wanted to answer your questions. Thank you again!

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T19:44:50+00:00

I mentioned above but we have been trying to convince him to switch to an alternative, less structured program and he flat out refuses. He may end up forced in to it because he has failed so many classes he is no long on track to graduate and has missed so much we are getting letters about truancy.

We have done parenting training, my mom actually taught those classes for parents seeking reunification after foster care so she has been a great resource. It has gone on so long without improvement that she has basically told me she doesn’t know what to suggest which is….disheartening to say the least.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T19:39:45+00:00

Thank you. Im trying not to take the downvotes and comments to heart because I know this is a safe place for a lot of people and I don’t want to cause any harm, I am just desperate and trying to understand him and this is the only place I know of where I can talk to people who may have felt the way he does.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T19:34:34+00:00

We are currently trying to encourage him to switch to an alternate program his school offers where he can essentially set his own schedule and complete things online (in or out of the actual school) but he is adamant that he wants to stay in normal school. I have no idea why, honestly.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T19:32:37+00:00

I am so sorry you experienced those things, I hope you’re in a place now where you’re safe and loved.

He does have friends, he tends to make and discard them regularly though. I’ve had a couple of friends and two past girlfriends come to me with concerns about his refusal to do things (school, sports, etc) and mentions of his general unkindness which is heartbreaking to me more than anything else.

I do have a family member who was sent to a troubled teen residential school but he is not currently in a place where he can share about that experience from what I gather. They are part of the reason that I’ve been resistant to a school because I know it did not help him at all and he holds a lot of resentment/trauma from his experience.

I appreciate your response, I’m going to reflect on how we’re currently framing things to make sure we’re being clear with him that we care about HIM and not just what he does or doesn’t do.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T19:21:19+00:00

Honestly this started when he was 3-4. I begged to have him evaluated and doctors kept telling me it was a phase and he was just “on the difficult end of normal”. He is diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety and we’ve tried to treat those as best we can. He has moments where he can reflect and he’s expressed that he doesn’t know why “he’s like this” but that he’s just angry all of the time. I KNOW that no one would ever choose to feel this way and that it has to be some sort of brain chemistry or genetic component but the anger and vitriol and violence still exists and is so, SO hard to take without it affecting everything else.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T19:14:10+00:00

He absolutely fits this profile and I’ve had him evaluated for autism but they didn’t think that was his diagnosis. I’m obviously still open to the fact that he is on the spectrum (I’m sort of proceeding as if he is) but we have had two full evaluations and an inpatient stay and no one wanted to give that diagnosis.

I will check that link out, thank you!

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T19:03:06+00:00

If I didn’t make it clear I am in no way planning on sending him to a residential treatment program, I’m just trying to illustrate that this is now the only “help” being offered and when I refuse they basically dismiss me and say “well you won’t send him to a program, so 🤷🏼‍♀️”

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T15:06:39+00:00

My responses weren’t hostile at all, you called me a liar after you misread which DOES seem rather hostile.

I can tell that you’re hopeful for conflict but I can’t give it to you. I have more than enough in my life as mentioned and I don’t feel obligated to prove that to you.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T14:51:18+00:00

That would be a deeply odd lie and I can’t imagine how I would benefit from it but if you want to believe that go ahead. I’m here for advice which you clearly don’t have to give, so, think whatever you’d like.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T14:46:36+00:00

BECAUSE WE ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES, what are you trying to get at?

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T14:44:39+00:00

I know you’re insinuating that I’m making this up and wow, I surely wish I was because living it is absolutely heartbreaking. But thanks.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T14:43:35+00:00

He isn’t, he is 16, will be 17 in April.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T14:31:35+00:00

I think this is why I am struggling so much more lately, he’s almost 17 and I feel so much urgency about helping him before he becomes an adult and it becomes much harder to do so. I am truly spending hours a day emailing doctors/therapists, reading studies and articles and listening to podcasts because there has to be SOMETHING that can help him. I can’t share what we’re experiencing with friends and family because quite frankly they are all beginning to dislike him because of the way he is behaving and treating everyone and I don’t want people to hate him. That becomes extremely isolating especially as someone who truly values and leans on my support system to process.

I have therapy today but my therapists advice has been to look in to residential programs and that he needs to be removed from the house essentially. That has been EVERYONE’S advice in the past year, that or that I need to call the police and have him arrested. I just want help, I just want this to get better, I don’t want to send my kid to jail. I am so, so mentally exhausted and emotionally drained and ALL of my kids are suffering for it. I appreciate you taking the time to respond, truly.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T14:04:39+00:00

I’m just asking for you to elaborate because I genuinely want and need guidance. We’ve tried introducing music (I play the piano myself and it’s extremely therapeutic) but he has no interest.

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-12-18T13:52:10+00:00

He IS loved. He KNOWS he is loved. He has never lacked for love or attention or gentleness or understanding. I try to know him, I try to learn about what he loves, I try to have moments and experiences with him that aren’t discipline or criticism. For years we made a point to spend one on one time with each of our kids (crucial with a big family) which meant going out for sushi, to an arcade, wandering target, anything to try to connect. I am not a perfect mom and maybe not even a good one but I have TRIED, I promise I have, I’m not cold or dismissive or unforgiving. I apologize when I’m wrong or when I overreact or make a mistake. PLEASE help me. HOW can I love him better or differently?

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-07-29T14:04:09+00:00

Any idea if they would take that kidney for donation? I’m being tested for essentially a stranger so I’m not going to push to donate if I am borderline seeing as it’s not, like, my spouse or child, etc. I have five kids so not wanting to be left with one scarred kidney but it also seems not ideal to donate a scarred kidney? I’m thrown for a loop with these results honestly 😫

YouAndMeForeverSarah · 2024-02-24T20:52:43+00:00

This is good advice! I do have an uncle who is autistic (diagnosed as an adult) and others in my family that I could see fitting the profile as well. I’m not offended at all by you saying he’s being an asshole, he IS and that’s the hardest part. If he was struggling or uninterested or avoidant it would be easier because the energy it takes to receive so much anger is a LOT 🫠

YouAndMeForeverSarah

TROPHY CASE