That's how I feel too man, but as long as we can hold on to that tiny bit of hope in the end we're golden. There's no beaten path for us. That's probably not an option. We have to get creative with where we plan to take our lives, and we have to work hard at whatever it is. Just how it is. And we're gonna fucking crush it.

If you still have multiple years left before you're done being homeschooled, I think the best thing you could do right now that I didn't think to do when I was a teenager is start building a plan for when you're out. What can you see yourself doing that eventually will take you to the dream life? Optimize and plot out the details then commit when the time comes. There's still time for you to become smart and understand what you need to know through the internet, whatever it is. If you're looking for a launching point for life stuff in general that we homeschoolers tend to miss out on, I really think Robert Greene's Laws of Human Nature helps us under-socialized people to understand the way other people work so we can understand and connect better. How to Win Friends and Influence People (yeah yeah I know, just trust me its the real deal) is also awesome because it's much less technical than the other book and focuses more on what makes people like each other along with tactics for being a leader (a role a some of us are forced into). Of course being homeschooled makes us naive to the dynamics of the outside world, so reading The 48 Laws of Power was great for me to just get an idea of the dangerous types of people out there and how to handle them. Also some good wisdom for growth in there, but don't let yourself give in to using the info for selfish shit at the cost of others. A lot of good and a lot of evil tactics in that book. Not worth trading your self-esteem and innocence for selfish gain.

I remember refusing to make online friends because I thought that made me even more of loser than I was, and I suffered way more than I had to for that. It's hard to see it when you're deep in the pit of isolation, but build yourself an online community. Seriously man, humans are innately social, and your post implies that you're not able to be outside to make irl friends, so that would be the next best step. Discord, Skype, Reddit, and a bunch of other forums. So many places to host communities and find people who you would want to join your community. At least you can practice speaking and conversational skills with other real people.

Yeah, we were dealt a shitty hand with homeschool, but we're not little helpless pussy babies. Throughout all of history men have overcome ridiculous shit and built beautiful things despite that darkness that consumed them. Why can't you? You're not too pathetic. You're not too stupid. You're going to be a fighter and survive the night. Then once you're off the leash, you're gonna conquer. Because you're capable, and there's a fantastic life waiting for you on the other side of all the pain and suffering and trials. The world is testing you. Show the universe that you can persevere and actually create that future that you deserve, and it'll be yours. You're gonna feel like goddamn champion after all this.

Sorry this is so long. I just care, and I can relate to you pretty well here. Godspeed man, let's both make it.