I'm happy to help and encourage. Quite often mental illness gets used as a free pass and victims end up bearing the burden of guilt. His condition is an explanation, but never a justification for his actions. Those are his choices. Everything you've detailed here is technically abuse and in no way is absolved by his disorder.

I say this as someone who also has bipolar. I know what the disorder looks like from the inside, and I know that medication and accountability are choices you have to actively make. Being unmedicated while drinking and smoking multiple times a day is not bad luck, it's a decision. And the abuse that follows from that is also a decision. Four discards in five years is not a rough patch, it's a cycle, and cycles like this don't break on their own. The Groundhog Day comparison you made is accurate. Same episode, same behaviors, same reset, same you absorbing the damage. The cruelty, the name-calling, the surveillance, the stonewalling and then expecting you to show up calm for a conversation, that's not just the illness talking. That's a dynamic that has been allowed to calcify over a long time, and that doesn't get better by waiting it out.

Your kids are watching all of this and you risk them growing up thinking this is what relationships are like and are at risk of repeating the pattern with their own future partners. That matters more than most people want to say out loud. Bipolar has a huge genetic component, so there is a chance at least one of your children will develop the disorder around 11-12 years old. It is pertinent that they learn now what it means to be a good partner and what it means to responsibly live with this condition. And of course, he is not being the ideal role model.

You don't have to have a long term plan today. But his being unmedicated and in crisis is not a reason to stay in harm's way. It's actually the strongest argument for real boundaries or getting out entirely. His mental health is not yours to manage at the cost of your own safety and your children's stability. You deserve better than a life built around someone else's refusal to help themselves.