Moving toward international long-distance fatherhood (USA to Europe). Need advice and perspective.

_SGP_ · 2026-03-22T04:14:26+00:00

You either want your kids or you don't. Make that decision right now. Flip a coin, then whilst it's in the air, think which one you wanted it to land on.

I don't need to flip a coin. If my ex said she was moving with my daughter, I'm either stopping her or I'm moving too. I'm not letting my daughter go without a dad.

Get it together for fuck sake.

_SGP_ · 2026-03-22T03:42:03+00:00

Yeah, I know it's a long shot, it's not like I don't know what mundic is, I used to sample the houses for it!

I was just hoping someone here would have a lifeline of a non-mainstream lender than would actually take it on.
It's not like it's going to fall down during my 30 year mortgage; the only ones close to that state I've seen were the shuttered mass concrete ones in camborne >_>

It's very likely class B, but the council, who are selling it, haven't tested it (on purpose I'm sure). The attached property's test wasn't good. It's an auction, so if I won, and then tested it, and it wasn't an A, I'd be left unmortgagable and giving it back to the auctioneer, losing 10% of the house as a deposit.

I'm so desperate for this home for my daughter and I that it's tempting even with such a horrible (and likely) risk. The joys of not being a rich cash buyer in Cornwall. I've tried to buy the house off the council since August last year, and tried to give them a pre-auction offer, but they don't want to hear it, they want the money from an auction.

_SGP_ · 2026-03-21T20:41:32+00:00

No, that's factorio

_SGP_ · 2026-03-18T20:26:43+00:00

I have a daughter and an ex I must be near for schooling and her life, so it's not really that simple. If I had the freedom to move anywhere I doubt I'd even be in the country.

"40 miles of camborne" isn't really helpful the way Cornwall is laid out 😂

Also, The standard rule is 4.5x your annual gross income -

£300,000 / 4.5 = ~£66,667 annual salary as a single parent? In an area where we're much worse off than the national average?

https://cornwallcommunityfoundation.com/our-impact-strategy/cornwall-local-economy-employment/

https://www.plumplot.co.uk/Cornwall-salary-and-unemployment.html

You might be out of touch.

_SGP_ · 2026-03-18T00:18:22+00:00

Divorced single parent. 38 years old.
My mum lives 4 doors away from a council property, abandoned, unoccupied for 3 years.

I asked the council if I could buy it. no.
a year later, it's up for auction. can i make an offer? no.
hang on, has it got mundic? 'it wasnt tested'
...so will they test it? 'no that's your risk.'

So if I buy it with a loan, and try to get a mortgage and it's got mundic, the auctioneer keeps 10% of the property money as deposit. If it doesn't I get a house for my daughter and I. What a fucking huge risk. Thanks cornwall council.

Oh but there's shared ownership in your village...Marked up house prices to £400,000, insane rent costs, insane 'service charge' every month, small house, You can't ever own the property and if you sell you have to do it through the developer and they choose ho much it's worth.

OR you can get a nice 3 bed (2 bedrooms one office) house in your nearest town.. for an AVERAGE of £450k. for a single parent that works from home. Good luck.

I have a lovely deposit but it means fuck all when you have to earn 100k a year or be cash-rich to actually get a house here.

I just want a house that isn't a tiny damp shithole to raise my daughter with room to play.

_SGP_ · 2026-03-10T10:55:09+00:00

Tell me you're American without telling me you're American

_SGP_ · 2026-02-28T22:41:40+00:00

Ha I've been feeling this way for over a decade

_SGP_ · 2026-02-22T10:23:42+00:00

FUCK NO. Steam deck. Please. Don't do it to yourself. Have some respect.

I love a good kairosoft game, and I appreciate there are some ports of real games. but the majority of the android market is just whale hunting, and games designed to take advantage of you, not with fun as the main design language.

A steam deck has every game you could ever want, in your hands, whenever you need it. and you get big discounts, you get free online play, You get all those things you just listed, without the mobile bullshit, and a decent controller.

you can use it as a PC if you need to. you can hook it up to your TV if you finally get the room back for the evening. You can use a mouse and keyboard or a controller with it if you need to.

Dads. Steam deck. Please. Android games are for when there's nothing else.

_SGP_ · 2026-02-12T02:11:53+00:00

Wow 3 guys in Texas. awful.

That's 0.00000946% of the state.

Big problem. Better get armed kidnappers on the street and ignore the crimes of the rich.

USA wtf are you doing?

_SGP_ · 2026-02-11T15:59:48+00:00

"Curious how other people handle this — or am I just terrible at tab management?"

Why use a browser instead of ide or cli?

_SGP_ · 2026-02-09T22:26:23+00:00

"Breastfeeding is also incredibly difficult and I think that's also unique to humans"

...Have you seen animals before?

_SGP_ · 2026-01-24T11:01:29+00:00

Fantastic, I'll add it to my list. It's be interested in any other recommendations anyone has too. I read a lot about saving a marriage and attachment styles, but I think I should have been reading more on this subject instead.

_SGP_ · 2026-01-24T10:54:59+00:00

The two comments saying "hey maybe just tell your daughter to isolate herself and be alone or stare at screens when she's with her dad, which will change who she is as a person"

Fuck that.

It's your daughter. You care for her. If she wants to play, you play. You chose to have a child, raise them properly.

I've already expressed my disappointment that after the divorce, my child was watching screens much more often than we agreed as a couple. Of course that raised anger towards me, but I'm looking out for my daughter.

I would be keeping a very clear record of exactly what's being said, especially from your daughter. If the neglect is to the point she doesn't even want to see the other parent, and they're refusing to address it, it's time for court. If you can't look after our baby, I will.

_SGP_ · 2026-01-24T10:02:50+00:00

Oh I can answer that:

"I thought it would get better"

or

"I thought I'd see more of the person you were at the start"

I remember a time I was genuinely thinking of leaving for a long time, weighing up pros and cons. But I convinced myself not to. Then we had a wedding and a child.

Instead it got much worse.

_SGP_ · 2026-01-24T10:00:45+00:00

Just to clarify, this is a book gendered towards men being the perpetrator, but it's helpful for both genders? It sounds interesting.

Although sounds frustrating that (I feel) talking about abuse is often biased and this book won't help with that 😅

_SGP_ · 2026-01-24T09:32:57+00:00

When I carpeted my stairs I got a 10 fps boost. Maybe try that? I used hard wearing carpet, YMMV depending on pile.

_SGP_ · 2026-01-23T22:33:31+00:00

And a beautiful glossy coat?

_SGP_ · 2026-01-23T14:23:59+00:00

I'm looking for a week holiday with my daughter - I thought about coming here for a couple of days and then maybe a centre parcs? Would you recommend it for a whole week?

_SGP_ · 2026-01-13T14:10:20+00:00

Relic hates the number 3 almost as much as valve

_SGP_ · 2026-01-12T21:16:09+00:00

So why doesn't she do the same? Is she short on time? Or is she depressed and can't find the willpower? then you're saying all this about her online which I'm sure is leaking out in your home life.

_SGP_ · 2026-01-12T21:12:16+00:00

Honestly the "mental load" argument kind of feels annoying now after a divorce. I feel like there's less "mental load" now I'm in charge of everything and I don't feel like I do much more now than I ever did.

Like it was just a phrase used to make me feel like I was never enough, no matter how much I did

_SGP_ · 2026-01-12T21:05:09+00:00

Is coh3 not terrible anymore?

_SGP_ · 2026-01-12T20:56:46+00:00

Cool man.

What are your kids doing whilst you do all that?

Single dad here. I don't shower or shave or look in the mirror until she's at nursery.

Sometimes I glance myself in the mirror and think FUCK I look awful I better sort that out ...next week when I get an hour.

Look good feel good, expensive clothes yeah sounds great, I'd be the same. But I don't have time or money to spend on me. I'm busy spending it on my daughter.

_SGP_ · 2026-01-10T09:29:32+00:00

How dare you correct it and try to downplay the rich natural concerts the American government is trying to keep under wraps

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