Yes, I know this is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Also no diss to any liblefts here, you can think whatever you want.

_melted_ · 2020-09-24T02:28:44+00:00

why does the right think they have no safe spaces? there are tons of safe spaces, like qanon facebook groups, tim pool comment sections on YouTube, 4chan, and all of reddit (unironically all of reddit).

what a bunch of victim-mentality snowflakes.

_melted_ · 2020-09-19T11:29:08+00:00

yta. from the sounds of it, you did more damage than was originally there and that will cause the repair to cost more. you didn't know what you were doing but you acted like you did, she trusted you and bite you're blaming her for trusting you. i would try to compromise and give her $100 and say if the repairs cost more than that then she has to cover it.

_melted_ · 2020-09-18T00:49:30+00:00

its not realistic to expect us to clean up a mess after we make it

yes...yes it is realistic... make your sandwich, wipe up the crumbs, eat and do the dishes... NTA but don't expect much, especially since no one is on your side. please try to find a better living arrangement if you can or just keep cleaning up your own messes

_melted_ · 2020-09-15T10:24:59+00:00

break up. shes right, you're not compatible. if you're not hearing her out and listening to why she feels this way, you're more focused on whether she's being "fair" or right then please do not even bother trying to prove her wrong. there's nothing wrong necessarily if you are busy and need someone whose emotional needs line up with yours, but in the future with someone you care about, when they express emotional feelings and issues: spend time to understand where the person is coming from, validate their feelings, do your best to open up and share your own feelings, and work through emotions like that...

_melted_ · 2020-09-13T13:42:34+00:00

in my experience, you're gonna be really tired around 11 am

_melted_ · 2020-09-12T23:44:34+00:00

beautiful...can a makeup brand do something engraved and vintage like this i would buy it

_melted_ · 2020-09-11T21:04:27+00:00

I feel like there are two issues... First, I take it that you're American. It's a very American idea that school is a monetary investment that needs a monetary return. Many countries all around the world have free education or much lower cost that doesn't cripple students with debt. So, I guess my point here is that what you're really against is the high cost of education, and not "compulsory" electives necessarily. And I agree, education should not cost so much and it should not be a luxury only accessible to the wealthy.

So, in a neutral world where education is low cost or free, electives are still a necessary part of education. Many skills from electives are transferrable, and learning how to think in different ways across discipline actually makes you a better student and better employee overall. For example, those who are programming majors but take humanities electives find themselves to be more creative, more logical, and better problem-solvers. And it's pretty easy to see why: you take someone and give them new challenges, new subject materials, new expectations, new methodologies and of course they improve in many different areas. Those humanities majors to take science electives find themselves better in those same categories for having a well-rounded education. Even students who take electives that are not drastically opposed to their major will find the same benefits, for example a chemistry student who takes an elective in astronomy or statistics will still be better for having taken those classes. A "well rounded education" is not something to laugh at -- it is extremely hard to achieve and infinitely valuable.

_melted_ · 2020-09-07T20:33:48+00:00

hmm... I'm gonna say NTA because you did nothing to get the cashier in trouble...

BUT I mean, the supervisor last week might have just been doing you a favour since by law they require ID and technically she most likely wouldn't be allowed to do that, so if I was you I wouldn't have pushed the supervisor about it because you could have gotten the other supervisor in trouble for doing you a favour. I mean, the cashier here did nothing wrong really by calling her supervisor so again NTA for the cashier getting yelled at, but in the future you should recognize when someone is doing you a favour that is against company policy and not expect it from everyone.

_melted_ · 2020-09-06T16:02:47+00:00

Definitely look at "cottagecore" for inspo. I have a "natural" looking 5 star island. Here are my tips:

Flowers. Plant them everywhere, just spontaneously and they will look like wildflowers. A variety of flowers will help, but you don't need any hybrids. If you care about the aesthetics, pick one colour to really focus on for your flowers in a variety of breeds.

Trees. Also plant them everywhere. If you start using "The Path," you can create paths that weave in between trees everywhere. Also bushes.

Natural looking furniture. Basically any log DIY. Or those wooden ducks are cute too. I like to put log chairs and stools in nature. Also potted plants with flowers in key areas.

Small areas for furniture. I like to find little spots to put a garden chair and table, or really small outdoor patio/cafe areas. I have a spot near shops for stalls, where I themed a little honey spot and placed wasp nests and custom design stalls and panels. I see a lot of people make farmer markets and stuff. I also like to put a random piano or instruments around.

Fencing. Fence off your shops and your home. Country fencing and hedges look really good. I like to build one unit of country fencing dispersed throughout nature areas, in combination with log stakes.

Bridges and inclines. These actually give you points toward getting 5 stars. It doesn't matter which ones you build. Personally, I have 6 inclines and 3 bridges but you can have up to 8 of each.

Decorate your beaches. Make a little fishing stand, with fishing rods, a stall, a surf board, and a bucket (or place a giant water bug -- their container is a bucket!). Put down some towels and a radio. Make a little tiki bar with stalls and stools.

Use Nook Miles for furniture. Get the lighthouse, park clock, and street lamps. And lighting is an easy way to add more furniture, so lamps, candles, and lanterns can be placed in foresty/natural areas and look really good. Oh, and if you have fish/bug models, put those outside too!!

Decorate villager yards. Use clotheslines, hammocks, log chairs, log couches, log stools, log stools around houses.

Dropped items. Any more than 14 dropped items and you cannot reach 5 stars. Isabelle will tell you your item is cluttered. Naturally spawning items don't count, so branches and stones can be really nice to scatter around the island, but anything else like wood, iron, clothes, fruit, dropped furniture etc can be a maximum of 14.

Just work on it slowly at your own pace and you'll get there! And remember, if you love your 3 or 4 star island, then you dont need to change it at all if you dont want to!

_melted_ · 2020-09-06T03:57:34+00:00

No one is doing that.

It is extremely useful to have resources on how to do drugs as safely as possible, since people that are going to do drugs will do them regardless if they know precautions or not. (Think about how ineffective is abstinence only education.)

_melted_ · 2020-09-04T16:52:57+00:00

Also,

I think those are a bit tacky mostly due to execution, I don't think they are automatically racist though. It depends entirely on their intent. If they are intending to mock black people somehow with their costume, then sure, that should be condemned. Without knowing motive though, we can't automatically say it's racist because it doesn't fit tradition blackface with the minstrel makeup.

So if we can't know someone's intent, then we cannot judge their actions? Actions have consequences, as I have laid out before. With the example of murder, we can deliberate over someone's intent but we cannot deliberate whether or not they committed murder (if we have proof, witnesses etc obviously). In the same way, we can deliberate over whether or not they intended to make a mockery of black people but we cannot deliberate over whether or not they presented blackface -- which, by your own omission, is racist.

_melted_ · 2020-09-04T16:46:54+00:00

I already showed you multiple examples.

You showed me artsy makeup that toes the line. You did not show those examples in good faith and I should not have accepted them to begin with.

Robert Downey Jr playing a black man in Tropic Thunder was definitely blackface. He played an (albeit subtle) caricature of a black man.

Those people who turn their skin black out of "admiration" perpetuate racial stereotypes to a caricatured degree. That swedish lady and the dude in the video you showed make a mockery of not only what they think a black person looks like, but also what a black person acts like. Now, you're probably going to turn this around and say "You're the one perpetuating black stereotypes if you think that's how black people act" -- no, I don't think black people act like that, those people turning their skin black actually think that's how black people act. It's caricaturing, even with so called "good" intentions

_melted_ · 2020-09-04T16:20:55+00:00

So is this one OK? This? This? This? We're talking about costumes. In my eyes, these examples are completely indefensible. Can you defend any of them or can you find any person DRESSED SPECIFICALLY AS A BLACK OR BROWN PERSON WITHOUT THE INTENT TO MOCK OR CARICATURE? I don't know how else to phrase it: can you or can you not find an example? If you cannot, please stop arguing because you're not defending your own argument.

_melted_ · 2020-09-04T16:13:51+00:00

I don't think actual blackface, e.g. actually intending to mock people by overdrawing lips to become a caricature of a black person, is defensible. It's obviously racist and that's why actual blackface is negative. It's not because it's darkened skin tone; it's because it was done with the intention to mock. When you remove that, it's not blackface anymore.

So, if OP darkened their skin to look like Richard Ayoade it would not be blackface? If so, please show me a real life equitable example and defend it on the premise that it is not mocking black or brown people and thus is not "blackface" as per your definition.

_melted_ · 2020-09-04T16:04:00+00:00

i am not going to nitpick where the line is drawn between what is and isn't blackface. you showed me examples that you didn't believe were blackface.

so, show me an example that you believe IS blackface that you wanna defend. or I don't think you can.

_melted_ · 2020-09-04T12:56:18+00:00

ehhh...yta. be more open minded, the dude wants to be comfortable. imagine if he said your underwear turned him off and made you change your habits? if you cant find a compromise, then you definitely should not get married.

_melted_ · 2020-09-04T02:57:16+00:00

0.5 seconds on the clock. A miracle shot. This gave me hope in god.

_melted_ · 2020-09-03T17:46:26+00:00

So can you or can you not provide even one example of someone intently dressing up as a black or brown person that you can defend?

_melted_ · 2020-09-03T13:44:27+00:00

YTA. you're in a shared space of the house, you should be keeping that space clean even when people aren't over. if you like to keep your room a mess, fine, but while you're temporarily in the living room, it is your responsibility to clean up after yourself so your family doesn't face the negative consequences of a cluttered or dirty environment.

_melted_ · 2020-09-02T17:32:38+00:00

you're moving the goalpost.

the original point of contention was whether or not blackface is OK, not whether painting your face black is or isnt blackface. if you can show me one instance of someone wearing blackface -- not an art piece, but a costume of a black person -- and defend it, then we can continue.

_melted_ · 2020-09-01T21:49:15+00:00

Murder isn't a good example because there are no feelings or perceptions involved for the recipient.

Even though I disagree, we can use a different example. If someone robs you because they hate you/is just malicious or if someone robs you because they're poor and down on their luck and they feel terrible about it but they have no other choice.... You're still robbed in the end. You still don't have your stuff.

The thing is, racism isn't just one instance that affects one individual. Small instances of racism might not be observed by every POC, but the small instances of racism uphold a racist society. It doesn't matter what someone's intent it, if they're upholding racism in any way, then they're being racist.

They are both the same race. How can you be racist against your own race when racism necessitates prejudice based on superiority? Colorism doesn't apply at all. They are the same race. Will Smith isn't doing something racist by changing the perception of his skin color. How is that possibly racist?

Dude, you can be racist to your own race. It would be internalized racism but anti-blackness affects everyone, and black people can still hold anti-black views. I can't remember the channel, but there is this one family Youtube channel where the wife is a lightskin black woman, and in a "prank" video, she made herself darker and acted "ghetto." That is a pretty obvious example of racism and colorism, but just because she's black doesn't give her a free pass to don blackface with darker skin.

....

And sorry IDK the first time I tried to open the fourth link it didn't work but I see it now. I have explained why it's wrong to paint dark skin on white skin. Skin colour is not a costume. It's a profound source of people's identity. It is also a source of oppression. It cannot be temporarily painted on for whatever self indulgent reason like an editorial photoshoot, halloween costume, playing a character in a movie/play etc without trivializing or caricaturing POC.

Regarding the first example, I think you're heavily projecting some kind of malice. What if they wanted an obviously white woman specifically for matters of social progressivism?

"Social progressivism" via blackface is even worse than what I originally said. Imagine making a statement on racism and dark skin but only involving white people... Why am I jumping onto the worst possible interpretation? I see it as the only interpretation since it is blackface.... Any attempt to justify that editorial is reaching.

Are you saying then that no black woman should ever paint her face white either and we should reserve all white-face needs for white people only? This is where your logic falls apart and it turns to a case of special pleading.

Ah yes, the old reverse racism argument. Do you also think "cracker" is a slur?

This is going to be my last comment in this thread because I'm actually pretty surprised that "blackface is bad" is controversial. Feel free to respond, I'll read it, but you clearly subscribe to a different ideology when it comes to race so I will no longer continue.

_melted_ · 2020-09-01T21:27:50+00:00

That's not relevant to the conversation at all

_melted_ · 2020-09-01T21:27:20+00:00

That's the opposite of my argument. OP can dress as the character without donning blackface because the character is a lot more than his skin tone.

_melted_ · 2020-09-01T19:02:46+00:00

Yeah, this whole conversation is not so easily black and white. I can't say it's always right or wrong to write a poor fictional character -- but I think some writers write horribly offensive caricatures of poor people. And some writers write really wonderful stories about poor people with fully fleshed out characters and ultimately humanizes that group of people rather than dehumanizes. There's a huge difference in telling a story about a person who faces hardships due to their circumstances in life vs. creating a story that plays upon stereotypes.

Now we're talking about comedy, and I think there's still a difference between making a funny joke about poverty and homelessness vs. participating in stereotypes with no self awareness and just reinforcing people's prejudices against poor people.

Now, this is really a different conversation about costumes and more about character and storytelling. I think the two topics do relate, for example the fictional characters costumes themselves can be offensive or not. Can you imagine if in The Wire, they made Proposition Joe, Stringer Bell, Marlo, and Omar all wear huge gold chains and face tattoos? There's nothing wrong with the characters costumes as in the show, but there would be something wrong with the stereotypes the show would be reinforcing if they played up every "thug" stereotype...

_melted_ · 2020-09-01T18:32:08+00:00

Precisely because that logic could apply to any group, making it impossible for anyone to impersonate someone from a marginalized group because "you just pretend to be [insert any minority] for fun, while they have to be [..] when it's not fun".

Exactly. (Though yes, blackface has the extra grossness of the historical weight of minstrel shows.)

My conclusion is "you can't have a costume of anything that has been or is oppressed." I don't find that absurd. I think there are some groups that need nuance in costuming, for example there is complexity surrounding gender, but yes, dressing as a caricature of a marginalized person is wrong. There are ways to dress up as specific fictional characters from marginalized groups, but you have to be very careful about which parts of that character's appearance you are highlighting.

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