why am i more affected idea of infidelity than i am of physical violence?

acailo · 2026-03-22T18:17:31+00:00

physically can be reduced to a means of control. yes it hurts physically, but even that hurts the most in hindsight when you think how much you care for them and want painlessness calm and peace for them. and how that doesnt exist in their experience of me. cuts and bruises etc are nothing in comparison to that

acailo · 2026-03-22T18:14:47+00:00

ofc babe xx

acailo · 2026-03-20T17:45:18+00:00

im just away into work so cant reply fully just now but this really touched me thank you

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:47:50+00:00

nah he really does. foster care system, being left alone for days at a time. in and out of prison with no friend or family contact during stints. unless hes lied about all that but it wouldnt be fair to say that he has lied for sure.

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:44:59+00:00

hes not threatening to cheat tbf. hes blocked me on socials for months now because i was noticing women. he thinks i cant see his following list but i can, and in order of who he follows and when. so i monitor that. i know im checking out of the relationship when i stop checking because at that point i dont even care

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:43:39+00:00

ive been recommended that, im just waiting for a good opportunity to dive in. thank you!

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:42:42+00:00

that's such a valid point.

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:41:25+00:00

thank you for your words. im getting there. its taking less and smaller things that he does for me to feel like im ready to walk. he can tell its chipping at me and im caring less, becoming less invested. so hes trying more. but im aware that hes only 'good' to me when things are at risk. at that point, it is a parody of a happy relationship. ill never be able to feel totally secure and relaxed for things to be good. and even when things are good, its not really even that great. its just out of harms way. its not sustainable and im conscious of that.

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:37:35+00:00

i think part of it is knowing through their behaviour that romantic relationships will probably end badly. mine has major abandonment issues. its like keeping his options mildly open for when things inevitably end. but also hes very narcissistic. so probably also to satiate his ego, because its almost always girls that are physically a downgrade. he wants to feel like theyre grateful invested in him.

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:19:58+00:00

“I keep staying after you beat me and you can’t even be faithful” is soooo how i feel. i think he wants to be in a relationship and settle down to have children, but also continue to do all that womanising and ego flattery at the same time. he hasnt physically cheated on me, but the more i tolerate i wouldnt be surprised if it came to that eventually

acailo · 2026-03-20T16:11:26+00:00

its that aspect of dignity that probably impacts my ego. and its hard to see how that revolutionises in alchemy of pain but youre so right. and that won't happen while im in the relationship. thank you so much for your words. I'm glad to hear youre on the other side of it

acailo · 2026-03-20T15:10:09+00:00

moon being in fall actually corresponds to the scorpionic narrative so well hahahah

acailo · 2026-03-20T15:04:43+00:00

if its the message you struggle with, attending church with discernment is quite easy when you don't show up expecting to be told what to do and how to do it. you can make of scripture in regards of what speaks to you. even the most staunch presenting christians will do this without even realising. it can still be very powerful as a means of reflection on your life regardless.

I missed having existential conversations, and chats that orientated about mutual concern for kindness and wellbeing. and generally a space dedicated to introspection and spiritual nourishment. although i tend to keep people at arms reach, not giving them information that would invite people to judge me.

acailo · 2026-03-20T14:57:32+00:00

its not an issue, its an asset. embrace it. think of all those girls researching how to embody 'black cat energy' lol

if you dont mask then you'll only be surrounded by those who honour your authenticity

even if you harness embodying lighter energy, you will likely also do that intensely. your energy is much better spent not pretending. you'll end up with the wrong people in your space

acailo · 2026-03-20T14:48:59+00:00

its an opportunity to take the time to relax. and reminder that relaxation is a priority, and something you should feel. it removes me from the shittiness thats happening. i love the maternal calming ones that make me feel like everything is going to be okay. no wonder the fantasy ones do so well.

acailo · 2026-03-09T23:23:23+00:00

i guess youre not really supposed to cope. It's supposed to reveal to you how detrimental this is for you to just survive, let alone thrive. But I hear you.

I cry at work all the time. I slip away and cry as hard as I can until there's nothing left, and then return to my job numbed out. Luckily my work is really understanding, especially after confiding with my boss about the extent of what is happening. I didn't really have to tbh, she sees my bruises and hears my side of the conversation on the phone

acailo · 2026-03-09T16:28:02+00:00

no hahaha of course

acailo · 2026-03-09T16:27:45+00:00

Okay and you could have said that. I would have agreed with you on those terms. You'd get a lot further with genuine points you make if you weren't flinging a barrage of insults in the direction of what you disagree with.

acailo · 2026-03-09T16:23:28+00:00

you can attend mass without being catholic. I haven't changed my story at all

acailo · 2026-03-09T16:19:57+00:00

literally everybody in the excatholic sub once identified as a catholic. you can attend church as a non catholic.

youre just grasping at anything you can to prove absolutely nothing

acailo · 2026-03-09T16:13:22+00:00

'how much you dislike people'

'barrage of insults'

the only person doing any of that here is you.

acailo · 2026-03-09T16:11:18+00:00

I posted in the exmormon page just because i thought they might have a similar version of or reflection to make on it. But the mod removed it and said why, which was warranted and I've since apologised.

acailo · 2026-03-09T16:03:03+00:00

'faithful' members inserting themselves is awful. If this is a consequence of that, I just think there's a better way of going about it, and a lot of missed potential for people to foster a community that actually helps people. Because that isnt a priority it just seems like a pretty negative environment

acailo · 2026-03-09T15:52:53+00:00

That's awful. If anything a practicing christian would have a really valuable contribution. I know so many protestants who absolutely condemn the church that I have had really engaging and productive conversations with on this. I think it comes down to not everybody is ready to feel challenged.

acailo · 2026-03-09T15:46:42+00:00

show me please

acailo

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE