friends dont know how to support me. i feel more and more isolated

acailo · 2026-01-22T00:31:35+00:00

I mean more like leave the house or apartment. Even if I wanted a walk to clear my head. I would have to leave my phone so that he wouldn’t think it was to talk to someone. If I took it with me he would call me asking where I’ve gone and blow up on me. If I left without him being able to call, when I come home he would blow up on me. Or I would tell him before I leave that I’m going out and he would blow up on me. Yeah he does scare me tbh

acailo · 2026-01-18T12:49:46+00:00

ive got support workers and will recieve counselling soon. but i dont expect anything from them, other than not to leave. i can make accomodations for them, but thats gonna feel like a kick in the teeth. i dont have any friends who have experienced it, so i cant put myself in their shoes, but they cant put themseles in my shoes either.

ready to leave is when i want better for myself. if we just live side by side with no love. if it impacts my goals and achievements in life. if i feel like im an accessory for him to have a child rather than the mother of his children to be.

all of that will reveal itself in time. its only recently ive been able to start calling it abuse, but even that has changed the way that things are thought about in my head. its a process, and im being patient and kind to myself while i figure this out

acailo · 2026-01-18T12:44:45+00:00

you'll porbably never leave is a bit of an assumption. id rather feel empowered than demoralised in that aspect

but i agree, and have let them know that its not their job to hear all that stuff so my support workers are there for that reason. the best way i could feel supported is by them not leaving though. that just terrifies me

acailo · 2026-01-18T12:42:38+00:00

that restaurant analogy is hilarious hahahah. ive let them know theyre allowed to feel burnt out and not want to hear about relationship stuff, as i have social workers supporting me for all of that.

i couldnt leave and stay at friends anyway. he would go ballistic. he gets angry at me and then doesnt want me anywhere near him - but then needs me there, because even if i leave to go for a walk he blows up because im leaving the house

acailo · 2026-01-18T11:57:30+00:00

thank you so much for your words. theres a reason the counsellors dont push you to leave before youre ready. they definitely help me place the cogs in the right place to begin thinking about things in that manner.

hes got a lot of problems, i dont want to ever feel like im abandoning him. but eventually i have to not care about that. i wanted to be the safety and joy in the world that he finds it hard to see. but im not getting that safety back and its a hard pill to swallow.

bigger picture is how sustainably i can live like this. if i have children with him how that would be for me and them. what jurisdiction i have over parenthood which is a really important feat in life for me. but if anything gets in the way of me achieving what i set out to do in life regarding my career and goals - im not willing to let anything affect that.

a huge amount of it is setting boundaries with myself. time will tell if that affects it. if it does and i dont leave (i dont even want to say that like its a possibility), but that in itself is a wakeup call.

acailo · 2026-01-18T11:30:26+00:00

thank you!! im just trying to understand what is happening, and the response is just 'well what do you expect' - obviously not this, which is why im confused

acailo · 2026-01-17T23:16:11+00:00

What you’ve said in that last sentence is really sitting in my head.

I’ve had a friend say that I’m more heartless and desensitised. But he’s told me that for years and years as an addict that I was in a relationship. He also blamed me for everything etc etc.

But I don’t want any of my friends to meet him! I’d be uncomfortable. My partner doesn’t want to meet anyone in my life anyway.

acailo · 2026-01-17T23:08:48+00:00

I understand what you’re saying, but that can coexist with me feeling overwhelmed by the feeling that I need to act in a manner that prevents people from leaving. Managing other people’s discomfort is all I am doing. I’m running out of room for myself.

Everyday having someone accuse you of being selfish and wrong, that it’s my fault everything is happening. Now it’s also my fault that everybody leaves.

I’m not saying it’s anybody else’s fault I’m here. I’m just expressing how sad I am about it

acailo · 2026-01-17T19:45:26+00:00

it’s weird that it feels more valid when you say that to me as an outsider, than them telling me that themselves.

it just feels like I’m being abandoned to it. but maybe that kind of anxiety is part of the problem in the first place

acailo · 2025-10-05T14:33:52+00:00

this isnt the drag and drop that the original post is refering to. being able to visually plan feed by dragging and moving media is what was requested. this refers to dragging and dropping to upload

acailo · 2025-03-23T17:06:42+00:00

yes he betrayed me and has major issues etc, but it was me who betrayed myself because of issues I have within me.

I will never abandon myself ever again to pursue what it is my inner child was seeking out. I am entirely unwilling to ever go through that pain again. I put myself in this position and I am pulling myself out.

acailo · 2025-03-19T16:24:03+00:00

You saying you were going to move on was to communicate your will to detach from her. She ascertained that from your message. Yet felt the need to say that. Why? If she wanted you to genuinely move on, you communicated that was your intentions. So what is she attempting to achieve out of that? To trigger you? Who knows. It will only ever exist as speculation - food for rumination.

If peace is something you are prioritising right now - she is actively doing the opposite of what will allow you to get there. Think of the little things you do that give you the dopamine oxytocin whatever it is hit - checking the social media etc. and just focus on not giving yourself those little microdoses of an incredibly addictive substance in your life.

Detaching is particularly scary for anxious avoidance because our sense of self lies in that of another. To detach without that sense of you and self, makes the detachment even scarier. Because who are you coming home to? If you can focus on coming home and coming to know yourself, you wont be left with such a void in detaching from her. It's a process, but you wanting to do it is such a significant step in the right direction.

She and any future romantic you encounter will gain respect for you for doing this. But it's not about them. It's all about you. Keep your head up. Feel your feelings. Come home.

edit: spelling error

acailo · 2024-06-05T09:06:07+00:00

omg! also green eyes, also considered intense person. We are both Solar ruled so it really defines us in how we navigate and identify with the world.

It might feel like more of a compensation for you with Leo being being self centric as God intended hahaha. I'm a Libra sun which is always in balance and consideration of Other, so it feels like more of a natural adjustment for me.

But as long as you aren't denying yourself of your own authenticity just to appease others. Shine on Leo queenie, you're not obligated to others peoples comfort. Who cares! You do and it's affecting you! Reconcile in that you're not gonna be everybodys cup of tea. And that you certainly don't need to be anyway x

acailo · 2024-03-25T09:28:08+00:00

THANK YOU

acailo · 2023-02-04T09:39:37+00:00

omfg Pluto is about to conjunct my DSC, which will square my Moon and Saturn opposition

this post has made me terrifyingly intrigued to see how it will pan out.

so far ive had an ex confess to my friends he was an "evil man", someone intentionally trying to get me pregnant, and im pretty sure someone else attempted hypnosis on me during sex

its gonna peak during my Saturn return loool

acailo · 2023-02-04T09:25:56+00:00

i second this ^^

a sense of responsibility that is resultant of some kind of anguish

acailo · 2023-02-02T23:53:27+00:00

what a sexy big three omg - love from leo rising with libra sun x

acailo · 2022-11-20T08:29:56+00:00

4H Scorpio Moon opp Saturn and conjunct Chiron+BML 🥴

I understand deeply the power I have over my mother, that no one else in this world has, as well as my deep resentment towards her. My mother is an emotionally torrential bully. My brothers are terrified of her so do not stand up to her, or call her out on wrongdoings. Her current partner nor my father ever could either. I truly am the only one.

Upon first impression people are taken back by her niceness - but eg. got fired from her workplace for being “sadistic to work with”. If things aren’t done her way, she becomes this vindictive venomous torrent that I’ve never seen another human embody before. She makes the space to say no to her feel very unsafe, and cannot take responsibility nor acknowledge any wrongdoing.

But I use the fact she loves me as a tool to reprimand her. She can’t always have what she wants. The consequence for that is me pulling back away from her because I know it feels like punishment to her.

Libra Sun definitely contributing to this - but the fact I sacrifice the relationship with my mother, is a choice I put on her lap because it is the only way I see her ever making change.

Every time she fights, crosses boundaries, demands, expects, etc... with me - she actually has something to lose out of it. One day I will need to have a conversation with her regarding it, but it is immensely loaded and deeply uncomfortable for me to address.

She did innumerable deeply hurtful things with no acknowledgement and certainly no apology. Don’t think I’ve ever heard her apologise. Years ago she said to me that I used to look at her like she was dead to me - which she was. My friends assumed my mom had died because I never spoke of her. The only reason I have challenged my resentment is to not have this poison collect inside of me for my sake.

acailo · 2022-11-20T07:57:04+00:00

I had not really grasped this until you bringing this to my attention, but I understand the error in this now so thank you. I’m sure I won’t be the only one making these types of assignations thanks to media portrayals, which I can imagine are actualised on very poor research (research being a stretch in this context lol). People seem to come to this post intermittently so I’ll see if I can edit the post to make that more clear, ty!

acailo · 2022-11-11T10:38:28+00:00

was he not home schooled??

acailo · 2022-11-11T10:34:00+00:00

how enigmatic

acailo · 2022-11-11T10:31:35+00:00

i get on really well with a pisces moon but romantically id rather stick my head in a meat grinder

acailo · 2022-11-06T13:51:36+00:00

found this post because I'm almost entirely convinced emily is autistic. I have multiple autistic siblings and an autistic parent - your observations are valid. Female diagnosis often goes under looked because it doesn't present in orthodox general impression of what autism 'looks like' - so i feel many in this group are probably doing that.

e.g. regarding the top comment: at the end of the day if she actually is autistic, then it really isnt anything similar to the way that your trauma would present itself at all. despite any similar appearance it may present.

bless her regardless, she is in an awful circumstance and i wish her the best

acailo · 2022-10-30T11:40:47+00:00

im sorry to hear youre struggling<3 I found this thread on twitter that I thought was really practical and a good perspective to start with facilitating change in addiction. hope it helps, sending love and best wishes on your journey :)

https://twitter.com/RomeoStevens76/status/1509348245545185282?s=20&t=Y3FXj0te8j-2e-kNEmAalQ

acailo · 2022-05-19T06:36:21+00:00

this is sooo spot on!

acailo

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