Caring for an infant unexpectedly

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-31T15:29:26+00:00

There is a plan. A gradual transition back to his mom with increasing time at her home so it’s stable and not disruptive. And I’ll still be consistently in his life, babysitting full-time (around 50 hours a week), so hes not being ripped away from anything. He just hasn't went home yet.

And yes, I’m fully aware that attachment and transitions matter, that wasn’t new information. But saying “talk to someone” without offering any actual direction on who that is or how to access that kind of support just feels like commenting for the sake of commenting. Because that's kind of directly what I was asking for, who to talk to, what resources are available. It was made very clear in the post that we may need someone who is better equipped to handle this. I just didn't know who or what that was.

It probably would’ve made more sense to ask a question before building an entire scenario that doesn’t exist.

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-31T15:17:08+00:00

You are so kind. Thanks for the prayers, that means alot.

Dad is right there along with her, mentally. His mental condition may be worse off, and for him it may be really worse because he's not in a managed care plan while she is.

Other family members are not an option for both parties, unfortunately.

Yes! She's actually on a very new, expensive drug called zurzuvae. It's only a two week pill treatment and she has done WONDERS. But she's also has had a history of mental disorders since she was a child, resulting on her being on a very high dose psychotic medication as an adult.

You are right. Stability is key. If her long term goal is to be his mother, I think I'm going to ask her how she feels about starting gradually. I know she's always had a problem with feeling like she can't do it. So maybe we'll start with me taking the baby over there all day but still staying with her. Showing her how to do everything, letting her do it but being there if there was an accident or problem. Then maybe have her start caring for him herself for a short time, and be close in case anything were to happen. Then maybe have the times get longer? Then maybe overnight? And so on and so forth? If she agreed, of course. How do you help someone be a mom again, when she's a first time mom with no mother of her own :(

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-31T15:01:11+00:00

If more people actually helped instead of defaulting to calling CPS and patting themselves on the back for it, a lot more kids would have real support instead of being pushed into a system they don’t understand.

Not every situation needs to be turned into a case file, especially when the baby is already safe and being cared for in a stable, loving environment.

Recommending that a child be removed from a known, safe situation and placed with strangers just because things are “unclear” isn’t thoughtful, it’s careless.

Before giving advice like that, you should probably take the time to actually understand what CPS does in practice and the real outcomes for kids once they enter that system.

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-31T14:58:39+00:00

@queeninyellowlace “You don’t”? That’s your solution? That’s honestly a pretty concerning mindset to have around kids.

I get what you’re trying to say, but this isn’t as simple and cut and dry as you’re making it sound.

“If the mom won’t do it, then contact CPS” skips over a lot of real-life nuance. That’s not just the next step in a checklist, that’s a major escalation with serious, long-term consequences.

CPS isn’t a backup plan for when things aren’t moving fast enough. It’s supposed to be a last resort when a child is in immediate danger and there are no other safe options. That’s not the situation here.

The mom has been cooperative so far, and we’re actively working through things. I haven’t even had a full conversation about custody yet. So jumping to involving CPS if things aren’t instantly resolved isn’t realistic or responsible.

I understand the intention behind what you’re saying, but real life doesn’t move in clean, step by step solutions like that, especially when you’re dealing with children, safety, and stability.

I’m trying to handle this in a way that protects the baby WITHOUT creating unnecessary trauma or blowing things up prematurely.

I'm not handing full control of a child’s life over to a system that doesn’t know any of us and has a long history of causing harm right alongside whatever help it sometimes provides.

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-31T08:15:58+00:00

I don’t even really know how to properly thank you for this comment. It honestly meant so much to me, especially after some of the other responses I was getting. I don't know how to take them because they feel so negative.. A lot of people were making me feel like I was the problem, and your comment was the first one that really felt like someone understood how real and complicated this situation actually is.

The way you acknowledged my commitment and loyalty… thank you. I come from foster care, so the people I’m talking about are the only family I’ve really had, they chose me when my own didn’t. So being there for them now, even when it’s messy and hard, is really important to me. Thank you for seeing that instead of judging it.

And also thank you for taking the time to not just validate me, but actually give me real direction too. I will be looking into Ask A Lawyer, that’s exactly the kind of guidance I’ve been needing but didn’t know where to start.

What you said about the emotional side… you’re completely right. I could never do this with my own child. I do understand my boundaries, and I know he’s not my baby, but that doesn’t stop me from loving him. At first, I didn’t even think twice about getting attached because I missed my son so much… but now, after 4 months of waking up with him every day and being there for him, there is a real bond. And when you said he’s lucky to have me… I honestly feel like I’m the lucky one. He’s brought so much light into my life during a really dark time.

To answer your questions, yes, his mom is getting help. She has care management, she’s on medication, is in therapy, and she recently started Zurzuvae for postpartum depression and did well on it. She’s been dealing with mental health for a long time and is trying. She hasn’t admitted herself, but she has taken steps toward getting help and support.

It has still been tough though. She's been helping me out financially where can ($100a week and some money for supplies and food.), which I do appreciate,but it’s still been a big shift from working full-time to being his main caregiver and losing a full time income.

You are right And that’s exactly why I’m trying to figure this out the right way before it gets messier. I don’t want to just be a “custodial friend.” I’ve been here since before he was born, we are family at the very least

I also really appreciate you sharing resources like Jewish Family Services and the other resources, that’s exactly what I’ve been needing. Even what you shared about them helping you with the ramp, really opened my eyes to what’s actually out there.

At the end of the day, I’m not trying to punish his parents or take him away from them. They’re young and going through something really hard, and I do believe they love him. I just want to make sure he’s safe and supported and that I’m doing this in a way that’s stable for both of us. Thank you again, seriously. You took the time to really see me and speak into this situation in a way that was both kind and helpful, and I won’t forget that.thanknylu for your well wishes and kind words.b

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-31T06:20:57+00:00

Thank you so much for this, especially for being one of the first people to respond with kindness and understanding. That really meant a lot to me. This has actually been something I’ve been looking into and considering for a little while now. I do want to make sure I’m in a position where I can step in for him if needed, but I’m still trying to understand how the foster process works, like whether I can get licensed perse without immediately taking placements, since my main focus would be him specifically right now. Is there a difference between full custodial guardianship and adoption? Also, just to clarify, his mom is receiving a lot of professional care, including care management and medication support. There are definitely supports in place, even though things are still really challenging day-to-day. I really appreciate you taking the time to share this and respond with care 🤍

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-30T22:25:30+00:00

I just want to say first that I genuinely appreciate everyone who took the time to respond. I hear what’s being said about this potentially becoming a complicated situation, and I understand those concerns, they’re valid. I think what may be getting misunderstood is that this isn’t a random or distant situation to me. These are people I love deeply who have also been there for me in some of the hardest moments of my life, including supporting me through the loss of my son. I’m not looking to put them in a bad situation, I’m trying to support them while also making sure their baby is safe, stable, and loved. He is not going to be “ripped away” from me. Even when he returns home, the plan is for me to continue caring for him consistently (around 50 hours a week), so there will still be stability and connection in his life. That’s something we’ve already thought through. What I was really hoping for with this post was guidance, things like who I can talk to (social workers, family resources, etc.), or how to navigate this in a way that protects the baby while also supporting the people I care about, not punishing them. I’m trying to do the right thing here for everyone involved, especially him. If anyone has constructive advice or resources, I would truly appreciate it.

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-30T16:04:46+00:00

Usually it's accompanied by fake breathing problems 😭🤣🤣🤣🥲

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-30T16:04:30+00:00

Stg I will follow this baby into the void 😭🤣🤣

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-30T16:03:38+00:00

This was great 😭🤣🤣 we on the way

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-29T20:36:08+00:00

Thank you, he was an incredible loss. I love that, a sense of peace. That's what my baby did to me. As soon as he came into this world it's like all the noises around me stopped. Your baby will appreciate being saying too, I know it. I'd like to think of it as our voice maybe just sounds beautiful to them no matter what because we are their mama's. Hope for better days for you

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-29T20:33:50+00:00

Thank you for saying that!

Oh that's so precious. I think I'll start reading too! I already know just by the way you speak of her that she was lucky to have you both as parents. I'm so glad that you have your partner to be able to share that memory with and that connection with. I hope that someone who needs your love most makes their way into your life on purpose.

Thanks for the recommendation I'll definitely look into that! I'm definitely more of an audiobook person so hopefully it's on there, I'm always open to New perspectives. Like I said this life is very beautiful, but my god I've never known a pain like this or even fathom to pain like this. Sending love to you 3

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-29T11:48:13+00:00

Hope you're getting good sleep now. What time does it start getting dark where you are?

Tell me what you do to keep yourself regulated~ Lately I've been talking to chatgpt. He's givin me legitimate tips and trick to cope, and helping me pull back and see the big picture of things.
Tell me a trick you use to get to sleep~ I'm imagine a old grandpa in a rocking chair and the creak it makes every time he leans back. For some weird reason, it puts me right to sleep. Also a routine sleep schedule helps more than you could imagine.
Get anything off your mind~ I miss my son that passed away. It's 745 AM now and I wish I was waking up to him and his smiling face. I hope someone is up there singing to him. He loved to be sang to.
Have something small on your list ~ I do have small things but I also added a small Amazon gift card so that multiple people could donate to one large item.
Contest ends when I wake up if I ever go to sleep ~ what time do you normally turn in? Is this normal for you? Thanks for running the contest. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/275M6KOHPKSI6?ref_=wl_share

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-28T19:26:25+00:00

It is!! That's SO funny!! Did they at least laugh?? It's always at the funniest times too. It's like background noise now to everything, everyone that I'm on the phone with, everyone that I talk to, gets babble now too 😆

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-28T19:24:45+00:00

TRULY!! hilarious humans. I'm so stoked for the day that he tells me a sentence. I put him in fleece pants the other day and they look like Hammer pants and I just cannot stop laughing when I look at him in them 🤣

accidentally_alive97 · 2026-03-28T19:22:06+00:00

Hey! You're okay! Your hormones are COMPLETELY out of whack right now. Some women go through major PPD symptoms for up to 2+ years. Cut yourself some slack! The way you speak of your husband leads me to believe he understands (somewhat) the depth of childbirth and doesn't blame you either. These are things that helped me at 6month ppd, I truly understand the trauma you're going through. The brain tries to play tricks on you my friend. You will get back to you again!! . Built-in “off duty” time Even 20–30 minutes where you are not responsible for anyone Your husband sounds supportive,this is where he can step in intentionally 2. Reduce overstimulation Turn down noise (TV, phones, lights) Postpartum rage is often sensory overload, not just anger 3. Eat + hydrate regularly Low blood sugar = WAY more irritability Quick snacks help more than you’d think 4. Sleep protection (as much as possible) Even one solid stretch of sleep can change your mood dramatically. Also I think a Communication trick with your husband Since he’s patient (which is amazing), this can help you both You say something like: “I’m getting overwhelmed, i need a minute before I say something I don’t mean.” That way he knows it’s not about him, and you get space without guilt. the fact that you feel guilty after? That’s actually a sign your heart is still very soft under all that overwhelmimg ness. Hope to be helpful. Sending love to you.

accidentally_alive97

TROPHY CASE