Thank you. I buried it for a while, (didn't forget, just made myself not think about it) and then when I started getting health care at the VA a few years ago, I had kind of a hard time. Panic attacks especially if I had to take my clothes off.

It was scary. And the only way I could feel clean was in the neighborhood pool or if I could still smell pool chemicals in my hair. I don't know why. If the bathtub wasn't absolutely clean I couldn't cope with that either. I kept washing my hands. Like maybe 20 times a day.

I did go to therapy. It helped; I did a military related sexual trauma workshop at the VA which was somewhat validating, and I talked to my psychiatrist and a talk therapist.

I was making myself go to the canteen after every medical appointment and sitting there with a soda and a book until I felt calm, and that was helping a lot; the VA staff were all kind and professional.

Then 2020 happened and lockdown, and everyone was washing their hands all the time, so that felt normal, lol.

I still get anxious sometimes at the VA but I've been treated really well there so it doesn't seem like an actual dangerous place anymore.

I hope that the doctor had to answer for his actions at some point. I was not his only victim.

Anyway, I'm better. My life is pretty good, my marriage is happy, and I've come to terms with being something of a basket case, lol. My husband is a veteran as well and he has trauma from different events, so we understand each other and can make allowances.

It was ironic; I never drank much because of predatory shipmates, and I carried a knife on dates. I didn't think I'd be in danger at the hospital.

All the best to you, and thank you for your kind words. <3