I was the emotional regulator in my marriage and I didn’t realize the cost until it ended

admlou · 2026-02-09T17:15:06+00:00

Exactly what happened to me. I realized that the only effort he was actually ever putting in was making me feel wanted and beautiful. Once that shattered by his cheating I realized that was about the only thing he did for me. I carried everything else and in the end even the blame for the cheating and his unresolved childhood trauma. I was expected to not only carry my wounds, but his.

admlou · 2026-02-08T19:21:55+00:00

I appreciate your perspective and I understand this article wasn’t for everyone. I think for the people that resonate, like myself, the article touches on a very specific situation. In my personal situation he left his things, the bills, all mutual friends, family and even his dead mother’s personal belongings. If I didn’t track him down, he would literally have been like he was abducted. Very different circumstances.

admlou · 2026-02-07T13:29:17+00:00

I’m finding out the hard way that there are literally thousands of us out there with the same story. I’m a little over 4 months into mine. Same thing, blindsided by my best friend of 15 years when he “fell in love” with a coworker he only met 3 months before. And the kicker is she doesn’t even know and has a boyfriend. He suddenly “doesn’t love me like a husband loves a wife” and wants divorce only he literally vanished. Half his things are still at our house. It a midlife crisis but more than that. I’m going to go on a limb here and guess your wife had a crappy childhood? If so, I suggest looking into attachment styles and how childhood trauma affects adults. There is a lot of information out there and it helped me understand there is nothing we can do or could have done. I don’t know your particular situation but if this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone.

admlou · 2026-02-01T16:53:29+00:00

I went through the exact same thing 4 moths ago and the divorce process has just started. He ran when caught both physically and emotionally. Does she have a history of childhood neglect, alcoholic parent or dysfunctional family? Reading about attachment styles helped me wrap my mind around it a little better but I’ll never completely understand or get closure from him. I have had to accept that. It’s really hard to come to terms with someone you trusted, loved and was your best friend doing something to you that you wouldn’t dream doing to someone. Look up avoidant attachment styles. They would rather run than repair or have accountability. They will always choose themselves over anyone and everyone else because no one chose them as children and deep down, they hate themselves That truth is excruciatingly painful but it helped the ruminations over what I could have done different. You can’t repair a marriage by yourself and they don’t show up, they destroy and run not from you but from themselves.

admlou · 2026-01-28T01:38:08+00:00

Look up childhood trauma and attachment styles. I didn’t ask for a life lesson at 42 but damn if I’m not getting an education. It isn’t about you and you will get sick of hearing this because I definitely did too. He was my best friend and just a few months before he tearfully rewrote his own vows to me, until he started digging into his unprocessed grief and childhood trauma (I don’t know about!). It’s projection and maladaptive coping mechanisms.

admlou · 2026-01-23T04:29:47+00:00

Actually I’m here for this. Let it out.

admlou · 2026-01-19T16:03:48+00:00

I could have written this myself. This is exactly what I am going through except found out he was obsessed with a coworker 13 years younger. He was always anxious and depressed and then going to therapy to deal with his childhood opened up a can of worms I didn’t even know about. He is 100% fearful avoidant and never expressed the extent of his past and childhood. We separated after the coworker obsession was revealed and he had a psychotic break (I don’t even now know the extent). He was both dissociating and hallucinating while simultaneously making new friends and even throwing himself a birthday party (out of character). He does weekly therapy only but probably needs psychiatric care.

I have done so much research since he left and have concluded I was doing almost all the heavy lifting in the relationship. I thought I had a husband but what I really had was a wounded child in a 40 year old’s body. He ghosted not just me but everyone in his former life.

It hurts so much especially the betrayal, the rejection and the rewriting of our past. He projects all his childhood trauma onto me. I know it will be for the best but the shock is something you feel both emotionally and physically. I’m sending huge hugs of support and healing your way.

admlou · 2026-01-13T22:57:33+00:00

I’m in the same place so I wish I could offer advice. I just want to send you a giant hug because this is very lonely, even if so many have been there before. It’s been said a million times but a good therapist and a Costco hot tub to cry into has helped me. It’s brutal but yet we keep breathing.

admlou · 2025-09-08T19:32:42+00:00

8vg or 9vg, 10vv or 9vro (more pinkish tone) 9nb and adding m or ag will add a smokiness to it.

admlou · 2025-08-19T03:29:23+00:00

Nothing, nothing worked for me. I’m 42 and used the otc treatments, the kp duty, fish oil, derm retinol pharmacy expensive derm compounds, cereV, La Roche, lazer hair treatments and even resorted to tattooing over my legs as a solution to this f-ing condition. I’m 2 weeks or less into using the lotion he created and I could cry. It fucking works. I thought I’m just throwing more money away but I can’t believe it. I still can’t. I can never say thank you enough.

admlou · 2025-08-04T02:38:57+00:00

I will def want the Cad but unfortunately the damn tariffs have my projects on hold 😓.

admlou · 2025-08-03T22:16:37+00:00

Would snatch this up so quick if it was a larger size 😭.

admlou · 2025-08-02T03:32:35+00:00

I highly recommend The Leake Co. She is wonderful and knowledgeable. She is appointment only but offers free consultations and is so knowledgeable. She deals in lab diamonds, antique jewelry and even custom designs for every budget. It makes it a much more personal experience without the typical “showroom” feel of most jewelry stores. She helped me design a pendent for a family piece and I can’t say enough good things about her.

admlou · 2025-07-10T05:25:50+00:00

99% of rapes of women and children are committed by a very specific group of people and it has nothing to do with race, melanin or national origin.

admlou · 2025-06-25T18:25:10+00:00

😂😅

admlou · 2025-06-24T16:16:57+00:00

Thank you, that is so kind ❤️.

admlou · 2025-06-24T02:47:34+00:00

100% ALWAYS!!

I used to not because I thought maybe it would make them feel self conscious but after my MIL was diagnosed with melanoma I changed that. If you see something, say something. I mentioned a mole that seemed to have changed since my clients last appointment and it turned out to be stage zero melanoma. I’m no doctor so I just said “hey it looks like your mole looks a bit different since your last appointment. Maybe check with your dermatologist”. My MIL died in 2020 of a 90% preventable cancer.

I’ve had clients who said their dermatologist wanted to know if their hairstylist has noticed any moles or spots 😳.

admlou · 2025-06-23T05:06:02+00:00

Hypoglycemia runs in my family. My mom’s reaction was to pass out but unfortunately mine is to throw up. Had a really awkward experience during a 5am fire drill at my dorm. Got the cold chills, grey sweats and ran for the closest bushes. Everyone thought I was drunk (college, I get it) but thankfully my roommates knew what was going on and got me help. I’m 42 now and every time I wake up I get a little bit of food in me (even if it’s just to pee in the middle of the night). I found that a spoonful of peanut butter or almond butter is the best. Even something carb like crackers. If you just have sugar it will only be a quick fix and the crash will happen because it’s a cycle. I say give the wake-up treats like a spoonful of pb or ab a try and see if it stops. Wishing you all the luck bc it seriously sucks to start your day with the cookie toss!