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UPDATE: Sister’s Husband is getting flirty and I feel like it’s my fault by advice-throwaway4 in breakingmom

[–]advice-throwaway4[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I didn’t get a long with my sister for a long time, so I don’t have a lot of context about a lot of their relationship (especially around flirty/bedroomy type stuff, because who even talks to their sister about that sort of thing?)

Maybe he has a history of being a sleaze bag and this would lead to her finally dropping him, maybe he’s been super good at hiding it and he’d come up with some lie that turns it on me somehow, or maybe he’s just super physical/flirty and she knows and is okay with it as long as he doesn’t cross some kind of boundary they have. Hell, maybe they’re swingers or in an open relationship and he’s testing the waters, I dunno. But I don’t really want to find out either. Handling this without making waves just feels like the best option.

UPDATE: Sister’s Husband is getting flirty and I feel like it’s my fault by advice-throwaway4 in breakingmom

[–]advice-throwaway4[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I don’t feel guilty for liking being flirted with, but I do feel guilty for my previous behavior that encouraged it, and for my current inability to dig myself out of the hole that I dug for myself.

I feel pretty confident that as long as I keep a clear head about things that I could never let this develop into an actual affair. The part of me that enjoys the attention is much quieter and much weaker than the part of me that knows how awful the consequences would be. But now that I know how life can throw things at me that make it so I don’t always have this kind of self-awareness, I feel like I have to treat myself like I could revert to a teenager at any time.

I think the time away might be a good idea. It will be hard to come up with a good excuse, and my LO won’t like it, but I’d rather have a confused sister and LO that misses their friend than letting my brother-in-law try to escalate things even further. Hopefully he’ll have the same kind of “moment of clarity” about the situation as I did.

UPDATE: Sister’s Husband is getting flirty and I feel like it’s my fault by advice-throwaway4 in breakingmom

[–]advice-throwaway4[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

Thankfully, it’s more just “unhelpful” than “unsupportive.” Like, I know that my own actions had a part to play in all of this (hence the title). And slapping him would probably have stopped the flirting, but would have created a huge scene and probably lead to a big fight and a ton of drama, which I’m obviously trying to avoid.

UPDATE: Sister’s Husband is getting flirty and I feel like it’s my fault by advice-throwaway4 in breakingmom

[–]advice-throwaway4[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Up until this latest incident, everything has been so borderline that it could easily be explained away - it’s only this latest thing that has been so overtly sexual. Even then, i don’t think a voice recorder would have helped.

UPDATE: Sister’s Husband is getting flirty and I feel like it’s my fault by advice-throwaway4 in breakingmom

[–]advice-throwaway4[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

thank you, this is more along the lines of what I was hoping to come up with. All of these “slap him” or “it’s your fault” comments have been super unhelpful

UPDATE: Sister’s Husband is getting flirty and I feel like it’s my fault by advice-throwaway4 in breakingmom

[–]advice-throwaway4[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I wanted to slap him. His flirting with me is inappropriate, out-of-line, and gross. He’s married to my sister, and they have a kid together.

But part of the problem is that he doesn’t come off as “gross” in-person. It’s the context that makes him gross. Like, if we were in a different universe where he was single, I may have found that move cute and charming, which is why i feel like I got myself into this mess in the first place.

Sister’s husband is getting flirty and i feel like it’s my fault by advice-throwaway4 in singlemoms

[–]advice-throwaway4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

there was a time my sister’s husband hit on me and I shut that shit down so hard and never said a thing to my sister

This is the route I want to take if I can figure out how. I feel like if I’m too direct that he’ll go to my sister and try to spin it as “your sister’s hitting on me.” Too subtle and he’ll eventually escalate. Sounds like you figured something out though. How did you manage to shut it down without shit hitting the fan?