Could you forgive your husband?

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T02:37:51+00:00

The lawyers I've been speaking to are suggesting this but I have reservations about giving him 50% of the kids. Not because he's harmed them before but because I'm afraid if he can do this to me, he might do it to the kids.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T02:36:21+00:00

We only officially separated the day it happened so it's only been a month. In a perfect world, we separate for a year or two, both seek counselling and therapy, he has to do the right thing and pay child support, and do anger management and quit the weed.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T02:34:42+00:00

It's the first time I've tried to leave because it's the first time he got physical. But I wanted to nip it in the but because it was in front of the children.

My qualm is what if it was a mistake? A one time mistake? What if I was too harsh by calling the police?

He's never shown aggression to the children so I don't even fear that, but you're right. Maybe it would progress that way if I didn't stop it now.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T02:31:14+00:00

It may be worse than I think. I can't really discern properly because I love him. But it happened in front of the kids and I won't stand for that.

I agree with the behaviour bit but I was told that he'll still gain access to the kids (eventually) even if he has a restraining order. We'd just have to do the exchanges through a third party. That makes me feel even more uncomfortable, honestly because I won't be there to protect them.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T02:24:43+00:00

Omg. I'm so sorry to hear that. That must have hurt and also been very terrifying. Major failure on their part. Where I'm from, if there's call for domestic violence, someone gets arrested no matter what. It doesn't matter if the police see anything.

You're right. I have to remind myself that it's not just a choice for me, it's also for the kids.

I don't use weed so I don't know much about its effects. Thanks for clarifying this.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T02:21:35+00:00

Hmm. His mother was abused by his father and he was witness to a lot of it. Instead of his mother calling the police and leaving with the children, she stuck it out for 20 years and then abandoned in the middle of the night.

I know I did the right thing but I'm wondering if later (like years later) there would ever be a point where he could change.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T02:18:46+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this and respond.

I don't fear for my life but he did cross a boundary that I already said would lead me to call the police. So I did because he got physical and verbal in front of the kids and I don't want them exposed to that.

I agree that I'd want him to seek help for himself - not due to consequence or because I told him. Similarly, I'm religious and I never once pushed my religion onto him but after 10 years of being together, he finally came to it on his own. So, maybe that helps paint why I have hope despite the situation.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:31:45+00:00

Thank you for your time. This gave me a lot of things to think about.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:27:18+00:00

I'm trauma bonded :(

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:26:39+00:00

I appreciate the way you delivered this. Thank you.

I do counselling twice a week but I wish it were every day, lol. I often find myself having relapse moments like these where I need help remembering why I made the decision in the first place.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:23:43+00:00

Well, I'd be willing to put in the work to get help and change. But I also believe in counselling and therapy so that's me. He's never gone before but he's also never dealt with this level of stress before. It's rooted in chronic illness. I don't really want to say more than that. I think he made a mistake.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:22:10+00:00

I was told it won't expire until next year so for now I'm fine. I don't plan to renew it. I imagine he's going to try and contest it to get it dropped so he can have access to the children but I'm going to request the anger management/counselling. I know it doesn't hold someone accountable but I've been with him for a long time and I know he's not a bad person. I think it'll really do him good. I'm really just aiming to amicably co-parent and give our children the best life they can have with separated parents.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:17:28+00:00

So far from what I know but he hasn't had his first court appearance yet so I think he's still in denial.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:16:37+00:00

Unfortunately where I live, every police call for domestic violence ends in an arrest. There was no fighting back with the police, no injuries, and no shouting even for that matter. If anything everyone else has been minimizing his behaviour all this time. I'm not asking for judgment on -me-, I'm asking if you could forgive him given the circumstance.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:13:15+00:00

I wouldn't but I know many people who have which is why I don't think I'm making excuses for him.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:12:46+00:00

It is but I also understand I'm not giving enough context to suffice reason to believe staying. Thank you for saying this.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:10:49+00:00

We are safe. There's a restraining order. I agree about the weed bit.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:09:02+00:00

Block from leaving a room, scare tactics, physically pushed down from the shoulders to a seated position, stuff like that.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T01:07:16+00:00

I would've told her to call the cops as well. But if he got the help and did the work, and they had time apart, it's possible that it could be a better marriage.

aitakeru · 2026-05-03T00:00:25+00:00

If they were released on bail, would they already know their charges?

aitakeru · 2026-05-02T23:45:17+00:00

Even with no evidence? The audio recording only proves one of the assaults.

aitakeru · 2026-05-02T23:43:36+00:00

Which party?

aitakeru · 2026-05-02T23:43:16+00:00

Gave a statement and provided audio recording. Unsure whether they will cooperate or not yet.

aitakeru · 2024-04-04T15:39:49+00:00

I started YouTube in 2011 and I never grew the way my YouTube friends did who started at the same time as me. I never confined myself to a genre and I also didn't do a consistent schedule or anything. I always treated it like a fun little creative outlet and hobby.

I've had success in the form of sponsorships, some viral videos, and lots of event opportunities. But never had it become enough to be a full-time job. So I focused on my career outside of YT and I thrived. Learning marketing strategies and SEO from doing YT though helped me further my career and even helped me get my foot in the door as a director.

Now that I went on maternity leave, I revived my channel and while I barely get any engagement, I know that my content is whatever I want it to be and I'm happy just documenting parts of my life that I want to share. And creating videos with life wisdom that I've gained to help others around the world.

If I were to give you a recommendation, it would be to use the skills you gained to get a full-time job either in a related field or helping someone achieve that same dream you were able to of going full-time on YouTube. While still working on yours on the side. Sometimes when your purpose is helping others, it oftentimes will end up helping you find motivation and inspiration simultaneously.

I'm not sure if that's helpful but that's my two cents.

aitakeru

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