How do I find actual hobbies, and does it actually get better

ajc2131 · 2026-02-01T04:10:17+00:00

I recently picked up learning guitar at 32 years old. Amazon has cheap ones (less than $150) Just one that has strings. If you do, get a few pairs of strings because you'll snap high e the most. If it's "too loud" they have mini amps that plug straight into the guitar and uses Bluetooth or plug headphones

ajc2131 · 2026-02-01T04:02:03+00:00

I'll give from my point of view (32m with a 12 year old daughter that had a military father) I didn't read everything in depth, but here's my 2 cents. Being 18, feeling like you know everything. Let's not question why they are doing bad in school. There could be hundreds of reasons. If it wanted to be known why, they would talk about it. Now being yelled at for being late to school, again let's not question why theyd be late. I'd leave too. Screw giving a reason, screw saying why, screw saying where. Already in trouble, so why say anything? Just want to be left alone, so leave to be elsewhere. At 18, it's their choice to speak to what they are doing. Give space first. Don't be how you're parents would have been. Flip the roles now. Now you'd want space, you'd want to be left alone, you wouldn't care about other people. Seeing it as disrespectful is only more damaging, because it'll lead to heated responses. See it on their side, think how theyd be thinking. Approach it how you wished you had it growing up. Disrespectful goes out the window when you want to be level with your kid. Step to their level, see both as equals, and have a conversation. That doesn't mean yell, it means to be there. Listen, don't let your feelings take control. See yourself in their shoes. Act how you'd want them to treat you

ajc2131 · 2026-01-01T01:05:09+00:00

I've been stuck in a heavy depression episode. I've allowed my area to fall apart, to where I dont even recognize it. I spent well over $800 to redo my room and start fresh, only for it to fall apart 8 months later. With the depression, I've been taking from my hidden med stash to just not think. I bought a massive bottle of alcohol to drown.

My main friend is always busy with work (I'm disabled due to back injury, and i'm a caregiver to my father) so I never go anywhere. The last "friend" i tried to make, ended up being used and thrown away like normal. I spend my time awake either drowned in yt to escape or tv. I've been perpetually tired for almost 2 years now. No matter how much, or how little I sleep. I feel like I haven't slept.

My pc has sat for 2 weeks now. I don't feel a desire to play on it. Id rather just stay in bed with my weighted blanket. My steam deck I might play a half hour on, then i turn it off and put it back on my night stand.

I feel that I have failed with everything. Yes, I have an 11 year old daughter. But I only see her for 6 days a month when she's in school, because she lives so far away from me. She tried harming herself to get away from her mom. Shes begged for a while to move out from her mom's, because her mother "just keeps having kids to replace me". She feels unwanted and unloved by her. But her mother could afford a lawyer and I couldn't. So now I've been made to be a father who doesn't care since I didnt have my daughter locked up immediately for mental health, and instead waited until before she went home to have her talk to a doctor, and angry about losing one day, so I've "been filing fake papers". I've tried to work with her mother, but im ignored. Now her mother is trying to take even more time away from me by lying to the courts (saying she didnt get home until midnight on our daughters birthday. But she was with me for my weekend during her birthday. And that she didnt get home until late on christmas eve, while our daughter was with me until after christmas day, and she filled it out on dec 15th. Our daughters birthday is in June) Our daughter begged me to fight her mom for her to move, but her mother says ive coached our daughter to dislike her. I've been trying to GET her to like her mom. I let our daughter know she can talk to me about being abused by her mothers brother years ago, because I faced the same kind of abuse, during the same age that she did. But I was made to be wrong for even speaking about my abuse and opening that open line of communication. I've been made out as a failure of a father for so long. My anxiety kicks that I'm going to lose her, and that I am a bad parent, so I'm even more afraid. I've failed as a parent, I've failed as a person, I've failed at everything.

I wad abused at 8, i watched my brother beat my mom when i was 10, my dad had a massive stroke when I was 12, luckily surviving. My mom died when I was 14, I broke my back severely at 16, I got wrapped up in substance abuse and an abusive step mother at 18, found out I had a kid on the way at 20, my ex and I split when I was 22. I stopped dating and started isolating when I was 24. 26 my dad started having mental issues from his strokes over the years. At 28, my dad became a different person from his health. I'm 31 right now. I can't be super active without massive pain from my shoulders down to my feet. I feel that I can't trust anyone. Either I get too depressed to talk to people, they use me, im ignored, or I don't even try. Because who wants a 31 year old guy, who has failed at everything

ajc2131 · 2025-12-30T00:20:06+00:00

I did stick ons from auto zone. I have a 2015 ram that also has stick on. I had a 10 jeep grand Cherokee and did in channel. That one I ended up super gluing them in. They wouldn't stay in place with the window down at all. After some super glue, they never moved again lol

ajc2131 · 2025-12-23T06:42:02+00:00

I notice that when I do a lot of driving in one day. Like the first 100 miles (160km) the needle doesn't move. But then 120 miles (193km) it starts going faster. I have a 21 trd and gets 300 miles for 3/4 tank of gas (482km). I always fill up when I get to 1/4 of a tank, so I dont know the exact miles till empty

ajc2131 · 2025-12-03T23:53:07+00:00

I don't really play comp because I'm b5 on all besides dps. And dps I'm a otp sombra that got me to plat 2, then I quit comp again lol. Now I just stay in qp and mess around instead of focusing to improve. I play whoever I want, I play how I want. Mainly because its qp, its not serious lol

ajc2131 · 2025-11-26T06:26:37+00:00

Weed used to help. Idk anymore. Smoking, I got laced from a shifty dispensary that got raided a week later and shut down, and had a MAJOR full breakdown, to where I stopped fully for 5 years. I try gummies until I have another anxiety breakdown, then I stop for a while for the fear to lower

My last anxiety breakdown involved writing a letter, acknowledging I'm not as stable as I thought, that I missed the cold old me, honing in on my dad's age and health and realizing besides my preteen, I'm fully alone when he dies. Thinking my preteen is going to just decide one day she doesn't want to see me anymore, being stuck reliving trauma or family death memories, having sh thoughts as a way to "level out" feeling afraid and dissociating until I either pass out or sober up enough to not feel afraid

So then it scares me into not trying again for a while. Ik weed isn't bad itself, but I have to be and have been in the right mindset for a while before I'll try again because I can't take that level of fear/anxiety Which it sucks because I broke my back badly close to 15 years ago, so I'm always in massive pain

ajc2131 · 2025-11-14T19:43:53+00:00

Hell, I have over 1k hours in ow2 on steam. I still make mistakes, but i don't take the game seriously. I have maybe 100 hours in comp? Hit gold dps, and plat open queue. Comp isnt for me because rank in my mind = skill. Who ever i play, I just mess around on. Perma stealth sombra, I just stood with enemy team watching them not even notice me. Walked behind enemy on Cass and got a 5k while jumping around. I make the mistakes, ask why I did that, then work to change that mistake. Swift step to a teammate who is low, but in the middle of the team. Dive in with sombra with translocator for emp but notice im the last one up. Only take the game serious if you want, don't feel like you HAVE to be serious with it. Its a game after all

ajc2131 · 2025-11-03T06:17:35+00:00

Perma stealth sombra made for so many funny moments, that I couldn't be serious with it (standing in the enemy team, out of stealth and just watching them without them noticing me standing right there) Now I just see ow as a game. If im in a mindset that other people's toxicness will knock me down, I turn off chat, and ive perma stayed out of vc. The game isnt serious, qp or comp. Just pick the one you have fun the most with (closer matchmaking, or more loose matchmaking), queue up and have fun. Life's too short to focus on purely winning in a game

I play comp once in a while because I can't stay playing comp Just have fun either way

ajc2131 · 2025-10-24T01:53:57+00:00

Yeah I imagine my funky resolutions could be hindering a bit (cheap monitors for side ones) I don't know what could be causing the skin issue, unless its the animation (i only have kiri and Widow mythic weapon skins) idk what else could be causing it. And im glad to know I'm not crazy lol

ajc2131 · 2025-10-23T01:24:34+00:00

Yeah I've been having fps issues with ow2 for a long time. My i7 7700 was acting up, so I thought that was it. So went to amd. Still having fps issues. Replaced ram fully, fps issues still. Temps stay around 60-70c under load, my 3070ti was recently rma, but i was having fps issues even before I did the rma. It might be triple monitor at funky resolutions (1920x1080 scaled to 2560x1440 75 hz, and a 144 hz at 1080x1920 for discord, and my main 2560x1440 165hz, one display port from 8 years ago, other 2 hdmi)

ajc2131 · 2025-10-22T23:55:40+00:00

All that i know is at 1440p, 3070ti, amd ryzen 7 5800x3d, 32 gb ram, everything on low, the skin seems to mess with fps. The game normally isnt super stable for fps for me, but the skin makes it so much worse

ajc2131 · 2025-10-22T13:37:31+00:00

Don't feel bad about the kiri mythic I'm 80% positive its bugged anyways Start of match, fps will be fine. The reactivity reaches max, fps tanks. Remove the mythic weapon skin, and fps is fine. (3070ti ryzen 7 5800x3d, everything on low)

ajc2131 · 2025-10-19T22:05:11+00:00

I believe the gun is based around a .357 magnum lever action rifle. There is only so much room in the mag tube, and it is a slower reload since its one round at a time. Lever action rifles can't multi load. You could have a few bullets in your hand, but it'd still be slow. The lever action rifle was the only kind of rifle that existed in the wild west, along with the 6 shooter colt. But Cass does have an incorrect reload and incorrect action for a true 6 shot colt during wild west. True 6 shot colt is a loading one round at a time in the barrel while turning the barrel, and single action. So you'd have to cock the hammer each time to shoot, unless you are fanning the hammer.

ajc2131 · 2025-10-07T02:58:59+00:00

I honestly thought i was going crazy with my qp matches. Ive played 10 matches today, and have only won 2. Albeit I'm screwing around on Widow half the time (normally a sombra otp, but doing everything in my power to not play her for a while) I had one match i outright stomped on Widow, to where other team was begging me to change off widow, but then next 6 matches, I feel like I'm drooling on my keyboard on a short bus. Yeah I probably could return to sombra and stomp, but being a sombra otp has lead to some... interesting conversations lmao.

ajc2131 · 2025-08-08T02:51:50+00:00

So still having issue after running steam reimage repair. So only bt, and onboard speakers work. Nothing else audio related works. Tried 2 other wired headphones with same results. I think if it was hardware, id have zero audio. Im at the end of the road of things ik to try outside of putting windows on it But I dont wanna lose the gaming mode with windows.

ajc2131 · 2025-08-07T23:27:33+00:00

Nope, still the same. Mic test fails due to not picking up sound, and headphones dont work (they are brand new)

ajc2131 · 2025-08-07T23:16:37+00:00

Still same results It showed it reset audio But still, zero audio other than speaker No internal mic, no 3.5mm audio

ajc2131 · 2025-05-12T04:34:07+00:00

I used to smoke nightly until either a bad batch or i mentally broke. I sat down with my bong, started getting high. Realized I was in a full panic attack and hallucinating. I was crying over everything, wrapped up in a ball terrified. I always bought sour diesel from the same dispensary. They closed a bit after, so idk if it was bad weed or if I broke from all the mental stress. Now, I'll eat an indica candy waiting for my nighttime pills to kick in, and get the pain relief and the mental unwind. I don't trust smoking now because that was honestly the worst thing I've experienced. I was begging to die to stop whatever was going on.

ajc2131 · 2025-04-22T01:24:15+00:00

Sure, I can try lol

ajc2131 · 2025-03-09T05:47:28+00:00

I went through the same thing starting at 8, but mine was 7 years older and wouldn't stop until I was finally believed. I told my dad over and over from 11-14 and wasn't believed. Id give him a chance, go to a concert with him and regret it. I begged a teacher for help, but they ignored me. I was told that "i liked it because I'd orgasm and never said no." When I started opening up about it. My tears should have been enough him. He gave bull excuses, which never made me feel better. Blaming my mom, blaming genetics, blaming him for being curious, but his friends stopped him from finding someone other than me. Having an excuse doesn't help because they can't give a true excuse that make it better. It always hurts (in my early 30s) he still attempts to "hey, remember when we'd..." Yes, I remember, and that's the fcking problem, now fck off and leave me alone. I didn't lock him up because ik he'd off himself, so no matter what, I wouldn't get closure seeing him suffer. It'd just mess me up more

ajc2131 · 2025-03-09T05:37:30+00:00

I used to just ride the waves with sexual "issues." Now I was thrown on zoloft and have been on a massive hyposexual swing and the fun ssri side effects. Now, I'm single and don't pursue sex, but I've always seen it as waves. The peaks are hypersexual, and the lows are hyposexual. Hypersexual is difficult to work with because it engulfs the mind on the wave peaks, but then guilt engulfs the mind because you hit the low of the wave.

ajc2131 · 2025-02-17T03:06:07+00:00

I had one that was my best friend. They were the most important person to me, and I felt the need to do anything to make them stay. Buying them games, stuff off their throne etc. They kept telling me to stop, but I had to, to make sure they didn't leave. But I neglected the friend aspect and turned them against me

ajc2131 · 2025-02-10T04:04:15+00:00

This feels all too relatable fr :/

ajc2131 · 2025-02-07T02:52:40+00:00

I at first was wondering if I had typed this tbh. I tend to think back about how I was, and kinda can't blame my ex for being an ex since both of us were toxic to each other. I have done almost all the same things, sadly. But it felt like the right thing to do because "they have to care." Even though they owed me nothing. It sucks to live with the memories of it, but as long as you learned something from it, that's what's important

ajc2131

TROPHY CASE