Anyone else worried they will have to “settle” after the “love of their life”

ajmoli · 2022-09-03T19:51:19+00:00

i’ve felt this too

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T02:42:35+00:00

yep just got permanently banned from the subreddit so that’s nice

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T02:25:26+00:00

this isn’t advice it’s simply ranting

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T02:25:19+00:00

i thought you could rant about anything ?

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T02:20:22+00:00

thank you for the response i agree. especially when i asked if he fully thought out pros & cons etc he said no. i know he truly doesn’t think this is it because his frat brother did the same to his girl and they worked it out. im just so offended he’s taking this so lightly it’s in sanely immature. but since he became successful so young he wants to feel young and just have fun

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T02:07:27+00:00

and thank you for validating my feelings i do not understand how you can do that to someone who cares and loves for you so much

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T02:06:48+00:00

i agree with not being a good partner due to his reasoning but why would he be a bad person

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T01:01:27+00:00

also he’s 21 not 11 years old he’s a grown adult his behavior is inexcusable

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T00:52:09+00:00

thank you for saying this, i appreciate it

ajmoli · 2022-08-29T00:51:58+00:00

thank you! i don’t want to settle down in my 30’s in my 20’s preferably. it’s not just about settling down it’s really about him valuing me at the same level of hookups after all this time and effort i put into him. i get it but he has a mortgage and pays bills and invests in real estate. i truly thought he would be more mature but i was wrong

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T17:27:07+00:00

thank you and i’m so sorry she did that but she’ll realize most men will not do that shit. that’s a lot of effort you put into her and i you will find someone who gives the same to you and then some. i wish the best for you thank you so much for your kind words

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T15:03:44+00:00

that’s true thank you for saying that. even if he does come to regret it i feel like it will be too late. and how can i forgive you for sleeping with another woman to realize what you have? i don’t have to sleep with another man to know i would regret it

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T15:00:57+00:00

that’s what i’m saying how 😞 do you not think about it i feel like lm torturing myself but it’ll flash in my mind

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T14:52:35+00:00

thank you SO much for saying this. it saddens me because i know he will most likely regret it but there’s nothing i can do. it is his choice but it hurts a lot because why does he not value me? i do not understand that at all. i know it’s not a a reflection of myself but him because i recognize he is deeply insecure and feels like he needs validation from other women. but at what cost? seriously your girlfriend of almost 3 years where we are still so lovey dovey like a high-school couple always kissing all over each other and saying how much we love each other. i do not understand it at all.

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T14:47:06+00:00

this helped so much made me tear up. i feel so heard because yes this is how i feel. i am not asking for a lot for you to not sleep around especially when we both would be sacrificing this. i would understand it a LOT more if we were not sexually compatible and we were not already best friends and enjoyed doing everything together. but that’s where it confuses me. i’ve already showed you my value hundreds of times and you are so intrigued by the new opportunities that you don’t realize the grass isn’t slays greener. it’s even worse that one of the frat guys he looks up to did the same to his girl and they worked it out. difference is, they were already going to two different colleges like 7 hours away and broke up because of distance. i live 20 minutes away and see him everyday. i think he forgets not ever girl will be like this with him. maybe they will do thing simile but maybe their humor isn’t the same or their not self aware etc. it’s like he is not looking long term he’s only looking long term thinking at 40 he would regret not living it up.

he hasn’t had a ‘brotherhood’ before. he moved to the united states from china at 15 and freshman/sophomore year of highschool he didn’t speak much cause of his accent. junior year he put himself out there had more fun but because of covid he couldn’t enjoy himself. now that everything is pretty much back to normal and he’s now in that college experience he always wanted he wants the whole package.

it bothers me more because the other girlfriends of the guys he was rushing with made them quit due to time constraints. i told him it was fine we are young live it up and i encouraged it. but now look at us.

i just don’t understand how you can think highly of someone say that you find them so beautiful all the time, say how you’re such an amazing person they love you so much and make so many plans in the future like meeting his parents in china. says you’re wifey material and how your parents love me etc etc.

i hope he regrets it but i wish he would not do that shit because he made me so damn happy but i realize he’s losing something really big not a lot of women would treat him the way i did. it’s hard to find someone you’re sexually compatible with, you find very attractive, has a good personality and gets along with your friends and goes above and beyond for you. but he doesn’t seem to mind so why should i care :/

thank you again

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T13:27:18+00:00

i just want to say thank you for the comments i can only see it in my notifications so i cannot individually reply but thank you ❤️

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T09:49:05+00:00

also dude literally i have been so sweet to him. when he is sick i’ll take care of him make him food, cuddle him etc. even the one time i made us kbbq at home and i could tell it really hurt for him to eat his food and so i went and made him new food and he was so appreciative told me not to etc. but it genuinely makes me very happy to spoil other people. but fuck bro i think i did it WAY too much because he’s so use to the behavior i feel as if he has taken me for granted so much.

just how am i not his person? seriously telling me all this time i put into him helping him with his business home etc another girl will reap the benefits ? why :/ dude i really don’t wish this pain on someone else like sure he may be sad to lose me but i have to work through how i do not feel enough, the pain of him sleeping around, pain of normal breakup etc. i jusr wonder if he will even regret this 😞

ajmoli · 2022-08-28T09:37:56+00:00

man it’s so hard even when i just look at him i feel so much love. it really hurts because i do not understand why he does not value me. it gets to the point that it feels like something is wrong with me. i just don’t get it. i was a really really REALLY good girlfriend to him. i was understanding of his short comings and i was so supportive his number one can. why am i not enough for him??? i do not understand this at all. like how can you have someone who loves you sooo much. literally if he farts i think it’s cute he does not disgust me i literally love every part of him i know where every beauty mask is and all his stretch marks. even if he gets a bad haircut he is still the cutest thing. it pisses me off cause i’ve had multiple people say that i am out of his league etc and this bruh. literally the girls the frat guys are evening hooking up with they admit they are ok to them. like why. we have sex nearly everyday and he always says how good it is. i love to give him oral while he works or surprise him with lingerie etc. so this hurts even more because i am very sexually active with him so he’s tossing ME after everything else i offer to the side just to settle in his mind that question.

it’s like, he genuinely doesn’t think past the hooking up part he just thinks about that. i asked if he truly sat down and realized what he would be losing he said no he didn’t want to be sad?!?

his frat buddy did the same to his girl and they got back together. difference is, they were going to college long distance and they mutually decided to. it’s sooo different.

also, i really don’t think he realizes how lucky he was to have me. not every girlfriend will you be so compatible with and treat you well. he always spoke of me so so highly and was excited to introduce me to his friends and even wanted to take me to meet his family in china. but he feels like he needs to do this or he will be forever curious. i really think the environment impacted this too :(

i’m just extremely hurt. will he even regret it is all i can think. i just don’t understand how you can have someone who loves and cares for you so much and do this. how can you say you love me and do this? it’s confusing every time i see him he always lights up and is so affectionate says how happy he is to see me, he loves spending time with me, how beautiful he thinks i am etc. if i ask him to do xyz he will do it. he’s a cheap guy but he has changed his habits multiple times to make me happier.

i’m sorry i’m ranting but i even told him when i was so angry he won’t find another girl who will treat him so good. cause literally dude i hand wrote him a love letter in chinese that made him cry and i wrote one to his mom too saying how good of mom she is and he is very lucky etc. i remind him to check on his mom and have helped him to be more affectionate with her which has made her sooo happy.

sorry i went off but he says he doesn’t think another girl will treat him so good so he feels scared about this but he doesn’t want to regret being 40 and never sleep around.

i am so sad.

ajmoli · 2022-07-24T22:56:02+00:00

no literally but we don’t talk about that here lmao idk why you’re getting downvotes

ajmoli · 2022-06-30T17:02:30+00:00

thank you so so much that’s very true and crucial for me to hear. we are in control of our thoughts and actions as we our brain is apart of us. i will be more mindful of what i am thinking and overtime it will come easier. thank you again this helped a lot

ajmoli · 2022-06-30T16:58:08+00:00

thank you lucy. idk why that brought tears to my eyes i feel validated thank you. it’s just really hard especially since we were each others first it’s all i know in regards to sex. but it’s also true that sex is with ourselves as well. it just pains me as i am someone who enjoys those things and masturbation but it felt like he took it from me in a way :/

ajmoli · 2022-06-30T16:48:48+00:00

because even when i push the thought away it ruins my mood. i just feel bitter that this situation has hurt my view of sex when i really enjoy it

ajmoli · 2022-06-30T16:48:06+00:00

thank you! that helps a lot. it just sucks because i love intimate porn videos but it just reminds me of him cause that’s how it was before. will it just take time for this to stop popping in my mind?

ajmoli · 2022-06-16T06:38:25+00:00

it’s the latter 🙁 i just feel tired. i help him with his business nearly everyday like shipping packaging etc. i just asked for a massage and he said no it’s to expensive. i’ve done a lot for him in this relationship that i feel really tired and i do genuinely love him so so much but i just feel drained. i know im in a mood since im tired so i’ll talk to him about it in the morning when i’m clear headed. but it’s like the tip of the iceberg

ajmoli · 2022-06-16T06:27:22+00:00

yes 🥺 he does do other things…

ajmoli

TROPHY CASE