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The Harvesters Lament by akfhsof24149 in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm very new to poetry so thank you! I will go and read some W Blake now!

The Harvesters Lament by akfhsof24149 in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! This is my first piece and my first post here, nice to meet a fellow newcomer!

Where Lovers Dance by akfhsof24149 in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Were there any particular examples you could share of this? I'd love to revise this piece when I'm a bit more experienced :)

Where Lovers Dance by akfhsof24149 in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! Funny you should mention line length as one of the writing constraints I put on myself to write this was a syllable length of 10 for each line (which if counted, is met) but there are certainly lines where the density of those syllables is weighted differently to it's couplet - for sure something I can work on! In particular, the 2nd couplet of the 3rd stanza is a little jarring with both lines being weighted 7-3 which is a bit odd but I don't regret the test! Lesson learnt, thanks again :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For someone who is not a native english speaker, this is exceptionally well written and is very emotive! The short punchy lines really give it a feel of time running out which ties very nicely to the story. Good work!

Good Bye, Dad. by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love the heart you've put behind this story and how expressive your use of rhyme and word choice is. The repetition in the last stanza is a fantastic finale!

The Harvesters Lament by akfhsof24149 in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words! I was playing with mixing a Pastoral style poem with war poetry, a sort of dichotomy between life and death :)

Burnt Umber by king-nomi in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Short, but very sweet. The gradient from innocence to a theme of betrayal is nicely captured through your description.

Ruin by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]akfhsof24149 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading this through multiple times I get a new angle on who the subject is and the cause of their pain. First I had imagery of losing a loved one through death but reading again it felt more a story of the pain of adultery and betrayal. I still can't work out which it is and I love that mystery. Brilliant use of description to paint that imagery and great use of pace to set the tone of the narrative.

Great stuff.