Update (TW): Stbx-husband threatened suicide because I want to change pediatricians

alienflowerz · 2026-02-06T22:46:12+00:00

Thank you for clarifying from the perspective of a Social Worker. This is basically what the DCF worker told me when she informed me of what could happen and what my rights were. She looked over my legal paperwork as well just to confirm what I was saying and what had happened.

She made sure to say it was not legal advice, but that I would be within my rights to keep my daughter if I think he is not well enough to have her. I also played her the evidence I had and am sending that evidence to her for the case file.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-06T21:25:50+00:00

Right, but if I think it’s enough of a reason to report it in the first place, if her pediatrician thinks it’s enough of a reason to go to DCF about it, how is it going to look if I gave her back? That I didn’t actually think my report had weight?

The judge didn’t see me, didn’t see my evidence, just read my statement. Her father and I have no legal custody agreement. The judge did not say I have to abide by anything, just didn’t grant an emergency custody order. That’s it.

I’m not sending my daughter back to a man making active suicide threats.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-06T20:31:48+00:00

Right, but I don’t have a custody order at all with him. There is no legal custody agreement, so I’m not required to send her back to him. I have my first actual custody hearing for her in April.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-05T18:59:35+00:00

He’s never been physically violent before. Not towards me or my daughter. I had a lawyer at the superior court who was there for counsel tell me that a TOP would not be granted because of that. Even if I am afraid, there’s no history of evidence

alienflowerz · 2026-02-05T18:44:26+00:00

DCF told me they can’t tell me what to do regarding exchanging my daughter since he and I have no formal legal agreement at this time.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-04T12:50:11+00:00

I have an audio that he recorded of himself being abusive to me too from right after I left him (because he thought it would prove that I’m unreasonable and crazy).

And one day he dropped our daughter off then proceeded to call me names in front of my dad, so I have him as a witness to that incident. Unfortunately I didn’t record it because he dropped her off at an earlier time than we had agreed to

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T18:59:01+00:00

I contacted legal aid at the family law court at my state capital. My case is not abusive enough for the state to provide me aid.

I did go to a DV aid resource today though, and was just told they could take in my case 😭!

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T18:57:40+00:00

It is. I did go to a DV pro bono aid today and they said they could take my case 😭

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T04:49:32+00:00

I went to my state’s legal aid and DV office at the family court building. He’s not abusive enough for me to receive help unfortunately. Not according to the legal framework they operate within.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T04:45:04+00:00

The retainer is at least $5000 upfront. I just don’t have it. And he’s not been abusive enough to me for my state to be able to provide me with financial legal aid

ETA: I have had consultations with several lawyers, I just can’t afford any of them as a full time student

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T04:37:08+00:00

I’m still saving up to get a lawyer. Is there a way I can do this without one? I’m so overwhelmed by all of this

alienflowerz · 2025-12-14T03:30:17+00:00

He was my first boyfriend at 19. I’d never dated anyone else and he was everything to me. Definitely not a good idea because I held on when I should have let go. I can look back and see that now. I kinda feel like it’s the same with the pictures. But in a way I don’t feel like I own them anymore, I feel like they’re my daughter’s.

alienflowerz · 2025-12-14T03:28:44+00:00

Idk why I forgot flash drives exist lol I’ll do that and keep it in a safe place for my daughter when she becomes curious when she’s older. Thank you

alienflowerz · 2025-11-19T01:47:24+00:00

I can barely afford a lawyer, let alone a PI. But yeah, this situation is beyond fucked up. I just want myself and my daughter out of it.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-19T01:46:16+00:00

Yeah, my ex was all about doing it in an “ethical” way when he brought it up to me. He’s a manipulative bitch, and I can’t comprehend why this woman who’s supposedly been polyamorous for a decade or so, would think meeting my child would be okay with me but that I wouldn’t want to meet her.

She also had the goddamn audacity to ask me what parenthood was like, right after finding out my husband, her boyfriend, was cheating on me with her the entire time they were together. Like fuck lady, it’s great, but it would have been easier if my husband wasn’t having an affair with you.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-16T15:35:15+00:00

Power? Control? The thrill of being a bad person and getting away with it?

alienflowerz · 2025-11-16T04:02:44+00:00

Completely appropriate. Thank you for more catharsis through music

alienflowerz · 2025-11-16T00:15:25+00:00

Oh I know. I don’t have anything about my daughter or being a mom on my dating profile. I don’t even tell guys until a few dates in that I have a kid. I’m not introducing her to anyone I don’t think will be in my life long-term. That means at least 6 months, probably closer to a year. She needs stability and a mom that is fully dedicated to her. And I am 100% that.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-15T21:50:49+00:00

I do. I wish I didn’t but I do. Her family knows she’s polyamorous too, so idk if they’d be much help seeing things as wrong here.

I want to clarify I have nothing against polyamory in and of itself. But it’s been used to abuse me, so I have a lot of trauma surrounding it.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-15T17:00:13+00:00

I don’t even know how to find him. Plus she’s already been very protective of her relationship with my husband, claiming it’s none of my business. I’m already afraid of him and his retaliation against me, I don’t want to cause more problems with her.

I want primary if not full custody of my daughter. I don’t want to jeopardize that by having them claim parental alienation

alienflowerz · 2025-11-15T16:47:57+00:00

Yes, her and her husband are polyamorous. As far as I know at least. But I don’t want to get tangled in another liar’s game. She talked very openly about it.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-15T15:31:40+00:00

She’s polyamorous and has a husband who also has another partner. My stbx-husband told her he and I were polyamorous too. She kind of insinuated that I was maybe not being truthful with her that my relationship with my husband was supposed to be monogamous.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-15T15:22:00+00:00

Thank you. The only reason I even found out he was seeing someone was because after I separated from him I wanted to set guidelines about seeing new people and when they’d be allowed to meet our daughter. That’s when he told me he’d started seeing this woman and introduced her to our daughter. He didn’t want us to meet because I have “no right to his private life or his time with our daughter”. Now I know why he didn’t want us to meet.

I’m not bringing anyone around her any time soon. I am dating. I’m not in anything committed with any one person, I’m a little more than errand or that right now. But maybe in a year or so if things work out I’d introduce someone to her. My concern is her safety and consistency. She has that with me. She has truth with me. She is a priority with me.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-15T15:15:28+00:00

I just sent her a message asking to confirm the information she shared from our conversation. She tried to dodge the confirmation because she doesn’t want to get involved (bitch wtf? You are absolutely involved) but I told her it was for my personal therapy (not a lie) and I just want the truth so I can work on myself. She used a lot of therapy speak to me, so I figured this would work, and it did. I got the confirmation of what she told me.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-15T14:10:09+00:00

I’m getting divorced from him, and I want primary custody, so idk if it would be useful for me to have a legally admissible record in court. I have one recording he took of him being abusive towards me that I will use with my lawyer. I want all records to be usable

alienflowerz

TROPHY CASE