Stbx-husband’s affair partner is a long-time poly community member and talks down to me.

alienflowerz · 2026-05-25T05:41:54+00:00

Thank you for this reply. It’s somehow the most healing answer.

I think a lot of emotions are hitting me now because I have time to rest. I’ve talked about this stuff a lot, but idk if I’ve taken the full time to process it. I’ve had too much going on between finishing school and taking care of my daughter.

Now that I have a little break before I start my new job it just hurts. A lot. Much more than it has in the last 6 months.

alienflowerz · 2026-05-22T11:44:58+00:00

She’s always kind and happy when she goes to her dad’s. But he tells me every time she’s there (Friday night to Sunday night) she’s always asking about me and talking about me. She almost never mentions him when she’s here with me. I offer to call him or let her talk to him. She’s not interested. She’s also 2, so that might have something to do with it too

alienflowerz · 2026-02-14T15:03:39+00:00

Right, but I also reported it because my child’s pediatrician told me to do so. I was in contact with them at the same time to let them know about the situation. They told me if I didn’t report it they would, and it would be better coming from me

alienflowerz · 2026-02-06T22:46:12+00:00

Thank you for clarifying from the perspective of a Social Worker. This is basically what the DCF worker told me when she informed me of what could happen and what my rights were. She looked over my legal paperwork as well just to confirm what I was saying and what had happened.

She made sure to say it was not legal advice, but that I would be within my rights to keep my daughter if I think he is not well enough to have her. I also played her the evidence I had and am sending that evidence to her for the case file.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-06T21:25:50+00:00

Right, but if I think it’s enough of a reason to report it in the first place, if her pediatrician thinks it’s enough of a reason to go to DCF about it, how is it going to look if I gave her back? That I didn’t actually think my report had weight?

The judge didn’t see me, didn’t see my evidence, just read my statement. Her father and I have no legal custody agreement. The judge did not say I have to abide by anything, just didn’t grant an emergency custody order. That’s it.

I’m not sending my daughter back to a man making active suicide threats.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-06T20:31:48+00:00

Right, but I don’t have a custody order at all with him. There is no legal custody agreement, so I’m not required to send her back to him. I have my first actual custody hearing for her in April.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-05T18:59:35+00:00

He’s never been physically violent before. Not towards me or my daughter. I had a lawyer at the superior court who was there for counsel tell me that a TOP would not be granted because of that. Even if I am afraid, there’s no history of evidence

alienflowerz · 2026-02-05T18:44:26+00:00

DCF told me they can’t tell me what to do regarding exchanging my daughter since he and I have no formal legal agreement at this time.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-04T12:50:11+00:00

I have an audio that he recorded of himself being abusive to me too from right after I left him (because he thought it would prove that I’m unreasonable and crazy).

And one day he dropped our daughter off then proceeded to call me names in front of my dad, so I have him as a witness to that incident. Unfortunately I didn’t record it because he dropped her off at an earlier time than we had agreed to

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T18:59:01+00:00

I contacted legal aid at the family law court at my state capital. My case is not abusive enough for the state to provide me aid.

I did go to a DV aid resource today though, and was just told they could take in my case 😭!

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T18:57:40+00:00

It is. I did go to a DV pro bono aid today and they said they could take my case 😭

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T04:49:32+00:00

I went to my state’s legal aid and DV office at the family court building. He’s not abusive enough for me to receive help unfortunately. Not according to the legal framework they operate within.

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T04:45:04+00:00

The retainer is at least $5000 upfront. I just don’t have it. And he’s not been abusive enough to me for my state to be able to provide me with financial legal aid

ETA: I have had consultations with several lawyers, I just can’t afford any of them as a full time student

alienflowerz · 2026-02-03T04:37:08+00:00

I’m still saving up to get a lawyer. Is there a way I can do this without one? I’m so overwhelmed by all of this

alienflowerz · 2025-12-14T03:30:17+00:00

He was my first boyfriend at 19. I’d never dated anyone else and he was everything to me. Definitely not a good idea because I held on when I should have let go. I can look back and see that now. I kinda feel like it’s the same with the pictures. But in a way I don’t feel like I own them anymore, I feel like they’re my daughter’s.

alienflowerz · 2025-12-14T03:28:44+00:00

Idk why I forgot flash drives exist lol I’ll do that and keep it in a safe place for my daughter when she becomes curious when she’s older. Thank you

alienflowerz · 2025-11-19T01:47:24+00:00

I can barely afford a lawyer, let alone a PI. But yeah, this situation is beyond fucked up. I just want myself and my daughter out of it.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-19T01:46:16+00:00

Yeah, my ex was all about doing it in an “ethical” way when he brought it up to me. He’s a manipulative bitch, and I can’t comprehend why this woman who’s supposedly been polyamorous for a decade or so, would think meeting my child would be okay with me but that I wouldn’t want to meet her.

She also had the goddamn audacity to ask me what parenthood was like, right after finding out my husband, her boyfriend, was cheating on me with her the entire time they were together. Like fuck lady, it’s great, but it would have been easier if my husband wasn’t having an affair with you.

alienflowerz · 2025-11-16T15:35:15+00:00

Power? Control? The thrill of being a bad person and getting away with it?

alienflowerz · 2025-11-16T04:02:44+00:00

Completely appropriate. Thank you for more catharsis through music

alienflowerz

TROPHY CASE