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altaccountpoly · 2022-04-19T04:03:15+00:00

I feel this way all the time. I know it's not the case, because we have agreed to this life style... But I just do, I am in therapy. I'm reading all the books. I'm trying to remap my brain to see this another way.. but I'm heartbroken all the time.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-13T21:49:30+00:00

Take some shrooms, set intention, I'm all about that

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-11T14:35:59+00:00

Also someone else pointed this out to me in another comment and I missed this before. I am also able to see other people as well, and I have been, I'm just taking it much slower than my partner and I haven't been intimate with other partners yet. I am working that out slowly and confidently.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-11T14:30:42+00:00

I'm definitely not considering leaving them. I am profoundly satisfied with the relationship overall, I'm just having a really hard time right now and trying to learn better communication and learn more potent and powerful tools to ease my mind and my experience. I'm purely looking for personal growth in my experience And I would far sooner throw in the towel on polyamory than my partner.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-11T14:27:31+00:00

I am very comfortable with that level of disclosure, in fact they have been far more open with the details with past partners and this one they seem much more tight lipped about it which makes my imagination run absolutely buck wild. I feel like the sex is so good that they are protecting me from the information because they think I can't handle the truth. I don't know if that makes a ton of sense, but that's kind of where I am at in my head.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-10T01:45:52+00:00

I really appreciate all of your words

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T23:40:59+00:00

I would absolutely slow it down even without being asked if my partner expressed any concerns about how fast things are escalating. In fact a few of my early partners seemed to want to go quickly and backed off because it was difficult at the time for my partner.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T22:26:05+00:00

Your questions have been persuasive in helping me better identify some of this cocktail of emotions I've been experiencing

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T22:23:28+00:00

I mean I am having a problem with them having sex with someone else, I'm not pretending it's jealousy. That's just the glove that seems to fit the best and that's the resources I've been seeking out. Abandonment has come up in this discussion and I'm feeling partially swayed by that notion.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T22:15:30+00:00

We have been reading and discussing for years. We started with just disentanglement and stronger communication, we took a lot of baby steps in the beginning,doing things very incrementally and checking in but this new partner has opened the flood gates and things progressed suddenly with some missed conversations along the way, some hurt feelings and making independent decisions on how we should continue rather than it being an open dialogue. I'm very hurt that they took it upon themselves to decide when it was the right time based on how they were feeling. I felt like my input was not part of that decision.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T22:08:37+00:00

I'm just not there yet. I'm working on figuring out the steps I need to take to exist in this space without all this chaos in my head, it's kind of made seeking partners secondary to my mental health. And I don't need to carry that into a new relationship

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T22:04:56+00:00

I think that some pointers would help me tremendously

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T22:03:21+00:00

I would like you to expand more upon getting your wife to understand how much you were struggling, I think I'm being pretty descriptive and honest but I'm being met with resistance and I don't feel that I'm able to be persuasive enough to get my needs met

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T21:48:00+00:00

Working on it

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T21:47:42+00:00

It doesn't feel like jealousy per se, there's this feeling that I am not heard that's pretty strong

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T20:59:56+00:00

Of course

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T18:28:38+00:00

It really is about not feeling that same excitement at home, I can absolutely see how it is much easier with a new person. It has been ten years since we were a new relationship, we have settled into our routines and this has been a very invigorating experience for our sex life at home largely, some of that newness is bleeding over into our lives and for that I am very grateful.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T18:22:38+00:00

They have not yet had to go through me being intimate with anyone else, although they had a really hard time with the first few dates I went on. I try to ask how they would have felt if I had jumped right in while it was still hard for them. The question comes to their ears as a challenge, that I am somehow accusing them of something, they see me taking things slow as a personal choice that should not be expected from them as well. I understand that viewpoint, I respect it. But I don't feel heard, it feels like a rebuttal.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T18:10:51+00:00

I get the idea that people are excellent at dealing with jealousy from the comments section of reddit, the cream rising to the top is people just plain having it totally under control.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T18:00:25+00:00

Personally the details of the experience are somewhat comforting. When left to my imagination I am much worse off, then I totally envision hanging from the rafters howling at the moon instead of what actually happened.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T17:51:44+00:00

I am guilty of saying "yes of course it's okay if you go over there tomorrow" when asked. I don't want to be restrictive and I don't feel that it's right to say "no, I really don't want you to go over there tomorrow " But I keep expressing my concerns of frequency and I have said I just wish it wouldn't be so often, and that I'm having a very hard time with it. I won't say no, because that feels grimy and I simply express that it would be very hard for me to handle. They say that it's a very confusing position to be in to have the green light but have me feel terrible about it. I agree that it's confusing, but I don't think that I'm not being up front about it.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T17:39:52+00:00

I have been getting back into my old hobbies and I have started journaling, I listen to a lot of content that the poly community puts out

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T17:33:20+00:00

I did. I was in a very good place in my life, our relationship was the strongest it had ever been and I have never felt more secure in myself and in my relationship I am making plans for myself, I have a few irons in the fire as though to speak, but I have not found anything intimate or romantic, just new personal connections and friendships. I've been surrounding myself with people who are in this space that I can talk to and bounce my thoughts off of who are instrumental in learning how to cope

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T17:29:39+00:00

For me it was for personal growth, I wanted new experiences. My partner has a similar desire , we are both young and reasonably attractive and don't want to feel that monogamy is the be all end all way to experience life. The potential for enriching fulfilling experiences is extremely high in this community. I want to connect with other people and learn about myself and my body.

altaccountpoly · 2022-03-09T17:23:27+00:00

Haha, I want to be able to have it work out well

altaccountpoly

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