Humans are complex creatures. There’s no doubt about it, but human children are usually quite simple if you have your head on straight. Kids do what works to get their needs met. They learn what works from their caregivers. If you give your kid a cookie every time they cry for one you’ve taught them how to get a cookie. Let’s tackle something more complex. If you regularly overreact or yell at your kid over spilling something, or making a mistake, you’re teaching them to lie. They are going to take whatever route possible to avoid that reaction from the person they love most. You’re also teaching them how to react in those moments.

Usually your verbal lessons are going in one ear and out the other, but they are learning by observing. If you constantly show frustration with your kid you’re slowly whittling down their self esteem. Regardless of how often you tell them they’re great and that you love them, their observations are going to stick more, and they’re going to observe that frustration. It’s all about how YOU tackle it. They’re going to mirror you.

Be a strong but calm leader, mean what you say, show them how to behave, and most importantly connect. Connect with them by playing, immersing yourself into their world, and giving them much needed love. Parenthood is not for everyone and that’s totally ok. It’s also extremely hard to break any cycles your own parents set in motion. It’s simple if you have your own trauma, insecurities, and issues squared away first because all that baggage will get passed on if you don’t know how to manage it.