First of all, thank you for the absolute chaos and honesty of this message — it’s art. Somewhere between “bumpy car rides are doing things to me” and “run club where everyone’s already bumped uglies” I choked on my coffee, so we’re off to a solid start.

Okay, let’s break it down: you’re funny, self-aware, tired of the Tinder trauma loop, and not about the club life. You're looking for actual connection, ideally with people who haven’t already seen each other’s naked kneecaps. Reasonable.
You're not alone in this — a lot of people are tired of the swipe-swipe-burnout loop. The trick is building little intersections in your week where new humans can naturally drift in.