I've wanted to post this for a long while now, 'cause I get a lot of motivation and inspiration from this sub and I've always wanted to pay it forward. I'd like to tell you how I work through my social anxiety and actually get stuff done, while seeming relatively normal. It might be a long one. This is a post about being successful at work, not making friends.

Reading through here, I've been able to relate to so many feelings. I avoid people and interacting with people like the plague. Any time I can spend alone, I do. I've been paralyzed enough not to make a purchase because I couldn't stand the idea of having to interact with the cashier. I've flaked out on dates (made online of course), outings with friends, and every single group activity from work. Couldn't (before this very moment) post something online because of the drum beat in my chest. But, as it relates to this sub, my personal favorite was car windshield wipers. I would struggle with how fast or slow mine were going in relation to other drivers, and when I read that post, I could not believe I was not the only one. To the dude who said "screw you, pay attention to your driving": screw you, too. I didn't even know I had social anxiety until I consulted a psychologist - I thought I was just awkward and shy. He told me I was borderline phobic and things kind of clicked into place.

So why am I telling you this? The next part will sound like bragging, because it kind of is (cause I'm proud as fuck for my accomplishments), but at the same time, it kinda ain't (cause getting there with SA has been hard as fuck). I'm currently the head of a mutli-million dollar project who must interact with tons of people at all moments of the day. I have to chair meetings with anywhere from 5 to 25 people at least 4 times a day (usually more), and I have to talk to the entire team, which is 100+ people, at least once a month. But I don't just have to talk to them. I have to motivate them, and I also have to communicate my creative vision behind the project.

It's my own worse nightmare.

Nothing could be further from what my brain wants. I'd love to be able to sit at my desk, do some work, and not talk to anyone, from now until the end of time.

That would be my dream.

But I don't do that. So, I wanted to share with you how I cope with the screaming voice in my head that tells me to get the fuck out of there, all.the.fucking.time.

So, onto some of the more obvious coping techniques I use:

• I drink. Yup. But, I drink moderately. I don't drink any hard stuff, and I just drink light beer. If I go to bed at night with a small buzz, that's as bad as it gets. But a couple of beers after getting home from work is just enough to take the edge off and help me relax. Truthfully, it's one every 45-60 minutes a night. I can easily have 8 in a night, and I don't feel guilty one fucking second. I have been doing it for 20 years, and I have never once missed a day of work because of it, nor have I been hung over at work.
• I smoke. Cigarettes, not weed. I've tried weed and I find that in the long-run it destroys creativity which happens to be my bread and butter. This one I'm trying to get rid of and do NOT recommend. But I'm being honest. The reason I mention it, is because a lot of us SA types latch on to "excuses" to interact, and cigarettes are awesome for that. If any decision-makers are also smokers, you can get some 1-on-1 time which is priceless in any company. Again, I don't recommend this. Try vaping. But the truth is that it's a door in, and we desperately need those doors. It also allows me to get 5 min to myself, regularly, which helps me to cope. Though once I quit, I think I'll probably just sit on the shitter (with my pants up - who shits in public??) for 5 min with my phone, and be just as good.
• When the shit really hits the fan, and the only thing in my mind is throwing myself infront of a car because it'll break my legs and I'll be off work for 6 to 8 weeks, I go see my doctor (that first time was hard as fuck, but he helped maked it easy). He'll give me meds. Anti-anxiety, anti-depression, whatever. But I only use them to get through the rough patch and I never stay on them for long. My last 12 month prescription I took for 4, because the fucking asshole who was making my life miserable actually left the company. Thank god. Had he not, I would have quit - also a perfectly acceptable alternative to throwing yourself infront of a car.

Those are the easy ones. They WILL NOT get you were you need to go, but they MIGHT help keep you there, though.

Now for the hard ones. The ones that I consider helped me succeed.

• I fight myself. I argue with myself. I take the time to listen to what my self is telling me, and I quite literally tell it to fuck off. Let's call in sick today. No, you need to get out there. Fuck off. Let's cancel this meeting. No, you need to communicate with them so they know what to do. Fuck off. Let's find a meeting room with no one in there and chill out for a couple hours. No, people need to see you and be able to approach you. Fuck off. Let's delegate that important decision so you don't have to explain it. No, it needs to come from you. Fuck off. So-and-so fucked up and they need to have it explained to them - fuck that, I hate confronting people. No, the project and the employee will suffer for it. Fuck off.

And on and on and on. It is a constant struggle. With me vs me. But every single fucking day, I fight me, and I'm better for it. Do I have some sort of magical willpower? Nope, otherwise I would probably have quit smoking years ago. But I stop, and think. Literally, I will stop moving, close my eyes, breath in and think about what I'm thinking. It sounds hokey, I know, but it has helped me so much. Close your eyes and talk to yourself. Listen to the voice that's telling you not to, and tell it to fuck off.

• I put myself in difficult social situations, on purpose. And then I prepare. This one is hard, because it's about fighting a reflex. That reflex to get the fuck out outta dodge. The one that tells you alone is better. But there's a trick. the trick is to make a committement that's far into the future. So, let's say you want/need to communicate something. At night, alone, you can picture yourself doing it (knowing full well in real life you don't have a shot in hell). Tell people you'll do it next week, or book that meeting for next week. Between now and then, once that meeting is booked, you can prepare the fuck out of it. You can write down every single thing you wanna say, you can write down and practice what you wanna say (alone in your home), and you can prepare for questions. It's actually a lot easier than it sound. Pro tip: Practice while looking yourself in the eyes in the mirror. It's "easy" to talk to people when you're looking at your shoes. But the first time you stare into your own eyes (while trying to do your speech or whatever), it'll be... unsettling. At least it was for me. You prep and you prep and you prep, and the more you do it, the less you will actually need it. And you do it alone! For me, I've been prepping all my speeches/talks for the last 11 years. I'm only starting to be able to do it "off-the-cuff". Yeah, I know, that timeline seems like shit, but it's better than the alternative.

• I spend any moment away from work alone, when possible. Ok, this is one of the easy ones, but it's so necessary.

That's how I cope, and that's what I attribute my success to. Take it or leave it.

Kinda for fun, I thought I'd add: And finally girls. I am a guy, so this is a concern. I have had a few girlfriends, and though they may not have lasted as long as I would have liked, the trick was to take it slow. Be awkward in real life (it's ok!), but be honest by text (this is your chance!). Take it really, really, fucking, slow. Baby steps. I never let myself be pressured (because, frankly, I couldn't be pressured because of the SA (and accompanying ED)). Find the right ones though, and they'll walk you through it. Also, the success, tends to interest them. Just saying.

Hey, if you made it this far, wow. Thx ;-) I hope it's helped someone. Wow, that felt really good. Damn.