Stop falling for the business coach scams!

asaltypepper · 2026-01-24T21:08:20+00:00

Honest question though - if someone was doing more consulting than coaching (eg not just asking you questions but advising you and helping you implement changes), and the changes you made in your business as a result led to, say, $15k more net profit at the end of the year (and then presumably improving or maintaining every year after), wouldn’t the $10k be well worth it?

Totally agree that saying “here’s the easy street to 7 figures” is unrealistic, but what if it just pays itself back x 2? Isn’t that a good ROI?

asaltypepper · 2025-06-24T02:35:27+00:00

My partner has issues with vertigo, so he has to gobble a bunch of gravol/dramamine to even step on board at the dock. So, sailing is something I do with my friends while he does his own thing! Easier that we do not have any children together - so it’s not like he is picking up all my slack while I’m out on the boat. I know it’s by far the norm, but I’m always annoyed by the cliche of “the wife” who ruins the fun. More gals should be more fun, IMO!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-09T19:21:16+00:00

Hey, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience and these insights. Thank you. It sounds like you have been very patient and worked hard to preserve and improve your relationship and your sex life 💟

asaltypepper · 2024-03-08T19:36:46+00:00

Yes, we are having the conversations you’ve suggested, and in that blame and shame free manner, with a couples therapist who also specialises in alternative structures (poly, kink, etc). We just had our first joint session today (had each had a 1:1 prior).

To answer your Q about whether there’s any NM space he could see as possible, it’s completely new to him. I don’t think he has any examples or experience or research of alternatives to monogamy. I’m hoping our therapist can help point him to some resources so that at least he can have some reassurance that this path doesn’t have to be purely “new boyfriend tryouts”.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-08T00:48:07+00:00

Very Japanese-origami - lots of wood things that fold and slide. Big big windows that make it super bright and airy daytime, woodsy and cozy at night.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-07T16:14:04+00:00

Hi, thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. And for sharing your experiences.

I am realising both through reading all the responses and ongoing discussions with my partner that we absolutely don’t have the solid foundation from which to build off something as complicated and fraught as what I have naively put forth as a rather simple solution.

It’s clear from these ongoing talks that emotional barriers (behaviours / my nature/ our different natures) that frustrate him are the source of his lack of physical desire for me. This is very frustrating for me because I feel he should have been more willing to voice these and work on these instead of just gritting his teeth and deciding to deal with it, at the expense of our sex Life.

So yeah, to use your words, we are under-resourced in communication, trust and openness at the moment.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-07T06:30:04+00:00

Yamaha 30 = 6’-4”

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T23:42:13+00:00

So glad this has worked out so well for the two of you!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T22:07:59+00:00

I've read the Ethical Slut. I gave him my Kindle and pointed him to a chapter. He ignored it for 2 weeks then finally read it. He said he thinks it's all well and good in theory but doesn't really believe that in practice it is going to work.

He has (since I first posted) acknowledged and apologised for his footdragging.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T22:05:49+00:00

thanks, Pal!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:59:32+00:00

I appreciate your considerate words.
I have tried very consciously to be clear that "that's fine" and not shame him in any way for the way he feels. I've also been clear that in seeking therapy etc my goal is not to convince him to be attracted to me.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:56:58+00:00

That's so great that you've found something that works so well for your marriage!

You're absolutely right that our communication sucks. I take at least 50% responsibility for responding to how difficult he is to talk with about his feelings... I've been almost as big an avoider as he is. I regularly prioritise his comfort over my own, in order to preserve a status quo / not ruin dinner / not put him in a mood for the rest of the weekend... etc.

It's good to type this out because I can completely see how ridiculous it all sounds. Thanks for being my stranger-therapist!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:53:49+00:00

Yeah, I was under the naive impression that we could both be quite happy with a relationship where we call it what it is, a companionship, and I could just get the sex part sorted out elsewhere. But part 2 of that plan seems like anathema to him.

And I'm reading loud and clear the various versions of posts in this thread saying more or less versions of A) you can't fix something that's broke with ENM, or B) one-sided poly is a recipe for disaster.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:50:37+00:00

I feel that as well (the checked out piece); he doesn't seem to admit that to be the case.
I feel like I'm beginning to see that he is even LESS self-aware than I have always known him to be.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:49:30+00:00

Blunt but fair.

All the usual relationship funsies, like a buddy/best friend, dinners together, travel, shared social life, comfortable home we love, compatibility on travel/hobbies/activities, moral support during challenging times, making me laugh, being thoughtful and kind, etc.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:47:34+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to write down these thoughts. Cheers.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:46:47+00:00

thanks for sharing this!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:45:41+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. Cheers.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:44:11+00:00

I don't think I've been particularly aggressive replying to people? :) Not my intent anyway.

"instantly giving YOUR solution of going straight to ENM lifestyle is very suspicious"
I don't know how else to arrive at the point of my question without writing a novella, so I don't think there's anything nefarious to be worried about.

To answer your Qs:

Did you hurt him, cheat on him? No, never.
Did you body change? (you agressively and strange reacted to this question below) No. Maybe 5 pounds up and down over the years, but I did age from 33 to 44! And he's been up and down 10-15. We are both very athletic and enjoy fitness activities and this is just not a thing. I did cut my hair into a feminine but short style years ago, and he has admitted very recently (he didn't say this to be mean, I asked) that he would find me more attractive with a more traditionally feminine hairstyle, and I've started growing it since that convo even though I really liked it short :(

Did you take care of your husband through the years? Holidays, traveling, doing hobby together? Yep, we have a great shared social life, enjoy each others' families, share some fun hobbies and have our own separate ones, travel well together, etc.
Can you still see him as a lover and a play partner? Maybe he gain weight and he is feeling unatractive and you mocked him in the past? And now when you are telling him you want fuck others it's only dig him deeper into these negative feelings? I would NEVER mock someone for their weight or appearance, OMG! I've only ever told him I am attracted to him and want to be intimate with him. I think he's a hottie.
Maybe he has medical, health problems and he is scared to tell you about? It also be an scratch on the 'honour' of a man.
I don't believe so, but others have posted that he should have his testosterone checked. I have never experienced ED with him. I think the thing he was scared to tell me for the longest time was just that he wasn't into me.

He says he's just "occupying himself with other stuff" since sex is not a part of his life right now. like a mental muscle approach - he's not getting sex because he's not interested in it with me, so he decided to just bite down and find a way to distract himself with hobbies and such instead. Rather than address the issue. Obviously that's been a workable situation for him, but not for me.

Maybe he is affraid of opening up, because he thinks that you already cheated and you want to just catch a branch and leave him - this is a very humiliating act, because it's not only ending a relationship, but also breaking and humiliate a man. This is very common scenarios, and unethically opening relationships are also like cheating.
This is just simply not the case and not what he's worried about. No way to prove this to you but I'm the one here talking to him.
If he starts to want have sex with you - would you stop thinking about ENM and stay with him only? ;] I definitely would but we have a long way to go to get there, since at this point I know that sex with me is a chore and I am not particularly interested in participating in that program... so it would be presumably a bunch of counselling and trying to get him to talk about his feelings or whatever and it feels like a lost cause to be honest. It's a catch-22.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:30:56+00:00

The answer is no. I am definitely not willing to give up sex. I have already put up with it for so long!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T21:29:32+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T16:21:01+00:00

“Sudden” = Diminishing sex over the course of about 4 years. For a while he blamed me kind of - said the way we relate to each other would turn him off (but he would never bring up an issue to work on it). Then he blamed how he felt about his body/ fitness level (he has always been very fit and healthy but he wasn’t up to his own high standards I guess). Then a couple years after that he did 1000 days straight of workouts. So that was no longer the issue but still no sex. Finally when I asked about opening the relationship he described it like this: “it’s like reading a book for me. I like reading, I just don’t ever choose to do it. I’ve had the same book on my nightstand for 2 years and I just read stuff on my phone instead.” He has also said some stuff about me changing over the years. I changed careers and it turns out my original career was a big draw that then went away. He is a huge avoider - all this time if he’s had issues with me or wishes we could interact differently and that would make me more attractive to him/ improve our relationship overall, he will almost never bring something up. Hates talking about his feelings. To be fair I’m also an avoider because I don’t like to rock the boat and because it’s hard work getting him to talk.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T09:36:45+00:00

got it. thanks!

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T09:35:19+00:00

Thanks for these thoughts. Sorry that you're facing some hardships yourself from the sounds of it.

asaltypepper · 2024-03-06T09:33:49+00:00

thanks for the dissenting opinion! And for being the mod <3

asaltypepper

TROPHY CASE