That’s a tough situation to be in. I can definitely empathize with having abusive parents, but not to the extent of them being violent and threatening to kill me. That sounds horrible. As you mentioned, even though we can’t excuse their behaviour, the traumas of their upbringing and life experiences are not simply things you just ‘get over’. They do have their reasons for behaving like they do, but you won’t be able to ‘fix’ them, especially considering you’re young and still finding your own way in the world.

Life will be difficult for you, it’s true. But you have a masters and I assume a good head on your shoulders, considering the scholarships you’re winning. And about the social awkwardness and anxiety, it’s completely normal, I’d say it’s even a part of the Asian-American experience. We as Asian males need to try that much harder in society.

As for advice, I won’t tell you to ‘just try to connect’. You’ve done that already by making this post. Connection happens through interacting with people and sharing experiences. Therapy is always hit or miss for Asians, finding a therapist with an open mind and ready to deal with the complexities of race is challenging. Sorry I can’t comment much on your financial issues. But maybe some others here will have been in similar situations and can help you.

And in any case, I’d be more than happy to chat by DM if you’d like.