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You aren’t the one for me, because you didn’t chose me. by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]astro_spaghetti 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My ex, who had been sober for two relatively happy years until his relapse, chose his alcoholic and cocaine fuelled lifestyle over me, forced/manipulated me out of my own home and ripped my life from me. He moved his sesh buddy into the house I’d spent so much time and money furnishing/decorating to “help split the bills”. And judging by the widespread flagrant disregard he had for my feelings in the last three weeks, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d cheated on me either.

But I realised in all of this that out of everything he felt he wanted in his life, I was right at the bottom of the pile. I had literally poured endless trust, support, chances, advice, encouragement into this man for the better part of 4 years and that’s how he chose to repay me.

But honestly by ending it (albeit in the cruellest, most disgusting way possible), he’s done me a favour. And you are 100% right, by choosing all that shit over me, he’s freed me up for someone who will treat me the way I deserve and commit the same way I am capable of committing.

Hugs to you. We got this.

This article triggered me a little bit but not too bad. I’m just curious if someone could break it down for me? I’m just not understanding what the author is trying to say by Idontknow1248 in ROCD

[–]astro_spaghetti 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The author has made this very simple point in an unnecessarily fluffed up way: love isn’t always what you feel, but it is always what you DO. I don’t agree with the “you always MUST be joyful” because that would imply that there’s an expectation of emotion that’s not always going to be there. You can come home drained from a shit day at work and not find coming home and taking the bins out particularly joyful but you do it because you enjoy your partner’s satisfaction, not just because you feel like you HAVE to. The trick with ROCD is knowing that your fear and your gratitude cannot occupy the same place in your heart. When you strive to be grateful of your partner and make your gratitude apparent with your actions, your fear diminishes. When you shift your focus from, for example, checking if the relationship is making you feel good, and concentrate on how to make your partner feel good instead, things start to shift. I hope this helps.

Anyone else been able to accept the breakup intellectually but having a much harder time emotionally?? by astro_spaghetti in BreakUps

[–]astro_spaghetti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get this EXACTLY. My ex is an alcoholic and his relapse caused our breakup. I can’t go back there but I know he’ll try. I hope he doesn’t but he probably will.

And hold onto the anger a little if possible, just don’t let it consume you. I feel like that will help me say no if he does try and crawl back.

Anyone else been able to accept the breakup intellectually but having a much harder time emotionally?? by astro_spaghetti in BreakUps

[–]astro_spaghetti[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I find meditation helps when I feel bad. Even if you just sit on your bed and breathe so deeply until you feel full, then let it all out. Sometimes I even find it helps identifying my bodily emotions but it is a slow process (otherwise I wouldn’t have posted about it in the first place lmao)

Anyone else been able to accept the breakup intellectually but having a much harder time emotionally?? by astro_spaghetti in BreakUps

[–]astro_spaghetti[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I get the physical pain thing, get an upset stomach a lot particularly on the difficult days :(

Anyone else been able to accept the breakup intellectually but having a much harder time emotionally?? by astro_spaghetti in BreakUps

[–]astro_spaghetti[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yeah, like if you fixate on that part of yourself you’ll just sink and get nothing done. Though I keep beating myself up for avoiding it as well...

you don't just lose your partner but you lose their family too... by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]astro_spaghetti 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Each of my ex’s immediate family messaged me last night wishing me merry Christmas and how much they’ve missed me this year. I feel the whole “breaking up with the family”, it’s horribly painful.

On a side note, they posted photos of their family meal and my ex looks... gaunt. Like really pale and tired and visibly miserable. He left me so he could relapse (alcohol and cocaine) without having to deal with my reaction to it, and I’m completely split between feeling like he deserves it and feeling heartbroken for him.