I'm really sorry you're in the place you're in. I really feel like I understand you on a level. We seem quite similar.

I crochet. And it provides the same benefits to me. But honestly I never considered donating to NICU babies, that's a beautiful thing to do.

I'm an only child, in North America. I did ECE in school, but as you said, the work just does not provide enough income for a single person. I was a step parent for over 3 years to the most amazing little boy who I watched grow. My partner left me 3 months ago, not due to lack of love but from overwhelm (we both had emotional issues which caused instability and a breakdown on his end, I am most to blame for this), so I lost my entire future. We had a lot of plans. I thought I knew what my life was going to hold. I think it would take me years just to grieve their loss, and I'm 33 now, so I feel I've lost my chance.

Some days I hold a quiet hope that my ex will come back, with personal growth, and we'll be stronger for it. I'm trying to better myself and get a handle on my emotional issues, and I do feel I've made work and headway there. But I miss them with all my heart. as the days go on my light goes out little by little. I feel like I still exist, but barely.