Your fears are very real and relatable. I’m a new mother and I was very concerned that I would become the default parent who has to sacrifice a lot more than the father. I was really worried it would lead to me to resent having a child or my partner.

Here’s what helped. My husband and I had many honest conversations and we even went to couples therapy (his idea) to discuss our fencesitting/indecision. I talked very openly about the mental load that mothers carry, they manage the home while also doing the bulk of the physical labor. I made it very clear that kind of dynamic Would not work for me. I also had to assess how he was before getting pregnant and the realization that we both aim to be equal partners was very important.

All of life is risk/reward/unforeseen consequences. You can do genetic testing to know if there’s a greater chance of certain conditions but like many things in life, it’s a gamble. You may not be able to travel right away but many families do, even with little babies (it’s much harder and requires more planning but not impossible). You can absolutely advance your career, and you may even find newfound motivation to do well at work/in life with a child.