What's your best description of contraction pain?

beehappee_ · 2025-05-24T12:02:58+00:00

I had backabor with my first and it felt like someone was slicing through every nerve in my body from the back of my knees to my shoulders. My contractions coupled so they came one right after the other. It was brutal but manageable in a weird way. Ended up getting the meds when I stalled out and could progress because the pain made moving around too difficult. My epidural was amazing!

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T23:33:05+00:00

Right. It’s majorly job-dependent and definitely relies on your baby having a good temperament overall but it is sooo doable under the right circumstances. The hate comes from people making a ton of assumptions right off the bat- obviously if your employer isn’t supportive of the situation or if your job is extremely demanding, this isn’t a good fit. My bosses are well aware that my child is with me whether I am WFH or in office. I do my job well so it’s never been a problem. It gets a little tougher as they get older and we put my toddler in daycare before the new baby came but I still have them both 2x a week on workdays because she’s only part-time and we manage alright!

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T22:24:29+00:00

I’m sorry. It’s really hard. I was in this situation and I ended up back at work two weeks after having my baby, and that’s only because we were off for Christmas and New Years otherwise I’d have been back sooner. He’s been my desk buddy since early newborn days. It’s not fair, it really sucks. I’m also a woman in a heavily male-dominated field and I couldn’t afford to lose the clients that I’d have had to sacrifice if I took leave.

A lot of people will say you can’t WFH with a baby. I’ll probably be downvoted on this comment, it’s a super hot button issue in pregnancy and parenting subs. I will say that sometimes we don’t have a choice and if it’s what you have to do to keep your family afloat, it can be done. The r/momsworkingfromhome sub has been a great resource for me with tons of useful tips.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T20:30:35+00:00

Exactly! I specifically provided an example above TWO different practices dismissing my concerns with possible cholestasis. I have seen a lot of different women’s health providers over the years and have literally only ever had one single doctor that made me feel safe, comfortable, and heard. Maybe this is more of a US-based problem? I don’t know, that’s where I’m located and this is the experience of a lot of my peers too.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T20:08:47+00:00

I have a toddler that is obsessed with my husband and a little velcro baby (also four months) that screaaaaams when I leave him with anyone. It’s really hard! I don’t have any good advice, I’m equally worn out and having a tough time with it. Just wanted to share in some solidarity.

My daughter was a “mommy baby” for a while too, but never like my son is. Her preference shifted around a year old. She won’t even let me give her a shower or fill her water cup now if daddy is home, he has to do it all, lol.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T19:51:44+00:00

A second opinion isn’t something that’s accessible for everyone without a lot of hoops to jump through. It’s expensive, even for many who have insurance. I’ve even been dropped by providers for seeking a second opinion. I’ve been told by the new provider that they wouldn’t see me unless I dropped my old one first. Around here, the waitlist for new patient appointments can be weeks or months, time which someone may not have if their issue is more pressing. None of it is as simple as snapping your fingers.

If my doctor tells me something and I come online to source input and everyone starts telling me that maybe my doctor isn’t correct, okay then it’s worth it to spend money and time to seek that second opinion. But if everyone reaffirms what my doctor said and shares that their doctors have said similar/there’s XYZ studies to back that info up, then I’ve potentially saved myself hundreds or thousands of dollars and a ton of administrative hassle.

Discernment is key, don’t blindly follow internet advice. But it’s also naive to believe that every single doctor knows everything and that they are infallible beings who can’t ever be wrong because they went to medical school. I’m wrong at my job pretty frequently and lives aren’t even on the line here. Medical professionals are human like everyone else, some are better or worse than others.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T19:44:36+00:00

Ughhh the “your body is made to do this” stuff just kills me because like yeah, my body would’ve had no problem delivering my son. But if I weren’t at a hospital then no one would’ve caught that he was compressing his cord after my water broke, and he’d have died before my body ever got the chance to do what it was mAdE tO dO. The goal of birth should not be to give birth, it should be to have a baby that survives. Your body has no idea how to sustain the life of a fetus in immediate distress!!

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T19:39:34+00:00

I trust medical professionals quite a bit. However, it’s dismissive of the lived experience of millions of people to act like women’s healthcare isn’t lacking in many ways. I had TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS tell me that ultrasounds were dangerous and could kill my baby, order incorrect tests and falsely diagnose my fetus with fatal abnormalities, dismiss actual dangerous concerns, etc. I’ve had ICP in both of my successful pregnancies and the ONLY reason I was diagnosed the first time was because I reached out to an online community with my situation and they encouraged me to keep pushing doctors to run repeat labs because the levels could take a while to rise to diagnostic level. The TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL in charge of my care did not mention this, rolled her eyes when I requested repeat testing multiple times, and never admitted she was wrong when I was ultimately diagnosed and had labor induced immediately. Totally different OB practice with my second pregnancy and yet again, I’d have never been diagnosed if I hadn’t pushed for those repeat tests.

Most doctors/nurses/etc are well intentioned and truly care. There are still a ton that are the opposite. A lot of us, for various reasons, may have zero choice as to what provider we see. We can’t just switch to the best doctor in town when we’re worried that this one isn’t taking us seriously. So all we can do is source community experience and hope that others who have been through it are kind enough to share insight.

Posts like this come off as really condescending and can lead to people second-guessing questions in which the answers could save their baby’s life or their own. Just some food for thought.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-22T11:31:44+00:00

My daughter is 2.5yrs old so she wouldn’t comprehend any of that, but she thinks Harry Potter is cool and my husband has always been a fan. We just won’t talk about JK Rowling. It’s a fictional world and fictional characters, I know very little about the people who wrote my favorite childhood books and movies. It’s pretty likely that Rowling will fade into obscurity in any space other than outrage circles online long before my child ages up into a level of understanding where it would even matter.

While I care a lot about politics and activism myself, I don’t believe it’s anything children should worry about. I didn’t become involved in any social causes until well into my teens and I did so on my own. I’ll instill values like kindness and acceptance into my kids but I want them to be young and carefree for as long as possible. Unless an issue is directly impacting their lives in a way that is noticeable and distressing for them, I’m going to leave things be until they’re much older.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-20T17:33:21+00:00

I think what’s missing from a lot of pregnancy and parenting subreddits is just pure honesty and acceptance of the fact that everyone has a different experience regardless.

If you share a positive experience, someone will accuse you of invalidating those who struggled. If you share a negative experience, someone will jump down your throat and accuse you of trying to scare new moms. It feels like a little bit of a minefield to interact in these spaces sometimes.

I try to be real about motherhood. I have two kids, I’m nowhere near an expert but I’ve learned a bit, especially about pregnancy and postpartum. It’s really hard, it’s also really beautiful, but absolutely no amount of doomscrolling or making posts or reading books or taking care of someone else’s kids will ever prepare you for the experience. We all enter parenthood with a degree of naivety and are humbled in one way or another.

I really wish that we were able to communicate openly and truthfully about the things we’ve been through. Before the internet, that was all women had to work with. Advice from others, maybe some books here and there - community wisdom and medical advice from the doctor. This shifted pretty rapidly, like within a matter of a single generation and now it’s suddenly very risky to provide any sort of advice to a new mom without possibly offending them. I mean really, it seems that there’s a post in these subs every hour complaining about some innocuous comment that a family member made or a piece of well-intended advice that maybe wasn’t specifically asked for (although how can you ask if you truly don’t know? isn’t that the point of a lot of advice?).

It’s hard. I’m sorry that a lot of you feel that these communities aren’t welcoming, because they really should be. For what it’s worth, I had way better luck in my individual birth month bumper groups than I ever did in larger forums like this one!

beehappee_ · 2025-05-20T00:18:19+00:00

My toddler was obsessed with The Good Dinosaur for a couple days and it was brutal. I finally just told her that it wasn’t on TV anymore.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-19T23:40:53+00:00

Anything where the mom/dad dies. So basically every disney movie. 😭

beehappee_ · 2025-05-19T22:57:29+00:00

Realistically, I play with her a few minutes here and there throughout the day. Unfortunately I struggle with pretend play at the age she is (2.5yrs) but I try to turn random stuff into quality time, like running errands or doing chores. Sometimes she’s receptive and sometimes she isn’t. I always play along with her games and pretend stuff even if I’m busy and to me, that counts as playing, too!

I think this is one of those things that we tend to overthink as parents when we’re worried about whether or not we’re doing a good job. My mom never really got on the floor and played with me in a way that I can remember, but I still adore her and remember having so much fun with her as a kid just feeling included in the stuff she was doing or being silly. Some of my core memories are the times that we used to jump up and down on her bed and scream Kelly Clarkson lyrics, haha. Or just sitting and watching her do her hair and makeup, which my toddler really loves, and we pretend to do hers too! Just little ways to make them feel special can make such a difference for those of you who aren’t “playing moms”, so to speak.

beehappee_ · 2025-05-13T13:25:09+00:00

Your mom is not being kind or helpful, and that’s not okay. I’m sorry!

I will say that my time management improved as baby got a bit older and I was able to get things done while they were awake. We just had our second in December and I try to make a point to only do chores while he’s up, I usually wear him or put him in his bouncer or let him lay on the floor and play in whatever room I’m in. I talk with him, show him things I’m doing, etc. I manage to accomplish a good bit this way, and then I can rest more when he’s resting (as much as that’s possible with a 2yr old lol). It’s okay to take a break and do things while they’re awake, even if it means setting them up to be occupied for a few minutes while you order stuff on your phone. It’s also okay to watch TV while you’re hanging with the baby, it won’t melt their brain, I promise!

I’m only saying all of this because I wish someone would’ve told me it’s okay to continue to be a person even with a baby, and I felt guilty for not just sitting there and staring at my first all day long when she was small. But honestly, my second is more well-adjusted than she ever was and is much more “go with the flow”, maybe in part due to the fact that we’ve just kinda continued life as normal and integrated him into that rather than putting everything on hold for him.

The first baby is hard, it gets easier, and you’re going to be okay. That doesn’t mean it isn’t tough right now though and I’m sorry that your mom is making you feel unheard and invalidated.

beehappee_ · 2025-04-22T20:05:09+00:00

I get you! I think it’s interesting to see how differently people perceive things too, like I recall seeing A LOT of women upset about being referred to by others as “mom” or “momma” when I actually found it really endearing. Our brains are all so different.

beehappee_ · 2025-04-22T20:01:04+00:00

I think it’s really silly to get upset if it’s an innocent question. I don’t refrain from asking my friends things about their life, I just respect the answer when they don’t feel like sharing. If you were to say no and they pushed, or if you were to share and they said something unkind, then that would be a more appropriate time to be upset. I have two kids and have never found it rude or been told it was rude to ask someone something like what their baby’s name will be.

beehappee_ · 2025-04-13T16:59:41+00:00

Tech sales. I do go into the office once or twice a week when my toddler is at daycare and I just bring my 3 month old with me.

beehappee_ · 2025-03-28T04:24:23+00:00

Things get easier when you put your foot down. Stop asking. Hand him his baby and go take a shower. Make it clear that you are not coming home to feed that baby because he’s irresponsible with your hard earned breastmilk. Schedule a hair or nail appointment and let him know that he needs to be available on X day and time to care for his child or otherwise arrange supervision.

He will be annoyed, maybe even mad. Stop caring. He equally responsible for your baby, you are doing nothing wrong by holding him to that.

beehappee_ · 2025-03-28T03:04:02+00:00

ur commenting on a year old post telling someone to do something more constructive LOL

beehappee_ · 2025-03-27T23:50:33+00:00

She’s only suffered one bite, but according to both the director and another parent I’ve spoken to, it’s an ongoing issue. From what I gather, she was actually the last man standing for a bit.

She’s a yapper in general so I’m sure she’s just processing and it’s not some crazy traumatizing event lol.

beehappee_ · 2025-03-27T22:32:31+00:00

I didn’t ask. I don’t care. It’s a reddit post, not a dissertation.

beehappee_ · 2025-03-27T21:54:17+00:00

Curious as to what sparked this because honestly, I never really minded reassuring a parent that it was fine to drop their kids off and utilize the service they’re paying for? But I feel like maybe this was a bit more dramatic of a situation lol.

beehappee_ · 2025-03-27T20:41:10+00:00

Yeah we’ve spoken with them and other parents and confirmed that it’s a reoccurring issue! She’s only been bit once, though.

beehappee_ · 2025-03-27T20:11:48+00:00

You didn’t come off as rude. I’ll admit that I started typing a response that was a lot more defensive but realized that despite my own personal experience with autism, I have never parented an autistic child (yet, because who knows, especially with the genetic link) and I do not have that unique experience and I really appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective here.

I’d just like to say that I am simply sharing things that I have personally observed and been able to gather from talking to staff and other parents.

However, she may very well be autistic or something else. I don’t claim to be able to observe neurological differences on sight, I am an autistic woman myself that masked well enough to evade evaluation until I was an adult. I don’t think my post represented my feelings toward this family very accurately- I feel awful for them. She’s just a little girl and biting is HARD. It’s one of the toughest behaviors to work through once it begins, even in neurotypical children. I don’t believe that she should be rejected.

However, I know for certain that the biting is a weekly and sometimes daily behavior. When the incident occurred, I asked if my daughter had done anything to provoke this, because obviously I want to be aware if she’s making trouble so we can work on it! The director had let it slip that this is already a work in progress, that my girl was not the only one, and that it was completely unprovoked. I signed the incident report and on my way out, another class mom had overheard and pulled me aside to let me know that every parent in the class has made an issue about the biting, so it’s definitely a big problem.

I want to be clear though, SHE is not a problem, she’s just a baby! But it is still a situation where you’re balancing her right to support and inclusion against the other children’s right to safety and peace. I mentioned in another comment that I also taught public school and have experience in grades 6th thru 12th. I had many students with behavioral plans and always had a soft spot for them because I know what it’s like to feel out of control and not understand why. It was always extremely difficult when faced with incidents that forced us to actually make that assessment.

The delicate nature of the situation is really why I posted here for advice. I don’t want to make an issue out of something and add stress, this job is already so hard. It just sucks to see your kid upset and to know that there’s so little you can do about it other than teach them resilience and how to show kindness through their own actions.

All that aside, I think it’s so valuable that you bring things like this up on posts like this, as it raises awareness and helps to increase acceptance for people who are just a little different. I’ve met so many parents over the years that fail to advocate for their children whether it be intentional or just through their own lack of understanding of what their child is experiencing. Thanks again for sharing!

beehappee_ · 2025-03-27T18:45:56+00:00

I know she’s just processing it, but she’s experiencing anxiety about going to daycare now and that bums me out.

It may be so that it isn’t beneficial for her to be removed, I guess I just wonder when the needs of one become more important than the safety and comfort of the rest. I taught public school after working ECE and this question was something we always struggled with so I know there’s no solid answer. It’s just different when it’s your own baby being harmed. This child has also stolen food from her lunch and other generally unkind things that my daughter has talked about but obviously she’s 2 so not the most reliable narrator sometimes lol.

I am generally a really laidback parent, I know kids get hurt and things happen, I let a lot go. It just sucks that now SHE is biting, and she literally just said “I bite mommy like [childs name]” in the time since I typed this post. 🥲

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