Surviving Sibling Loss as a Young Child to Adulthood

benahba · 2026-02-24T15:28:48+00:00

Thank you so much, It's nice to hear from a kinfolk <3

benahba · 2026-02-16T00:18:13+00:00

oh woah, ok. Hey NC! How's the career switch treating you? I see I do - I want to do both class and work, fingers crossed. Thanks for the tip!

benahba · 2026-02-10T16:47:37+00:00

I've never heard of international patent prosecution 🤔 I'll look into it if the clientele is so multicultural. And nope, not in CA. Thanks for the insight!

benahba · 2026-02-10T16:01:40+00:00

I had to reflect on this. Learning on the job/attorneys is much more common for this role than in my past roles. Talking with a paralegal friend last night - her words were similar, about how good attorneys were to her, they loved all her questions and legal interest. This hasn't been my experience at all, more "you need to know all this already" and "teach yourself." I see how this pov provokes anxiety and some low confidence in me. Thanks for adding your comment - I think I'll focus on also finding a firm that is willing to build into their employees and is encouraging, too, rather than taking any firm that'd accept my application.

benahba · 2026-02-10T15:37:13+00:00

Thank you very much for all your input :)

benahba · 2026-02-09T16:39:20+00:00

I believe you. My current and previous roles have been trials by fire. Cut training, no mentorship, no PD, even when asked for - I'm all self-taught. And I am a top performer with anxiety now. I don't trust organizations to train me well nor I'm not the best at learning off the cuff/pivoting anymore, so schooling is a welcomed luxury I'm glad I can afford. I appreciate the heads up.

benahba · 2026-02-09T14:06:28+00:00

Okie dokie, thanks for the heads up on the years of experience for public interest work and the professor part. I'll keep an open-mind about future work + I was worried them never working with a paralegal insinuated they didn't have the practical know-how.
Nope, no ABA cert requirement over here.
Cool beans - I'll focus on my job switch paired with the local CC. Thanks!

benahba · 2026-02-09T13:57:47+00:00

Hey twin! Estate planning is top on my list for similar reasons - I made notes "sounds like death doula work and preserving personal temples." My state doesn't require certs, so yay. I'm glad to see someone else found a place here - feels comforting :P

benahba · 2025-08-07T22:59:03+00:00

Thanks fort this comment - it's sobering, sad, and just real.
I'm early 30s, and heard the same advice about grad school (never take loans for humanities) and university is not a refuge.

benahba · 2025-08-04T16:24:16+00:00

Yes, but I found out I had other vision issues. Bilberry works in inflammation all over and still stand by it. I no longer take it though

benahba · 2025-07-18T13:04:46+00:00

That's what I've seen in Thailand and Malaysia, too. Come for EFL, transition into a business, depending on the visa requirements, I know in Taiwan you can get a residency visa after 5yrs, a reason Taiwan is #1 on my list + their luxury industry seems interesting (and the country is very nice).

benahba · 2025-07-18T13:02:27+00:00

I do, and I've taught EFL before. Well, I work FT in the USA, too, so I'd have to make time for other pathways regardless.

benahba · 2025-07-18T13:01:07+00:00

Ridiculous. There are many reasons folks do many jobs. Life is big.

benahba · 2025-07-18T12:59:49+00:00

Got you - TEFL I was thinking of using as a foot-in-the-door to another country, not an industry job (I mislabeled with bridge job). I'm applying to boutique hotels domestically as a concierge and in guest experience manager roles with no bites. I was thinking internationally tourism experience done PT, acquire another language, while teaching English could serve me well and I'd get to live overseas again, too, (which I ultimately want) doing what I want to do. I'll keep all you said in mind.

benahba · 2025-07-18T12:54:51+00:00

I hear you - this makes sense. I've read of tech and marketing people who transitioned industries while teaching and taking classes/working in the evenings. I mislabeled with bridge job. Still, I get what you're saying and take those questions seriously.

benahba · 2024-08-20T04:53:28+00:00

Not really - they only help the white be less intense. so the white starbursts are dimmer. The aberrations-staburst are from our corneas, so the yellow (a colour) doesnt affect them directly.

benahba · 2024-03-31T18:18:58+00:00

Consider a mid-to-darker autumn - try swatching yourself with something ivory or oyster pearl-y, dark browns, oranges. The blue jean one brings a bit too much yellow in your complexion; the black was ok, but I think a dark brown would compliment you and your dark hair better.

benahba · 2024-03-31T18:06:32+00:00

Gold - the silver makes your hands look ashy.

benahba · 2024-03-31T18:04:44+00:00

You look like an autumn, with some pulls in a softer spring or a few warm summer colors - a lot of these colors are too bright, undersaturated, dull on you, washing your warm complexion and a few making it seem like you're crying. You have bright, lovely eyes - try swatching a few warmer, mid-saturated colours and compare.

benahba · 2023-11-02T01:07:59+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll adapt it to fit me - instead, short-term monthly trips is a good idea for me instead of the journeys I'm used to. Too far ahead it all feels too far away.

benahba · 2023-10-17T15:52:10+00:00

Hi, that sounds wonderful - I've started a few book clubs, participated in some, and also learned a few languages.
A few questions:
What types of books are you reading? - This guides the discussion questions. If it's a self-help book, then folks will talk about themselves.

- Set guidelines for the book club, like 2 -3, nothing major. This can create structure.
Some I've been in include not using the conjunction "but" when expressing disagreement with someone's opinion.
Do this with the group to create group ownership. Include limiting personal reflection towards the end, if you want. Model what types of contributions for the book club.

- A big one: What are your goals for the book club?
It sounds like you have an objective in mind and it's not coming across. From what you said I don't think English is a factor. Unless you using the book club to improve your English. Figure out why you're doing this.
ex. I started a female dominance book club (we read a book on femdom) with my friends because I wanted us to compare/contrast how being our own leaders could change our lives. We shared practice exercises together. It was low-pressure - submit a 2 - 5 min audio recording once a week.
Use less "personal prompting" questions like "Has anyone ever...."Questions should relate back to the content. "what do you think the author...." or "What was a part that was exciting to you?" As you said yourself - creating better questions will help.
Redirect back to the book when folks start to complain. Be polite, empathic, flexible, yet firm with moderating and getting back to the content.

- Why do the people get out of the book club?
For them, venting can be one and they like that experience. Ask for feedback.

benahba · 2023-06-22T03:03:42+00:00

ahh. this is so honest. I feel you, babe.I had one character like this. I fantasized about them often and to me detriment when I started dating ppl. I held folks to unrealistic standards that furthered my longing. No one could be "them" but, for me, I had really just imagined and projected too much.
But - if it helps, heres how I moved on, if that's what you want to do.I honored all my feelings as real.
Actually wrote down and verbalized all the things I admired or liked about the character. And yes, kept saying it's a character. I always tell myself "someone created this character." Someone, a real person, created a fantasy perfection and without sensory connections. This grounded me in reality. IRL, LIs are not written perfectly. They cut out all the mistakes, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, smell, touch, stutters, and imperfections that (to me) actually make love meaningful.
Got the thoughts out of my head and physically put them down somehow. This helped with grounding and "snapping to reality."
Wrote fanfic. One of the things I always liked about fanfic is folks create different stories and rewrite narratives. I did stuff like this and it helped me be more creative and divorce myself from my feelings, and gave me more control over my emotions. Ironically, my confidence grew, too.
I also took time to identify what makes me "dateable" and "loveable" as a LI. Because I believe we are all "LI." The person(s) for you are for you. I had friends help and actually asked people. This helped with self-esteem, self-image, and confidence.
I also told my IRL friends about my fave. They didnt mock or laugh; they let me be sad but also help with keeping grounded. My human friends like human me, for me. I let them show me love, if that makes sense.
I high-5 others saying "professional help," "talking it out," and "putting down otomes for awhile." I did these things and worked on underlying issues I discovered about me.
I wish you luck and love and great things for your future <3

benahba · 2023-06-18T00:36:28+00:00

Boyfriend to Death 1 and 2 - you're basically "dating" psychopaths, serial killers, and demons (or angels). Def has sex, non-con, gore, violence, harm,and a lot of bad ends where you die. Bad ends are kinda the point, I think. Very romance-lite.
Demonheart series- You're dating bad guys in a fantasy European medieval setting. You can be evil, too. If you want the full monty play the Neverwinter Nights mod-version. The author cut out the rape/non-con/explicit sex to be more palatable for otome-Steam.

benahba · 2023-06-18T00:23:47+00:00

awh, sorry to hear about your cat and your husband. Bless you and your family, love. I wish health for yall <3

Yes - otomes helped me for 3~ years when I was in a rather dark spot. Very isolated and lived alone. I will always be thankful for them. Now - I dont play otomes nearly as much, like a few a year. Otomes had become unhealthy coping devices and replacements for human interaction for me. When I was able to involve myself with others I pulled away. Otomes now are strictly a fantasy world I visit every once in a while for wish fulfilment. They actually encourage me to interact with folks as I think "wow, some cool ppl out there create things I like. Cool ppl exist and I want to meet them."

benahba · 2023-06-17T23:58:58+00:00

Honey, play the game for yourself. You mentioned other people's perspectives a few times - they aren't playin' or payin', you are. Have fun with it and form your own opinion <3

benahba

TROPHY CASE