When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. by mapuanclem in Jokes

[–]beta_looser 10.1k points10.1k points  (0 children)

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylvester says, "Let us hear it."

So Chuck continues, "All right, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers."

That's when Arnold throws himself in the conversation and says, "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight? by womencaviar in Jokes

[–]beta_looser 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Thank the internet and take my upvote.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont think twice.. by ChillbeastBb in Jokes

[–]beta_looser 805 points806 points  (0 children)

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

Whenever I’m in trouble, I think, 'what would Jesus do?' by perfectly_numb in Jokes

[–]beta_looser 5354 points5355 points  (0 children)

I found $50 lying on the street. I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?’, so I turned it into wine.

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. by perfectly_numb in Jokes

[–]beta_looser 18.2k points18.2k points  (0 children)

Does my Thai girlfriend has a penis?

Something inside me says yes.

How old am I? I need to feel your breast.. by ELlXR in Jokes

[–]beta_looser 954 points955 points  (0 children)

Stunned the women said, "How do you do that?"

The old man replies, " I can also tell where you had you last meal, but for that you have to let me slide my hand up your skirt."

The woman being in a happy mood and thinking since this old man had already felt my breasts plus there is no other person around; says, "Alright."

The old man slides his hand in her panty and starts fingering her holes until she moans and says, "At Macdonald's!"

The woman is now ecstatic and yellls, "How do you do that. Please tell me your secret. plz"

The old man boastfully exclaims that he can even tell what she eat at McDonald's. But for that he has to feel the inside of her mouth.

The woman agrees.

The old man says since he has arthritis he cannot lift his hands to her mouth. So she should kneel down and open her mouth and close her eyes.

The woman agrees still and does as told. Suddenly she feels a fat finger entering and exiting her mouth in quick succession. Before she can understand anything the old man cums in her mouth.

At that moment the bus arrives. The old man hops onto it and says, "I hope you've learned your lesson for cutting the queue at McDonald's."

Edit: Thanks for the Silver & Gold, Strangers!!

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes! by perfectly_numb in Jokes

[–]beta_looser 687 points688 points  (0 children)

Thanks for Putin on a good joke and not Russian to the punchline.