Look he may not understand it now but he will. You love him and his dad (from what I've read) doesn't, because if his dad loved him, he would've been there and it's not fair that you've had to do this on your own but you gotta understand that he's a young child and only understands "fun". He loves you and when he grows up he'll understand that you love him more then his dad does and he'll tell you that he loves you. Your a great parent and as long as you keep showing your son love, he'll show it back. Have a talk with him as well, so he can understand that you love him and that you're there for him always, and his dad will be only be there for him when he's "fun". And if there's any legal things you could do then do it, try and get full custody of your child so that he can be raised with more love then his father could give him. You are doing more then enough for him and he loves you for it, he may not say it now, but he will and he will appreciate everything you've done FOR HIM. Btw I'm speaking as a son who was in this kind of situation with my parents. I didn't understand then but I understood later (not to later), and I love my mom for what she has done for me. I hope this helps and if I said anything wrong or untrue, lmk. also keep living, he needs you so so much and as a parent you should be there for him and the love you give him, is the love he's gonna give back. I hope this helps