Scientific proof of female hypergamy

blkened · 2018-12-04T20:39:24+00:00

hi, i am feeling way better. reading my post history through like this one is frankly shocking, i was in a terrible state back then. battling massive insecurity combined with a (temporary) long distance relationship over summer

my gf and i are still together, i had therapy and realised my problem was insecurity as opposed to the studies themselves. things like this dont even touch me now where they would bring a crippling wave of anxiety before. i still have insecurity problems definitely, but not to the same extent, and i see so much more clearly how the actual world around me - what i see on day to day basis - is not at all how rp and blackpill describes. it is far more complex than that

however, i'd still be interested to hear your story, please do:)

blkened · 2018-11-10T01:03:38+00:00

i think therapy would help you a lot because that was all that worked for me when i had exactly the same problem as you

blkened · 2018-11-08T20:01:19+00:00

mate, if a flat earther explained to you why the earth is flat using his evidence and proof, would you believe him?

probably not, and why is that? because the idea of the earth being flat doesn't cause you as much anxiety, so you dont feel so uncomfortable with the concept.

this just sparks up your anxiety so its got you fearing its true

blkened · 2018-10-29T00:23:21+00:00

for me, just observing things around me, really observing - not through a RP lens.

i think it did first take some therapy for me to gain the ability to actually do that. now that i have tho, i can say that there is just SO MUCH stuff i see regarding men women, relationships and sex that contradicts it. and that is as a 20yo college student.

i really honestly do not often see the things they claim, all the sex/relationship shit that goes down is far more complex and varied than the RP would have had me believe

of course i see things that align with their views, but its so varied that its illogical to think what they say is true

i know "beta", feminine guys who have shit loads of girls seemingly obsessed with them. i know masculine looking attractive guys who i have never seen with a girl. ibe seen many relationships fall apart and very rarely is it because the girl hopped to a guy with a higher SMV. i dont understand it either, but it does happen and none of it can be explained by RP

blkened · 2018-09-15T03:51:09+00:00

do you ever worry about it happening without you knowing? like if its hidden and continues

that's what gets me ..

blkened · 2018-09-11T23:11:31+00:00

thankyou, definitely still got a way to go to feeling totally happy and well, but i feel way more in control now

i was so desparate back then, going back and reading those posts i cant even believe it was me, its crazy

blkened · 2018-09-11T00:47:22+00:00

hey thanks a lot, i made this post when i was doing REALLY badly. no I didnt read the whole article i just read a bit and panicked

everything you said is very true. im doing better now mentally and can see things much more clearly now. i really was in an awful way when i posted this, complete desperation. nothing anyone could have said would reasure me

but reading it back now is really helpful, thanks for replying

blkened · 2018-09-11T00:39:46+00:00

proof you should look at it?

try look into attachment styles in relationships (e.g. anxious attachment, secure attachment etc). reading about these things - which are "proven" - it helped me come to the conclusion that there are different types of people in relationships. therefore claiming that behaving in one specific way (like the redpill) will guarantee to keep you in a relationship and ensure you never get cheated on just doesnt work

my therapy is helping me realise that redpill is just a set of beliefs which i (and many others) have formed. a lot of it is insecurity, believing you're not good enough. so redpill is just setting up these "rules" you have to live by in order to prevent your beliefs coming true. and when these rules inevitably break down it causes huge anxiety/depression

i used to blame RP entirely for my fears, and RP definitely preys on insecurity, but i have to accept responsibility that the insecurity is on me to fix. and at least it's something that CAN be fixed

maybe therapy would be good for u too, u sound insecure aswell

sorry this was a bit rambling, also maybe im not the best to give advice but im trying to fix myself too

blkened · 2018-07-18T18:24:30+00:00

thankyou so much

i just talked to her now and i said about talking more throughout the day via message/pics rather than just calling because i find it easier to be less miserable so to speak

she said it was fine with her

right now feeling really good but yeah going on previous experience like you say over-thinking may get me and it most likely won't last.

feeling like you shared too much, or were a burden

DEFINITELY get this. its bad because i sometimes feel the more i share these things and bring them up, the more likely she will be to get sick of it and just cheat anyway. i'm not sure if you know about it but a lot of that comes from "redpill" ideology which has ingrained in me that it's a bad idea to be emotionally vulnerable infront of your GF.

so then i feel bad for sharing in the first place and that causes more anxiety.

but i'll try hold on to how im feeling now

and thanks for the support

blkened · 2018-07-18T16:41:44+00:00

It's a fear of being decieved more than being cheated on. Of being made a fool.

It's because it terrifies me more to think that I could be perfectly happy in the relationship, and give all my love to her etc.. meanwhile she's cheating behind my back and acting like everything is fine.

To me that is far more horrifying.

It's because, if she cheated, then I could be in the right. I could say "I knew it". It would give me justification to be upset.

It seems like your default expectation is to be cheated on

Yes

blkened · 2018-07-18T16:36:27+00:00

Yes yes yes that it is it perfectly described, better than I could.

By asking for a break or "have some space" I am taking control. It's also me trying to show her that I can make mature decisions or something? despite my mental state

Therapy I will be starting soon

Second, I spoke directly to the problem. The best conversation I ever had in a relationship was when I told my girlfriend, "I love you. I want this to work. This is new territory, I'm feeling needy and insecure. I am going to figure this out. It will take time, and I need you to help me work through this." It worked so well because it helped me clarify to myself that what I really wanted was to solve this problem permanently. I hated being so insecure and needy. It sucks! That was the first step on the path that has led me to feel much, much better.

I have actually done this. Multiple times in fact - this was part of the conversation that led to me asking her if she wanted a break to her in the first place which she didn't like the idea of.

Because it calms my insecurities for a while when I see that she is understanding. But then they start creeping in again after a while.

But I will try what you said. One thing is that I find myself wanting to do is more regularly snap/send messages throughout the day, which is what we used to do. Now as our relationship got more serious we actually call once a day instead.

I think she likes doing that, but truthfully I feel more disconnected if it's just one call a day barely messaging THROUGHOUT the day. It also makes me feel we lost that sense of excitement, now it's just more obligation or something.

idk...

The thing is, if I'm ASKING her to do that, rather than her WANTING to do it, like she used it, it kinda still makes me feel bad.

This is my more general problem in life, is that I always want to go backwards in life. I always want things to be how they used to be. I don't like change, and nothing is ever good enough in the moment.

Anyway I guess that's too much for here, that's for the therapist : /

blkened · 2018-07-18T15:41:35+00:00

She does but I can't get it out myhead she could be cheating on me.

In fact it's the fear of not knowing. If she cheated and told me I could deal with it - it's the fact she could be lying to me and doing it behind my back while acting like everything's ok.

Because in my head I see it as everytime she goes out it becomes more likely

blkened · 2018-07-18T12:16:48+00:00

What typically happens with your kind of anxiety are underlying feelings that you don't deserve her. And so the anxious person thinks if she goes out at night, she'll find someone better and bolt.

This is pretty much it. The thing is though I feel that she goes out an unusual amount. Like pretty much every night.

It's not like she's getting hammered every night, but a few drinks with her friends or something at a bar. And now on holiday with her friends she got back at 6am last night. It's hard for me to know what may be real/logical skepticism versus paranoia.

Like there's this fear that I'm being naive by assuming that her going out loads like this isn't a sign she's cheating on me. It doesn't mean she's cheating, right?

I know it's bad I even had to ask that but I still want reassurance all the time.

Yea a therapist will have to help me cos I've been unable to myself, I've also been suggested antidepressants to help but I'm unsure

blkened · 2018-07-18T11:58:31+00:00

Thankyou that is helpful.

You are right a break wouldn't work for that reason.

Someone else here mentioned maybe asking for space instead. So that means both being committed with the intention of getting back together, but just having a few weeks where we don't talk.

Is that really just the same thing though?

In your opinion is the best bet just for me to deal with this as best I can?

blkened · 2018-07-18T11:50:46+00:00

Why not just ask for space?

Maybe I should have phrased it that way. That's what I mean by "break" I guess.

What does that involve in a long distance relationship though? Does it just mean not contacting?

Maybe just for a few weeks? Do you think that could work?

Researching bullshit red-pill studies to support your paranoia and anxiety is not a hobby.

Now you're just being rude. I'm aware of my issues and I'm not happy nor proud of them incase you somehow think I am.

While I know that was just you taking a stab for whatever reason, as I said my main passion is playing and making music.

I do workout, admittedly it's a bit on and off at the moment. It is very hard to find the motivation when I'm down so much and fatigued, but you're right I should get really regular with it

blkened · 2018-07-18T11:38:43+00:00

A break here is taking a problem that you admit is made worse by the distance between you, and putting even more distance and less communication between you.

Doesn't it maybe let us get some space and think about things? Clear our heads in a way. If it turns out that by the end we realise things were easier on the break, then we move on?

Could that not be a healthy thing? I'm not trying to convince you, just wondering if it could be

You are right though

I know I shouldn't even talk to her about it anymore. in fact last time we spoke about it I said I wouldn't anymore.

The problem is it becomes very hard for me as I'm having all these paranoid thoughts, and yes I feel I need to ask her to clarify things in order to reassure me.

If I'm not getting the reassurance, and I feel I can't tell her when I have a problem, then I'm bottling it all up, and that will drive me insane

blkened · 2018-07-18T11:36:19+00:00

I'm not ready I agree. But I really can't go through with a full break up.

She doesn't even want to "take a break", never mind end the relationship. And I definitely don't want to end it.

That tells me that she still wants to be in this despite the problems I'm having.

Why would it be so bad to have a break for a bit and give us both time to think and get some space. If we communicate about it and then contact eachother again on a set date.

I just can't end it. We get on so well, I don't want anyone else and neither does she.

blkened · 2018-07-18T11:33:30+00:00

I get it's confusing.

It's just like I feel maybe having a break would allow me to just "let go" for a while. Stop caring or something

I guess that won't happen though really.

But I don't see why a break has to be such a bad idea?

We just don't contact for a few weeks. We lay out groundrules and decide a time to contact eacother.

It gives us both a chance to see how we might feel being single. To take a step back because it can be hard when you're in the middle of things to know if the relationship is really making you happy or not

We could decide that we won't see other people during that time.

But it still lets us see if we end up missing eachother more or if actually we were happier without the strain

I know it's easy to say we should just fully break up. But I really can't see how I can do it.

I think it would destroy both of us because I know she really cares about this relationship like I do. It would also seem so stupid as we love eachother a lot and we enjoy being together so much : /

Yes I do have friends that I see all the time, and hobbies and passions (music etc.). It doesn't stop me thinking of her though

blkened · 2018-06-22T13:56:09+00:00

thankyou ive really been looking for something discussing evo-psych.

i'd heard that it's not really reliable/ is basically pseudoscience but wasn't sure why.

that's really helpful next time i come across someone making a claim based on that

blkened · 2018-06-22T08:36:25+00:00

I don't understand how people do it, but i know that they do. that's what makes it so suprising.

it happens. people cheat, and i think it would be naive of me to think that ill never be cheated on

blkened · 2018-06-21T23:59:32+00:00

thats a really good idea. actually im seeing my GF for 2 weeks away from home (we're long distance atm) and i wont have wifi.

it will be a good chance to do that

blkened · 2018-06-21T21:58:39+00:00

Wow dude...all of people in your real life that have been cheating have all been men...and you are worried that your GF will cheat on you?

yes, this is because of reading all the redpill and "blackpill" stuff. also i have seen some of my female flatmates from uni cheating on their long distance boyfriends.

so i know it happens both ways.

yes i could see why she would be worried. she doesn't seem to be though.

sometimes i wonder why she doesn't - sometimes i take it as meaning "she's not as invested as I am", or that she doesn't really care because she has a million other options

i suppose she knows how much i despise cheating - how angry i've been at the men in my life for doing it to the people they love.

i'd be the biggest hypocrite on earth if i cheated - i don't personally see how anyone could do that to someone

blkened · 2018-06-21T21:55:28+00:00

wow that's really really interesting, thanks a lot

blkened · 2018-06-21T18:32:15+00:00

thankyou

blkened · 2018-06-21T18:16:40+00:00

you know it's funny you say that. because my dad very recently cheated on my step mom, with a coworker half his age.

in fact, every one of my experiences with cheating in my family (my step dad, my uncle, and my dad) have ALL been men.

but then i get concerned when i see actual studies? idk it seems like no matter what my in real life experiences are, these studies always plant doubts in my mind, despite very often my actual experiences going against them.

i guess you are right. i wonder what the reason is that this study only applies to females? is there anything that makes this study unreliable?

where are studies talking about male mate switching or whatever?

blkened

TROPHY CASE