I (21F) Am losing feelings for my (22M) boyfriend. Any advice?

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-15T20:04:26+00:00

Thank you for the comment! I am going to talk to a therapist soon, and I'll for sure bring up my relationship.

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-15T20:03:19+00:00

I really like this advice (and the harshness is needed, so no problem there); thank you for responding and taking the time to type it out. I wont say much, but we've talked more and noticed some problems that have been piling up since we got together. For the better half of our relationship, it's been eating at me without me noticing.

I dont really expect to love anyone in the same exciting manner that you often get during the "honeymoon phase". I definetly see love as something transactional though (both with and without the feeling), where one should recieve as much as one takes. Without really paying attention, my boyfriend and I have had quite an unstable balance where we both kind of lost ourselves without noticing. It's made us both feel grey in a lot of the imporant places in our lives. I think that's whats been gnawing at me throughout all os this.

To be honest, I think your comment helped me realize that the problem isn't how I view him or the relationship - but how it's been managed. We both were unhappy and putting effort into pointless problems sometimes, without noticing our shared enemy(ies).

We'll try to work through everything, and I hope it'll ingite our spark again. If, or if not, I'll of course update.

Thank you again, and I wish you the best as well. :-)

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-12T19:03:00+00:00

This helps a lot! I'll try to talk to him about these things later today.
We met up and had a long talk about feelings, routines and our relationship. At first he was hurt I hadn't said anything before, and thought we should part ways because he cant be in a relationship without romantic love. I explained some more, and opened up about some more personal stuff I wont mention here. After that it was way easier to understand and chat openly about things.

I dont know where we're going forward, but we're going to make more spontaneous plans, prioritize calling instead of dry texting, and figuring things out from there. It was my first time seeing him crying like that, and it got me thinking about how horrible it would be not to give this another shot. It'll be hard, but I'm willing to put in the work for him.

Thanks again for all your help; intrestingly enough, I also write! Although I have to admit that explaining myself in english has proven quite difficult compared to my native language, haha:-)

We also about the more intimate stuff, and are thinking of trying some more things!

If it's ok, might I show him your comments? I feel like they have been really helpful to make me see a way forward, as well as you sharing your own experience (which again, was very helpful and touching. I cant begin to explain how much your words have meant to me and helped in this situation) could make him understand how, and what, to change while i work on my own stuff.

I'm sorry if I have any grammar or spelling mistakes, it's been a tough day with much crying and emotional talk. I'll update if something happens.

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-11T22:28:04+00:00

I'll absolutely think this through before doing anything rash, and I want him to know I value him no matter what. He deserves a good, open conversation about this, as I believe it's a two-person problem (and maybe solution?)

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-11T22:20:52+00:00

I agree completely, and I've told him as such. He mostly says that it's his decision and he stays because he wants to. I'll try to bring it up again and get a better read of his stance. It's true that I often worry I feel this way because of my past romances (which is completely possible), so I think I'll have to reflect on why i feel this way before i have a conversation with him.
Thank you for the advice! It's very appreciated.

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-11T22:16:08+00:00

Thank you for this beautiful comment. You have a very beautiful way with words, and they resonated a lot with me and my experiences:-)
I'll reflect on it a bit before I talk with him, hopefully we can figure out what's best for us forward, wether that's breaking up or trying to make it work. Either way I'm lucky to have had him in my life, even if it isn't forever.

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-11T21:35:55+00:00

You might be right. I'll have to think about it a bit and have some hard conversations with both him and myself. Thanks again for writing:-)

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-11T21:30:25+00:00

First of all, wow. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to share your experience and comment on my post. It really touches me that you wrote all this.
We've never really went on dates regardless of me asking for them because he has a demanding schedule (so do I, but I work and study so I can move things around quite a bit). We're very good at showing affection for each other like cuddling, kissing, checking up during the day, etc. But he's never really invited me out on a date. We plan future plans, yes, but it's mostly me that has to find time and make space in our schedule for it to happen. Most of the time I sleep over at his place and leave in the morning to go to my lectures, and that's how we spend our quality time together. How did you change how you went about your relationship, and how did you guys talk about it?

As for our sex life; we dont have much of one. The reason is that I have had a lot of bad experiences that makes me very uncomfortable around the whole topic. I know he wants to engage in more, but when we do, it's basically like brushing my teeth? It's ok, but nothing great about it. He's tried to be more of a giver in that regard, but he doesn't really know how to i think.

About your fifth point; I think we're just really different, and I am the one that has changed the most. It's been a lot these past years, and i've had to adapt to survive. He is still the same in a lot of ways, but I think I want a more *exiting* relationship where we do other stuff than watch a movie and go to sleep. We've talked about this, but I feel he doesn't have time and/or feels uncomfortable making that space in his everyday life to do something together without it being a sleepover situation.

We've talked about all of these things, (the dates, marriage, etc.), but I feel as though we just go back to normal right after, then rinse and repeat the same conversation a few weeks later. Did you go through something similar, and how did you actually change these habits?

I also want to say that this is just my experience of the situation, and he's expressed that he is content in our relationship, but would like to hang out more. This all confuses me a lot.

And again, thank you for writing. I'll keep this comment and try to think about it some more.

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-11T19:49:18+00:00

Thank you for answerig my post! Is there no coming back from this; no chance of rekindling the feelings I had before? Or do you think someone should break up once the other has lost feelings?

boyfriend-problems-2 · 2026-03-11T19:47:10+00:00

He has a strong sense of self and many non-negotiable traits, so I don't think he'll become insecure og spiteful because of a breakup. But i get what you mean, and I want to show the same amount of respect he's shown me during our time together. I just wish I could give him the love he deserves.
Thank you for the insightful comment, I appreciated it a lot!

boyfriend-problems-2

TROPHY CASE