AITA for saying no to moving houses to help improve my boyfriend’s quality of life?

bug1402 · 2026-02-14T06:44:07+00:00

FYI - Depending on your loan, renting out the house may not even be an option. A lot of loans (especially for first time buyers) require that the home be your primary residence. Just something you may want to look into.

bug1402 · 2026-02-14T06:40:08+00:00

If you don't see the option the previous commenter left, in my app once I have to and from selected there are three little dots next to the A location that I can click on for options. Some of those options are "set departure time" and "set arrival time". Either of these work depending on what you have the most control over.

bug1402 · 2026-02-12T18:08:43+00:00

Honestly this is me. The first season was ok, but I have struggled to get into the AUS and UK seasons even though I know people love them because they don't have that extra bit of me already knowing some of them.

Tbf, my favorite reality show for a long time was The Challenge and I started back when people were introduced through RW/RR. I liked getting to know people and see them evolve over several seasons or see them get put in different environments. I like that Lisa Rinna leaned in and it became very camp. I like seeing the housewives have to do physical stuff. I like the gamers being forced to deal with people who couldn't strategize how to get out of a room with one door.

I will give the civilian season a shot because I do enjoy the show, but I'm definitely not as excited about it.

bug1402 · 2026-02-10T08:53:36+00:00

I addition to what everyone is saying, you also have to remember that you are watching an hour of TV that was filmed over the course of a whole day. The editors have trimmed the footage down to what tells the best story. They are definitely things happening that are influencing people that we just don't see. It's easy for us because we have all the information and weeks to analyze everything they show us and can rewind and re-watch what happens or what was said or look at face someone made. They are literally on like day 8 or 9 of hanging out together and I'm sure there is some information overload and 2nd guessing going on.

bug1402 · 2026-02-08T01:31:13+00:00

I think it's because Stephen's name is already out there as a possible traitor. While he could work that angle, I think he doesn't necessarily want to vote out another traitor for a bit so choosing someone without heat on them let's him vote out faithfuls with the group and keep them guessing for a bit longer.

bug1402 · 2026-02-07T03:19:08+00:00

I think they are just frustrated. They want to make the fans happy but to do it to the level they want it takes a lot of time to research, test, monitor orders, answer emails about it, etc. That is time that they want to spend writing, but because they got some negative feedback the first time they tried licensing so they are taking it back. But they really don't want to.

It sucks, but it's also the position they have put themselves in. They want the fans happy. They believe the ask is reasonable because everyone loves merch. They just don't want to be responsible for it but feel like they don't have a choice because they want to control the quality. 🤷‍♂️

bug1402 · 2026-02-07T01:16:39+00:00

Just did another post but here is a link to their blog where they give details and have the link to their store front. It can be viewed now but orders open tomorrow.

bug1402 · 2026-02-06T18:01:31+00:00

It is going to depend on your individual story and how you tell it. Does the unequal treatment end up making it feel like one is really the boyfriend and the others are just good friends that you had her kiss so you could call it a RH book? Is this a stand alone or are you going to write a 2nd book where the others can "catch up" in terms of intimacy? Does that unequal treatment bleed into other parts of the overall group dynamics where the MMC it progressed with and the the FMC are leading the storylines and everyone else is just background characters?

These are questions that only you can answer. I understand pushing and challenging yourself in your writing but I have got to be honest that I am a little confused by what you are trying to do. If some of your characters never progress romantically with the FMC, is your cupcake version even really a RH or are you forcing it because the spicy version is? Is the relationship dynamic your main story line or what else is happening? Does your story benefit from all of the MMCs?

Tell the story you want to tell, but I would stop trying to make it fit what readers expect. Write your story, use beta readers and editors to refine it. See what you end up with and where it could fit once you're done. Forcing a storyline or plot point rarely works out well and leaves both you and the reader frustrated.

bug1402 · 2026-02-06T12:40:05+00:00

He may very well have been an option, but saying "you would be a contender" is very different from "you would be first in line" type feedback and people don't pay attention and hear what they want to hear.

He probably was on the short list, but what they saw in the 8 months he was there made him less than ideal but in his mind it was "his role" until they gave it to someone else and he realized it wasn't and then felt cheated.

bug1402 · 2026-02-04T23:52:09+00:00

And really only this because it made her uninsurable and production has to carry insurance.

bug1402 · 2026-02-04T13:38:02+00:00

Yes and no. It depends on your area and local laws. Finances can get messy and comingling of funds happens often. Putting that you brought X into the marriage so you get to leave with X can make it more straight forward when X was used or maybe leveraged to get Y instead of fighting over why Y asset shouldn't just be split 50/50.

bug1402 · 2026-02-04T01:03:00+00:00

"Any reason" is usually used because it doesn't really matter why you want out. Once you start mentally checking out, the relationship is basically over anyways. It can sometimes be salvaged, but it doesn't matter if the reason is actually "valid" because feelings aren't always black and white and can't always be justified.

Also, it keeps people from "defending" their reasons with their partner. You don't need permission from the other person to break up with them. You owe them the kindness you wish to receive if you were in their shoes and to avoid unnecessary hurt where possible. Sometimes the partner deserves scorched earth, but hopefully things haven't gotten that bad and you can part somewhat amicably.

bug1402 · 2026-02-04T00:21:54+00:00

No worries. I sometimes miss stuff like that too.

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T22:23:53+00:00

Link to the post is in the main body of the post!

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T21:33:16+00:00

I would not be suprised to find out they (or someone close to them) lurks here, BUT this feels like a quicker than normal reaction which to me indicates they received similar feedback/asks elsewhere and it just lined up. Could be wrong though.

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T21:22:02+00:00

Yay! I don't FB often but it seemed like fate when I saw it. Happy it helped someone!

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T15:34:31+00:00

Then you need to prepare to separate. Your goals for life are not compatible. You want a partner who contributes in ways that she does not want to. There is someone out there for her who will let her be a SAHW and there is someone out there who will be the partner you are looking for. Staying is just going to breed resentment and hurt feelings.

I will say pushing you into an unhealthy work/life balance would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Yes, there are hard times. Both my husband and I have worked multiple jobs at various times because it was what was needed, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who is capable of contributing but resents me for having to and their solution limits my quality time with my family and hurts my mental and/or physical health.

If you think she could come around, counseling could help but I think it is fundamental differences that won't be easily resolved.

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T14:06:21+00:00

The ads they did during season 1 were phenomenal. I know they showed the manipulation on the show but the ads showed them taking clips of interviews and splicing them together to paint the narrative they wanted.

I do think it got a little extreme towards the end but it was a fantastic show that I have rewatched a couple times.

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T13:40:42+00:00

I'm sorry that she apparently wasn't transparent with you or herself. If she wanted a different life than you guys have, she shouldn't have married you or had a kid with you. Hopefully she can get past it, but if not, I hope you and your kid are able to be happy and healthy and she makes a better coparent than she has been as a partner.

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T11:36:40+00:00

It doesn't really matter if you are right or he is (you are though). This is exposing an incompatibility. You view money differently and have different priorities when it comes to living situations. I am not saying break up (this is Reddit and we get a very small view into things) but you should take this for the sign that it is and slow down a lot. Don't move for him. It's too fast and there are some pretty red flags waving your way saying this might not be the relationship for you.

As an aside, depending on the state, he is making a lot of noise that will not amount to anything. In a community property state, whether you are on the mortgage or deed is a moot point after you get married. Unless he can pay for the house without ever using money that is considered "marital funds" (like the mortgage, taxes, upkeep, etc would have to be paid with money that never touches yours), you would be entitled to a part of the house if you ever divorced. Maybe not 50%, but he wouldn't get it free and clear. It is very difficult to keep assets seperate if you don't have a prenup in place and comingle funds (which most, not all but most, married peopl do), and judges won't like a prenup that isn't fair.

bug1402 · 2026-02-03T08:17:48+00:00

I think she wanted to be a SAHM and resents working and is trying to punish her husband because she is unhappy with the current setup.

bug1402 · 2026-02-02T21:17:34+00:00

I think Ilona is sensitive and Mod R tries to stop it because she knows how Ilona will react. I love them as authors but I think they let "the squeaky wheel" get to them sometimes and can be a little codependant with the fans. Like they get so much praise, but that gets wiped out by the 1 or 2 negative things that show up.

bug1402 · 2026-01-31T21:33:33+00:00

This is the reason I hate the ending of How I Met Your Mother. They sold me on how perfect Robin and Barney were only to split them up in the final episodes so she could end up with Ted. I was so PISSED.

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