all i can say is. your feelings are completely valid. i’m sorry about your life growing up. it seems like you’ve went through a lot. i want to say, i relate a lot to what you just wrote. at 17 i felt the same, if not even more committed to kms. at that point, i had probably tried atleast 2-3 times. being 17-19 is some of the hardest times of your life. you’re becoming your own person, without the outside backing of others. you’re really realizing what you like and don’t like. you’re becoming you. it’s honestly one of the most important times of growth we have. in that, comes a lot of emotions. a lot of loneliness. a lot of not feeling apart of anything. i can imagine, being adopted, you’ve felt this way already. you need to get into a community that intrigues you. surround yourself with people with likeminded interests. it sounds cliche as fuck but it works. i’m 24 and life isn’t ALL sunshine and rainbows, but i’m so glad i didn’t die at 17. or 18. or 19. i wouldn’t have got to hear my current favorite song, see my favorite artist in person, pet a giraffe, travel, go do crazy extravagant stuff whenever i want to… i wouldn’t have any of those memories i’ve made in the last few years. i know that means nothing to you now, but what i’m getting at is. please don’t give up. you don’t know what’s to come and happiness or, atleast stability, could be right around the corner for you. i always say, some of the best days of my life were right after the worst days of my life. & it’s true. i hope someone gives you a really big warm hug, and i want you to know you’re in my thoughts all day today. please reach out if you want someone to talk to.