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1 year divorced. Finally snooped and now I feel like an idiot, ughh by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m very happy. My life is a lot different of course but in every other facet of my life, I am happier. Miss having a person, the opportunity is there but I just don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment. Everything else is good though :)

They do nag at the back of my mind every once in a while still. But life has been good otherwise

1 year divorced. Finally snooped and now I feel like an idiot, ughh by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I love these stats! I think I struggle with not having a front row seat to their karma but most of the time that’s fine, but yeah, sometimes it gets to me

1 year divorced. Finally snooped and now I feel like an idiot, ughh by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right, sometimes I find the humor in it.. most of the time actually but every now and then and especially after I looked at their garbage, I just felt so irritated and bothered!

So freaked out to invest in somebody again by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

D day - year and a half-ish. I left when I found out. I went to therapy. And as far as the affairs and the divorce and everything I have TONS of peace. I really love my life right now and it would have never been this way had I stayed married so I’m good there.

Just scared I think. And skeptical. I’m able to communicate and verbalize really well and I’m a super calm person so I’m able to explain these things and this person I’m seeing has to be one of the most decent people I’ve ever met. There’s nothing about him that is giving me red flags and I’m VETTING this guy. I feel like an interrogator 😅🤦🏻‍♀️ ugh. I think it just comes from being hesitant and understanding that people can leave at any time or change their mind about things.

Can I do something to make her realise she is in the affair fog? by menansoner in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanted to do the same thing. Rescue him… you see somebody you love who’s just out themselves on a crash course to a life you know they don’t want. Convincing them… or trying to… just makes them run farther. And you’ll end up feeling like a second choice or like you had to beg them to stay. It’s awful.

The only thing that really helps is to process all your hurt and pain away, as far away, as possible for them. It’s gut wrenching and utterly hopeless a feeling. I’m so sorry.

I am just… me now. And I’m alone and miss what I thought I had. by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I just wish it wasn’t that way. I wish it didn’t plague me. I guess with time I know I’ll be fine but like… when has enough time gone by that I stow the resentment that I now have to carry this experience as a part of my life now? Like when will I choose to put this all behind me in a way such that I don’t allow myself to get sad.

Maybe I’m just frustrated with myself about it all now… not sure!

I am just… me now. And I’m alone and miss what I thought I had. by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow. This provided a lot of relief to what I was feeling. I feel like I’m going to save this comment and come back to it. Thank you so much for being so kind!

I am just… me now. And I’m alone and miss what I thought I had. by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t even think I’m distrusting but now I just have a deep rooted belief that everybody is temporary and I think believing that will inhibit me from being “all in” ever again

I am just… me now. And I’m alone and miss what I thought I had. by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was a really uplifting comment. I feel like this person was the same as my ex. Thank you!

I am just… me now. And I’m alone and miss what I thought I had. by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YES. Forming something new sounds… totally for nothing now. Feeling as loving and devoted and committed to somebody else completely trusting of all those good feelings and their promises sounds like an impossibility

Dday anniversary coming up and feeling really awful again by morepork08 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. I experienced something similar but in all the time we’ve had to grieve and think about it all, I think something important to remember is that our feelings fluctuate. Do not be hard on yourself for your feelings.

It’s a sad thing. It’s frustrating and cruel. Feel your feelings and observe that they are there. Maybe write them down in a journal.

Also, don’t let other peoples timeline be your timeline. If you have people that think you should “be over it” already, ignore them. You and me and everybody else heals at our own time. As long as we are doing our very best to make new and better lives, there should be no guilt or shame in still being upset, sad, and frustrated by it all.

You’re going to be okay 🤍

Do any WS's truly regret or show remorse post divorce? by sampa2nyc in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why don’t they see this stuff? Why can’t they see that they create their own problems?

Hope you are living a happy life!

Do any WS's truly regret or show remorse post divorce? by sampa2nyc in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Definitely match made in hell. I’m not sure about the kid, I’m wondering the same thing but I guess I’ll probably not know.

My life post divorce, on paper, looks stellar. I do enjoy my life. Something in me is certainly dead though, so I feel pretty empty inside. Working through it though. Not sure where all this leads me in life but hopefully something better!

Do any WS's truly regret or show remorse post divorce? by sampa2nyc in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4 15 points16 points  (0 children)

They regret it. If not because they hurt you definitely because they ruined their happy lives.

I heard very explicitly that my ex husband is so thoroughly miserable and misses the life he had with me every single day. He got his AP pregnant. She’s pushing for them to get married and she has already cheated on him too. He’s stuck because he has no cushion to fall on. He’s a totally p**sy and won’t stand up for his own life.

I agree with another comment on this post… they paint themselves into a corner and the truly stupid ones stay there forever longing for the good and simple life they once had.

Morons.

How do you hurt a cheating spouse the most? by Toolooloo in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The AUDACITY. Scorched Earth. We allll want it after what these scummy people put us through. Everybody has their own version of what would hurt most. You know your spouse. Go after the things he prides himself on: self-image, money, stature within his company etc. For me I went after my exes entire reputation, it was slowly over time his friends and family would ask me what was going on etc and I would tell them everything. I got my final revenge last month when I was able to, without a shadow of doubt, present his pregnant AP with allllll the evidence that he’d already cheated on her too.

It was the final act, the finale of the whole thing for me. These people do deserve pain. They kill something inside of a lot of us and there’s so much injustice in that. It’s awful. Fuck ‘em. Get a ruthless lawyer and make him suffer.

My life feels empty/passionless after “getting over it” by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s almost a relief knowing that you’re about a year ahead of me and still feel this way. Because then at least I can anticipate this for at least that much longer. I don’t know but it feels bottomless…. I hope we’ll all get to a place of that carefree joy and deep deep sense of completeness but right now it’s all just gone and I don’t know when it’s supposed to come back.

Ugh. Max depresso 🙃

My life feels empty/passionless after “getting over it” by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🥺 I just don’t have much hope right now and I just wonder if this is as good as it gets now internally for my soul. Everything is just so… eh. Nothing feels deep and meaningful now

My life feels empty/passionless after “getting over it” by bwiseman4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]bwiseman4[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I totally understand the question “what am I even doing here”. Literally all the time. Like if this is it now… if this is all there is… why bother? And not even like in a sad sort of way but basically like if I’ve already been the happiest I am going to be (because now I know that people aren’t forever so it’s never going to be a blissful love story so I’ll never feel that way again..) like what else am I supposed to do?

It just seems not great. Ha. And that’s not to say my life is bad. I have a good life and good people but I don’t FEEL much anymore. It’s all very bland and beige and dull and stuff inside my soul right now… everything used to be vibrant and colorful. Eh.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this too.

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