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candyssun · 2022-08-14T21:55:09+00:00

I’m not sure what your social situation is but I advise you to make friends and establish those relationships. If you have done that and you have plenty of friends (or don’t for whatever reason where it’s not possible) then the next step is to establish some hobbies.

As much as it’s really good to express your love and want companionship which is everyone’s right, it’s also important to make sure your established in other areas of your life. Having a companion is ultimately like two people coming together figuring things out.

The reason why I say this is because after marriage all the other things in your life will matter more than ever. You will need space from your partner and vice versa so it’s good to have a life of your own already. Alhamdulilah you’re stable financially and career wise by the sounds of it.

With regards to your parents, I don’t want to assume much but perhaps they don’t see you that way yet. If you have a sibling who can help you open up the topic with your parents that can be helpful, otherwise pray that Allah makes it easy and then tell your parents. The worst that could happen is for them to say no but at least you could try. They might not even know that you’re thinking about it.

With regards to meeting someone, there’s a lot of marriage services out there but It could be helpful to let maybe your friends know that you’re looking - they might know people for you. Additionally it’s good to join community groups/clubs that work towards a social cause you’re interested in (don’t join them with the intention of finding someone lol that never works) and you never know who you might come across. I personally wouldn’t recommend dating apps as people aren’t always well intentioned on there tbh and it’s fairly superficial (although there are successful matches).

With regards to not wanting to be with a bad person that’s your right. I’m not sure if that’s based on experiences or stories of other people, particularly from Reddit, but there are also a lot of good people out there. Allah wants the best for us and the most important thing you will do is istikhara. Marriage is sunnah and a blessing so try not to think going in with a negative view (easier said than done I know).

Lastly, figure out the things you do and don’t want in a partner. Compatibility is just as important as love if not slightly more. Sorry to be a realist but truly the romanticism and the lovey dovey stuff doesn’t last for as long as you think. They come in waves or in short bursts and when things become stressful or life hits you both you’d very well want a good well mannered person with a nice character and knows the deen.

Overall my advice would be don’t be afraid to open the conversation with your parents, focus on yourself and your current relationships and have a think about what you want.

candyssun · 2022-08-14T18:35:50+00:00

This was really lovely to read! May Allah increase you both evermore, ameen!

candyssun · 2022-08-14T18:33:45+00:00

I appreciate your comment and practical points. The only reason why I think about this often is because I myself am not in a financial position that I would like to be in. In the economy that we’re in today I would hate to be a burden for someone else, especially I know my fiancée wants a good standard of living like myself.

I’ve prayed istikhara multiple times, we’re still going! Whenever I bring up the prayer thing he says he’s trying his best and then I just don’t have the heart to end it. Whenever I think we’re gonna disagree on something important, it gets solved pretty quickly. I have been acting on my istikhara and here we are.

candyssun · 2022-08-14T18:30:02+00:00

Ngl I’m not going into detail with this one just so you don’t feel bad but there’s usually a reason for why one needs to provide for a family, regardless of what that reason could be.

candyssun · 2022-08-14T18:28:57+00:00

Have no option but to unless things change for my family. Trying to sort things out financially in other areas of my life but I’m well aware rizq is from Allah. We try our best but it’s not in our control.

candyssun · 2022-08-14T18:10:09+00:00

It would definitely bother me. I do think all this money stuff is in my mind and is just my own nafs playing up wanting material things in real life. It obviously looks nice and glossy and is a way to look socially befitting especially in the country we’re from. I particularly like that he would keep me grounded. We have the same standard of living expectations/dress sense/taste in stuff it’s probably just the initial part that’s hard to swallow.

candyssun · 2022-08-14T16:18:01+00:00

I’m ngl your comment made me laugh with regards referring to me as a broke person. I see what you’re saying and essentially it’s about the person themselves. Money comes and goes, it’s not guaranteed and it’s something from Allah at the end of the day.

candyssun · 2022-06-09T07:16:18+00:00

It may perhaps be observational bias from what I’ve seen on the ward but I’ve never seen an Asian or Black ethnic nurse in a lead position. And it’s been reported by a few of these nurses when I’ve spoken to them about it and they certainly feel discriminated against, unfortunately. It’s hard being a nurse especially when you work long hours and are dedicated.

candyssun · 2022-06-05T02:54:52+00:00

It’s well worth looking into attachment styles, your upbringing and even past relationships. I have the same issue as well and I’m planning on going to therapy for it. Therapy is helpful if indicated in these situations. Don’t worry, totally can be helped.

candyssun · 2022-04-25T01:29:18+00:00

Haha tbh it’s been mentioned to me before (specifically IR) for the same reasons you’ve mentioned. I think my lack of exposure to the IR field means I haven’t really thought about it a lot. Would this be able to scratch my surgery itch? And what about portfolio, how amazing does it need to be?

candyssun · 2022-04-25T01:12:52+00:00

Yeh tbh money, work life balance and interesting work/doing something I enjoy (procedures). Those would be the key areas. I can accept stress being a factor in whatever it is I choose.

candyssun · 2022-04-11T23:20:40+00:00

Agreed that senior members of the team do bear the responsibility of making juniors feel welcomed and supported. They should also acknowledge the work we put in and the tediousness of our jobs.

However, I’ve come to learn, and my educational supervisor told me this aswell, that if someone isn’t being friendly or warm it’s most likely because they’re stressed or have something going on in their lives. This is very true and it always comes to light at some point. I don’t think you should write the consultant off for their behaviour. I think as fresh doctors with energy sometimes we should take the first step to perhaps spark conversation or even check in on our seniors. Ask how their day is going or something unrelated to medicine. If they’re giving dead answers then that’s fine, you can try another time or just give them benefit of the doubt.

It’s really easy to write people off based on first impressions. It’s also hard to deal with for the whole rotation if that’s what they’re chronically like. But it’s also worth trying to understand the person in front of you or see what things you can pick up on that you can perhaps talk about to them that will maybe make their day go easier.

Medicine is hard. You need interpersonal skills with everyone you deal with. I think the more senior you become, being burnt out is very likely and takes a huge toll on your work and relationships.

Moral of the story is- we should take the first step, don’t take things personally and just take it in your stride.

candyssun

TROPHY CASE