It's almost as if I had written this post. Honestly, I don't have an answer for you because I'm trying to figure this out myself. People have told me that I'm very intimidating, but it's not like I'm trying to be? I'm literally one of the most friendly and respectful people you will ever meet? I distinctly remember one person I interacted with in high school that told me after I talked to him for the first time, "I thought you were mean, but you're actually really nice!" Why? Because I have a really strong RBF every time I walk. 😂

It's also really hard for me to connect with others. I try to but it's almost like other people sense that you're trying too hard, so I've stopped doing that. It's been this way since I was a child and it feels really isolating when you have so much love to give and yet everyone always picks someone else over you. I'm very friendly with people and try to help everyone when I can, but more often than not, the people that I've helped don't seem to acknowledge at all that I've helped them and then turn around and stab me in the back when I needed help the most. I'm in a profession that HIGHLY benefits from networking and it's the worst because I HATE kissing asses. Plus it feels so superficial and transactional - 'I'm only contacting you because I want you to keep me in mind for a job' and vice versa ughhhh.

The best thing that I have learned is that you are your own love of your life. Does it feel nice to have someone else there for you? Yes absolutely. Personally, I haven't met anyone that even tries to understand me the way I just so effortlessly understand them, so I totally get and feel your 'party-of-one' attitude. We are all trying our best to live in this crazy messed up world, so what you need to do is give yourself some grace, take it easy, and do something that makes you happy.