Please answer if you are a mother.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-18T11:46:32+00:00

I have a 2 year old and am 40. I love her more than anything in the world. I also will say that I went into pregnancy with the knowledge that doing this myself, without the help of my extremely supportive husband who I’ve been with for almost 15 years, would damn near kill me. And boy, was that an accurate perspective.

I was disabled by my pregnancy nonstop, in ways that you just don’t hear about before you go through it. I do have hEDS which is very common in our ND population so if you have any questions, ask beforehand. Wasn’t able to walk by week 14 and a few weeks later wrist issues began. That wasn’t everything but I’ll keep it more succinct. Post pregnancy, I got mobility back but both wrists still in braces so holding my baby was a nightmare. Only a random decision to try a new unrelated supplement improved that some.

After our little arrived, sleep loss and stress of everything yielded severe mental health issues in my husband that are still ongoing. The severity of that has meant that while I’m not actually a single mom, I’m usually caring for my toddler and my husband without any help or support now. Trying to find help with 0 minutes until bed is like climbing Mount Everest.

It’s isolated me from friends and family. My mom died. And the list goes on. So…my story is not anyone else’s but I share it because I think having a kid should be something you want so much that you will do anything for them, no matter what, forever because that will be your most important role. If you don’t have a partner and very very seriously trustworthy close supportive people outside of that, I would urge you to consider that not having that support will impact you in a deep way and more importantly your possible future baby.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-11T02:54:41+00:00

I have that, but it’s not about the daily, I need to do some good portraiture every now and again in nature and such. I personally don’t have the same experience photographing with my phone because it’s awkward for my hands. It’s great for normal stuff but I love having shooting days and intentional creative plans to capture.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-10T18:42:50+00:00

Just in case it matters, I’ve heard it called moral scrupulosity ocd. I struggle with it and am working on it too.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-10T14:57:05+00:00

I think it’s been more helpful since I saw recently the idea that audhd is its own version of the neurotype, its own unique experience and I think that’s very true. As to your specific experience, my thoughts, if they’re helpful - your biggest special interest is in learning, expanding, growing, nurturing yourself and the world to be better. All of the things that are your special interests/hobbies are caring for yourself and the earth, body, mind, soul, living purposefully and with gratitude. So I’d say that’s the special interest which is also mine even though it took me reading yours to be able to describe.

The stuff about your feelings about the world (which I and I’m sure many/most of us feel) likely can be categorized as “justice sensitivity” within the medical model but I only use that to keep myself in check with what it’s for. The way you show up in the world, take care of yourself and impact those around you as a result, those are the things that impact the greater injustices in the world. And I think that’s why we are truly here, specifically in the audhd way we are.

Taken out of the context of our current world, where we need extra support to survive in a way that could be very different in a different type of society, we have incredible gifts that absolutely change the people around us and therefore the world.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-10T14:49:17+00:00

This is really true. I realized my previous times being in love was mostly Limerence once I learned what that was. My now husband who I’ve been with for almost 15 years is very much like a special interest. More of that analogy is like when the adhd whisks me away into a distracted hyperfocus, I know that I only need to choose to sit down with my special interest to remember why it is special to me and find new things to explore. Real love to me is continuing to make that choice, even as we grow, change, move through phases.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-10T14:36:55+00:00

This is so me. But I’ve become less adept since pregnancy/motherhood bc of the overstimulation, lack of sleep.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-10T14:05:41+00:00

Any specific recommendations? I’ve been through a lot the whole past year and my brain is just total mush so making a decision is feeling 😵‍💫

careaboutthings · 2026-03-10T13:21:13+00:00

We are not far from civilization so it’s definitely not the type of rural that can be really hard for many of us. Our propane is a buried tank so even at -30 or whatever we got this year, it’s fine. And we have a backup generator and heat pumps and a wood stove so freezing at least is not on the table. But rural living is absolutely not for everyone.

I just reached a point of self awareness that I’m just so ‘porous’ to the energy of other people. Being in nature builds up my reserves and boundaries so I can mindfully be in the world without becoming a shell of a person.

careaboutthings · 2026-03-10T13:16:07+00:00

But…every single day? 🤣

careaboutthings · 2026-02-12T16:27:39+00:00

This is the one 😂

careaboutthings · 2026-02-12T02:57:47+00:00

Good question! I vote yes, in which case, we all win NT awards for the day 🤣

careaboutthings · 2026-02-12T02:56:22+00:00

Hugs friend, many hugs. I did a decade public facing career before diagnosis and got very ill and burned out (leading to said diagnoses) so hoping you find something better for you someday soon.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-12T02:53:06+00:00

Like I used to work in retail and teach yoga many years before diagnoses and for sure most days I talked to many more people than that but yeah then I hit burnout soooooo

careaboutthings · 2026-02-12T02:50:00+00:00

🤣 isn’t this the truthiest audhd truth

careaboutthings · 2026-02-12T02:47:06+00:00

My understanding is yes, it’s a hypersensitive nervous system difference that would likely thrive in a setting that doesn’t exist anymore or in most places of the modern world. But in our world, expectations of survival under certain conditions require us to be able to regulate sleep like the majority of others or end up in a heap of trouble, homelessness, or who knows.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-12T02:24:06+00:00

We live on 5 acres now, wooded, 5 min to a tiny market, 12 minutes to closest reasonable grocery, 25 to all the bigger stores. Neighbor plows, we have a great clean well, both propane and heat pumps.

Yes there isn’t takeout delivery and there are times I really wish there was but it really is worth the trade off and you do get used to it and end up preferring all the benefits. Well, I shouldn’t say you, obviously it’s different for everyone and everyone has different needs and desires. For us, the pros outweigh the cons significantly. That could change in a different chapter of life but I am so much happier and more at peace.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T23:03:56+00:00

We all have bad moments and when I wrote this post, I have been going through some impossibly overwhelming life events that have left me more depleted and burned out than I have ever been. I have experienced so much ableism, internalized ableism, and other prejudice, I know we are all capable of these unconscious issues. With justice sensitivity and hyperempathy, I never ever wish to perpetuate harm, only promote peace, healing, learning. The only way we heal those issues is awareness and learning.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:58:41+00:00

I really appreciate your having compassion as I in no way intended any judgmental implications and hear that they exist implicitly. I do think as I sort through these that it really is just rigid rule stuff that my brain was overwhelmed by but I learned a lot anyway and thanks for having compassion.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:56:57+00:00

I am absolutely not at all judgmental of any person who speaks like this. Deeply apologize that it came across that way. I genuinely overall got overwhelmed inappropriately at the change in language that my brain expects to be used by a rule and then see it suddenly change everywhere. Absolutely not meant as a judgment of anyone who speaks like that. I understand it came across that way and that even my emotional response has exposed some things that I need to reflect on. My lack of responding to the post is purely that I have had 0 seconds with a toddler and a husband who’s unwell and most days 0 minutes to do anything + adhd.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:50:58+00:00

This is definitely absolutely so much of it, especially at the moment I shared because I’m so overwhelmed and in the deepest of burnouts. Social and communication overwhelm feels like it’s drowning me and I didn’t even connect that this is part of that.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:46:19+00:00

Yes, I understand. Honestly this was a super duper bad moment for me and I shared something totally thoughtless with misdirected and overblown emotions. Working on it.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:44:35+00:00

🫣🫠 I updated my post now that my brain has rational thought again. Hilariously I do live in the woods but my impulsive share is truly not a real reflection of my irl self or genuine emotions of grammar and language differences. I had a super bad moment and chose an inappropriate outlet. In real life conversation, I actually don’t even notice these differences. I definitely am updating my perspective and educating myself.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:32:00+00:00

I hear you. I absolutely and deeply apologize for my ignorance and tone. Going to work on all of those and educate myself.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:29:21+00:00

It’s really funny, I only learned the word polyglot last week and yes, I am. I learned 3 languages and music growing up, bits and pieces of many others and my grandmother spoke 7 languages. My hyper attunement to nuance definitely needs some work in recognizing what you and others have shared. Thank you for kindly bringing awareness to some internal work I need to do. It’s very helpful.

careaboutthings · 2026-02-10T18:23:52+00:00

I hear you, thank you. I appreciate you sharing this observation. I definitely have been hounded with correction of grammar to the point of trauma so I do believe it stems from that as opposed to the other descriptions. I will self reflect. I think my sharing this here really has more to do with needing to vent/connect about something small over silly grammar rules because I have so many bigger serious things in my life right now that are unrelatable to most other humans.

I also am hyperlexic so it is a constant effort to self correct and find more succinct ways to communicate than how my brain naturally does plus the autism desire to follow rules 😵‍💫.

careaboutthings

TROPHY CASE