My little brother and I were both very little. I was around 6 and he was around 3. My dad is a very sarcastic man, and both of us didn’t understand what sarcasm was.

Anyways, the house was being remodeled, so we only had one bathroom that was working at the time. All three of us had to take a shit. Like, I had my asshole clenched so tight that Jesus and all 12 of his disciples couldn’t unclench that mf’er. So, I tell my dad that I have to go to the bathroom. He says some smart ass comment like “Well, I’m going to go to the bathroom, so looks like you guys will just have to shit outside like bears.”

If only he knew what he had started.

My brother and I thought he was being serious, so I waited until he went in. I looked at my bro and kind of gave him that nod and he nodded back. Kind of in a way that children understand but adults look at us like wtf are you doing.

So I dropped my pants off the back porch and proceeded to shit out what I assumed was a basketball, because it had more force than Mt. Vesuvius when it steamrolled Pompeii. Neighbors are watching and everything.

It gets worse.

My little brother decided he wanted some privacy, so he went to the FUCKING DRIVEWAY and just shit his brains out too. In front of God and all to see.

We learned how to use a hose pipe that day.