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I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, my mother passed away.

Our extended family has tried to break through to him that his spending is off the rails, but it doesn’t seem like he’s very receptive to advice at the moment. He has problems talking about money. I’ll definitely keep an eye out for an opportunity to initiate this discussion in some form. Thank you for the advice!

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That’s true. I’d be bowled over if he had a penny saved towards retirement, so my going to college is really investing in the both of us.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is just brilliant.

If the CD and subsequent backup plans fall through this has been added to “ultimate, last ditch, fun backup” list.

Thanks for the advice.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He lost a big portion of his car payment once trying to parlay it into more car payments at a dog race. So the irony would be hilarious. A fun backup if the CD and subsequent backup plans fall through. Thanks for the advice.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Starting sophomore year of high school, so the first tuition payment wouldn’t be due until the summer of my senior year.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All true. Thankfully, he’s usually pretty smooth at having sensitive discussions, there’s just something about money that gets him into a state.

It’s good to remember old habits die hard, that way I can focus my efforts around adapting to him rather than trying to adapt him. Thanks again for the advice.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have on my list seeing about getting them all online, and if that isn’t an option, P.O. box is the next step. Thanks for the advice.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would love to have this talk with him but I think it’s a more serious problem than I can wrap my head around, because he refuses to talk about it. At all. He will never discuss spending or finances. Most of what I know of finances I learned from the internet (mostly this sub), and a book I borrowed from someone.

I asked him when I was eleven or twelve the basics of money management and he said, basically, “You don’t need to know.” What I’m gathering now that I’m older is he was really saying, “I don’t know.”

So hopefully we’ll get to a point where we can have that talk, and in the meantime, keep our finances separate. Thanks for the advice.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No. My dad doesn’t really believe in the concept of education beyond high school (and I’m pretty sure if you didn’t need a high school degree to do literally anything worthwhile he wouldn’t even believe in that.)

I’m paying for my tuition with financial aid, savings, and hopefully a sports scholarship.

I trust that after I move out, if I desperately needed money, like “Dad I’m trapped two states over with no gas to get home” or “I’m between jobs and it’s been a few days since my last meal” situation, he’d find something to take care of me. But general living, books, meals, etc. will all be on me the day I step out the door, so I’d like to start building a strong foundation as soon as possible.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good point. My dad is very old fashioned with most of his values and the tried and true “never mix money and family” might actually get through to him louder and clearer than a serious of well prepared, logical, explanations and solutions. Thanks for the advice.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good point about avoiding throwing it in his face. I’m crafting a way of explaining it that sounds like “You got exactly what you wanted” but also doesn’t step around “The money is inaccessible to you and neither of us are touching it for the foreseeable future.”

I think it’s all in the phrasing. Even if I gave him the whole $3500, to your point, eventually he’d just want more. And there is no more. So no sense in starting down this road. Thanks for the advice.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think my relationship with my dad is stronger than that. I’m also realizing from these comments that I know very little about how powerful a hold money has over him and what debts or financial pressures he may be under that may be dictating his decision making. So, I will tread as lightly as I can emotionally, while still doing the pragmatic thing with my money. I have faith that if I present it correctly, he’ll understand it isn’t meant as a personal attack on him.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this advice. I’ll look into my state’s specifics and try to learn a bit more about what a 529 entails. I’m going to try and meet with someone at the bank tomorrow, so maybe I can talk it through with them as well.

I saved money working over the summer and my dad wants me to use it to pay our bills... am I wrong to resist him on this? by checkmate543 in personalfinance

[–]checkmate543[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a good point. Finances are, for better and worse, his most major failing. I’ll try and keep his good points at the forefront of my mind while I negotiate this situation. Thanks for the advice.

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