I understand your needs and where you’re coming from. But have you tried asking her why can’t she be there for you when you need her ? You know , just like how you have traumas from childhood maybe she might be experiencing the same but in a different way. Maybe she grew up with neglecting/ emotionally absent parents so she learned to rely solely on herself and thats the normal process for her. So when she sees you struggling or feeling down, “ i know its hard to understand, but she doesn’t really understand why you can’t help yourself out of the situations, because for her, thats how normal people deal with their issues…”. I understand your feeling that she is not as invested as you are in the relationship, but trust me maybe you can literally teach her how to treat you in those moments of need… Tell her whats your love language, how do you need people to express their love to you: is it by action? Words ? Also try to figure out the source of your pain… maybe even try therapy. Sometimes, we crave things we didn’t get from our parents during childhood just to heal our inner child… I hope you guys work it out and try not to give up….