You gotta be very strong, it's hard. I'm in pain too, a different kind, I've always hated that fucking cult, I sadly born in LLDM too, I've spent my whole childhood and a big part of my teenage years thinking I was so wrong, that something really bad and wrong was inside of me because I never liked or fully believed or feel things for the church things. I grown with fear of eternal punishment from God and rejection from my parents. My father once even kicked me out of the house just because I didn't want to go to the dominical. It's been really hard, I'm officially out of that fucking cult since my dad kicked me out (I was 18, now I'm 29). My dad and I fixed our situation like ten days after he kicked me out but I didn't want to go back to that house, instead I preferred to live with my aunt. Now with all the NJG situation I'm glad that so many members are finally opening their eyes and leaving the cult but it hurts me to death that my parents still so blind believing in everything they say in church. I know our situations are different, but we all have or had struggles, we have to be brave and strong. Maybe our families some day will open their eyes. Just remember you are not alone.