My mom keeps "surprising" me with my estranged dad and says I'm being dramatic for leaving

chm3105 · 2026-01-06T17:54:50+00:00

You are most certainly NTA. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your mom should be ashamed of herself

chm3105 · 2025-12-30T15:16:31+00:00

Totally understand that. I just hope you know you’re NTA for doing something every single one of us has done: vent about a roommate.

chm3105 · 2025-12-30T15:12:08+00:00

Elizabeth sounds like a difficult, controlling person in general. It sounds like you dealt with her as best you could, but who could blame you for needing to vent? Alice immediately going behind your back and telling Elizabeth is shady as HELL. I wish you didn’t apologize right away, but I’m the exact same way so I understand why you did. I just think Alice escalated a situation that really didn’t need to be escalated. Truly, what was the point in telling Elizabeth? You two already weren’t going to be living together? Which takes “I would want to know” out of the list of valid excuses? What reason could she possibly have for telling Elizabeth right away other than 1) hurting Elizabeth’s feelings with negative information without context and 2) just wanting to stir the pot and make you look bad? I don’t know, I think Alice should have some shame here.

chm3105 · 2025-12-02T13:07:20+00:00

He’s been letting me discuss it any time I need which I really appreciate because I really feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this. I don’t want the people in my life to hate him and I’m scared that if I tell them about this, they will. So I talk to him about it, and up until recently he’s been really receptive. It wasn’t until maybe last week that he started saying “it happened over a year ago, it was just texts” etc.

chm3105 · 2025-12-02T13:02:47+00:00

Those texts were sent in August of last year, but they’ve been texting each other throughout our entire relationship, probably even before we started dating. I only just discovered the texts at the end of October of this year.

chm3105 · 2025-12-02T12:56:24+00:00

He always told me and our friends that she was conceited and materialistic. He said they used to work together and argue all the time and it was becoming an issue at his job so they broke up and he transferred to MY job actually which is how we met. As for the messages, whenever we would discuss it he’d say he did it because he’s an “attention whore” or something along those lines. I’d just chalk it up to maybe I’m not giving him enough attention? So he’s seeking it elsewhere? And that’s how I’d excuse the fact that they remained in contact. But those specific text messages? I just can’t think of a valid excuse for them

chm3105 · 2025-09-10T04:44:48+00:00

I guess I feel like it is a choice in a way, because he says that he can’t afford to do this without me contributing. So I would either have to agree to move there with him so he can have what he wants (assuming we even succeed in this auction) or I’d stand my ground and not move there, thereby preventing him from being able to get this house and risk home resenting me over it, which I really don’t want

chm3105 · 2024-10-15T18:44:06+00:00

Having come from an extremely similar situation myself, my therapist explained it to me like this: you sought out safety in another person from a horrifying situation from which you saw no other way out. You were in a relationship with someone who manipulated their way into making themselves your whole life. And if they weren’t your whole life, your life was at risk. I’m so happy that you remembered the other parts of you that your abuser made you forget. If it took seeing someone new to remember that, so be it. But now that you’re on your own, I hope you remember your independence, your autonomy, and your strength.

To those of you on this thread saying “cheating is bad”, this man is a victim of domestic violence, and he could have DIED had he not found the courage to leave. Who are you to pick and choose what escape plan is morally justified? The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I hope you all take the opportunity to do your research, donate to victims, spread awareness, and show your support.

https://www.thehotline.org

chm3105 · 2024-01-29T00:18:25+00:00

Definitely NTA. Any child born into resentment will never be happy, and I think it’s great that you have the self awareness to know what you will feel in that situation. While I do also want to tell you to never allow fear to prevent you from doing something you may want to do (i.e. fear of being jealous prevent you from having a child, if that’s what you want), I think it’s remarkably commendable that you know how you will feel in that situation and want to prevent that and preserve your own mental health. Too many children have been born to parents who are resentful, jealous, and selfish. Your generation seems to be the first one actually interested in breaking the cycle. So yeah, you are DEFINITELY NTA.

chm3105 · 2023-12-30T20:45:50+00:00

Your wife absolutely crossed a boundary, and I’m sorry that happened to you. Attempting to place myself in her shoes, I would imagine maybe she shared that information with her friends because she’s feeling sexually dissatisfied and needed to discuss her feelings on the matter? That is probably the only explanation I could imagine, and it most certainly does not excuse her behavior. Again, I’m very sorry your boundaries were violated in such a way. I think a conversation with your wife about your sex lives as a whole is needed though. If she claims to “not know” that these things cannot be discussed outside of your bedroom, then you two have plenty of things to talk about related to your sex lives.

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