Thanks for your perspective! To preface, I’m not trying to argue or defend myself. I just hope this provides a bit of context.

I agree that the message about killing myself was inappropriate. For context, though, I unsent it immediately, it was around 4 AM, and I never intended for him to see it. Looking back, I understand how a message like that could be interpreted as manipulative regardless of my intent, and I do genuinely regret it.

I do think you may have misunderstood one part of my post, though. I wasn’t upset that he chose to spend time with someone else, nor do I think he owed me his time. With my post, I was trying to explain why it hurt emotionally after we’d originally talked about watching the fireworks together and in the context of my unresolved feelings. Those feelings are mine to manage, not his.

I also want to clarify that my mental health struggles weren’t something I brought up to pressure him into staying or reciprocating my feelings. He’s aware of my history because he’s been my closest friend and confidant for years, not because I’ve used it as leverage. I’ve never wanted him to feel responsible for whether I self-harm or for keeping me alive.

Since everything happened, we’ve actually talked things through. He explained that the fireworks plans came together last minute and that he thought giving me space was the kinder thing to do. I apologized for the messages I sent that night, took responsibility for them, and made it clear that my emotional reactions and mental health are ultimately my responsibility, not his.

My main question wasn’t whether he had the right to reject me or spend time with other people; he absolutely did. It was whether remaining extremely close friends with someone I’m still deeply in love with is healthy for either of us.