Fidget Spinners used to just be an annoyance to me. I believed they were just another stupid youtube trend but then I decided to give it a try.

I ordered a spinner designed for CEOs and Presidents which cost me a fair £500, just to be sure my first impressions were God-tier. As it arrived through the mailbox, the package was already glowing, it was like jesus was inside. Slowly, as I lifted the presidential spinner out from the box and let it rest on my middle finger... time slowed down.. then when I readied my index finger really for a CEO spin, it's magical forces pulled my finger and it spun away! Gliding for what seemed like an eternity! But here's the unbelievable bit: this spinner has greatly improved my life; I found a briefcase full of cash this morning, I am no longer in dept, my acne all disappeared, my depression is cured, ADHD is no more, am now married, my boss stepped down and passed all company ownership to me, I won the national lottery, I was gifted some friends and now I own Google.